I didn’t think at all that Quistis would join us, or that boy. He used some sort of sword it seems, and he was good with it too. Enemies fell in a blur when he and Freya took the front lines. Quistis and I didn’t have to raise a finger. Of course, we didn’t complain at all.
We left Balamb, heading west, and arrived, after a few hours, at the city of Lindblum. It’d been far too long since I was last here, but with Regent Cid gone, I didn’t feel a need to. I didn’t hear who was crowned the next Regent, obviously Haru had royal blood. We arrived at the Castle a few hours after noon, and asked an audience with Her Majesty. She had disappeared by the sounds of things, and His Majesty had gone out looking for her. So we had to talk to Minister Zexion instead.
His face was tear-stained, but he maintained a highly professional air. When he saw me, he jumped slightly. “You!” I nodded. “I need to see Haru. It’s an emergency.” Zexion shook his head. “Her Majesty is busy at the moment-" Quistis interrupted him. “Excuse me? Between him and me, we’ve taught Her Majesty all she knows! We won’t settle for something as pathetic as this!” Zexion began to retort when the doors to the throne room burst open. His Majesty King Riku stood there, dripping slightly, his hair limp. “I can’t find her. Anywhere.”
I strolled through the business district with my hands in my pockets, watching people go about their daily business. I wondered what I would be doing right now if none of this had happened – what would I be growing into if I wasn’t a black mage, if Gildas hadn’t been a summoner, if he hadn’t been of royal lineage? Would I be studying at Balamb Garden, like I had once considered? I felt dizzy at the thought of Gildas again, and had to sit down.
Was it my feelings of guilt and regret that made me feel this way? I shouldn’t have done it, I shouldn’t have killed him…It was just like Zexion had said. I stood up quickly, knocking my head on something hard. The resounding crack burst out in my head loudly, and I had to blink stars out of my eyes. Looking up as I rubbed my head, I noticed I had been sitting on the plinth of Gildas’s statue. It made me want to retch just looking at it, and I stumbled down the streets away from it. I was still gagging when I reached the opposite end of the town, and couldn’t hold it in anymore.
A few minutes later, I straightened up and pushed my hair back. I tugged at my t-shirt nervously, and decided to walk back to the castle. Maybe I could sneak into the library and lose myself in an old, musty book in the corner…I snorted. Now I was a queen there was no chance I could ever be alone. I resented that above anything else. I wondered how difficult Gildas must have found it...?
Zexion ran over to His Majesty. “Hey, I was wondering, you guys were with that boy, Gildas, right? Where is he, anyway?” I asked. Zexion had just gone to take off His Majesty’s coat, and stopped. His hands faltered, stopping in midair, and he just… collapsed. He just fell to the floor, only just being caught by King Riku who slid down to the floor, perfectly timed, and picked him up. “Forgive him.” Riku began, “He’s a little… touchy. I’ll be right back.” He carried Zexion into an adjoining room as Zexion cried quietly into his robes. I felt bad… What had I said?
“Anyway.” Riku began, once he returned. “About that. Gildas… He became Regent of Lindblum after Cid passed away,” I looked a little confused, so Riku continued. “And after only a few weeks, maybe a month in office… something happened. Gildas was killed, protecting his country.” I looked down to the floor. I’d been tactless. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know” I began, but Riku cut ahead. “Don’t worry; it’s not your fault. Gildas and Zexion were lovers… hence the crying. But what’s past is past. What can I help you with?” I shuffled a bit. “Actually, we were hoping to… maybe… could we… see Her Majesty?” Riku looked down to the floor. “She left the castle around fifteen minutes ago. I went looking, but as you can see…” I nodded, sadly. “We don’t mind waiting. Take as long as you need!”
I crept into the castle stealthily, bypassing all the guards, and stole into an empty room to change back into my regal clothes. I was totally changed when I heard the gentle snuffling. I whipped round, panicked. If someone found out that I snuck into town whenever I could, I would never hear the end of it. Not only that, but there would be such a close watch on me that I wouldn’t be able to get out. I stepped anxiously towards the source of the sniffs to find a huddled mass on the carpet. Unsure of what to do, I nudged it slightly with my foot. Zexion’s watery eyes peeked out at me and I pulled him into a hug.
I let go of him quickly, though; things were still awkward around Zexion when conversation strayed from business. “Sorry…” he snuffled, “but it’s just…Vivi…mentioned Gildas…wondered where he…” I only picked up on one word of that. “Vivi? Is he here, in the castle?” I asked. Zexion nodded miserably, and pointed towards the door I didn’t walk through earlier. I squared my shoulders and pinched my cheeks to bring back some colour. I still felt slightly queasy, but I perfected my posture as I strode purposefully into the next room.
“Vivi,” I said courteously, nodding to my old friend as he bowed clumsily. I chuckled slightly at how flustered he got, and then stepped over to Riku. “I apologise, dear. I did not mean to cause you any concern at my…inappropriate disappearance. It was…inconsiderate and I swear hereby to…never cause a repeat of my…actions.” I hated speaking in that wooden way, and knew that it came out stilted and awkward. “Now, how can I help you my old friend?” I asked Vivi in the same cold, empty voice.
“You’ve… changed…” I began, adjusting my hat again. It kept sliding over my eyes. “You’re…different…what happened to you?” Her Majesty was about to answer when Quistis shot ahead. “Forget that, why did you kill one of my students? With spells Vivi and I helped you learn, as well!” Haru was taken aback. Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes but she blinked them back ferociously. “Seifer was… an accident. I apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly for what happened, though he did attempt to-" I didn’t let her finish. “It was you! You killed him! You killed Seifer, when he and his gang were the only people who ever took me in! You killed my only friend, you killed the only person I could truly rely on, you-” I heard someone shout. “That’s ENOUGH!”
Zexion entered the room in a rage. “Don’t even assume that you know what’s going on here, Vivi! Haru’s faced more difficulties than you ever have, she’s been placed in worse situations than you could dream of, and you stand here shouting at Her Majesty as if she is some common pauper! Don’t even presume-” I interrupted. “SHE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!” Zexion stood right in front of me, looking down at me with rage and sadness in his eyes. “SHE KILLED HER BEST FRIEND TOO! She had to, she didn’t have a choice! You think she likes doing these things?” I looked away, my eyes stinging with tears. Haru had seemed so nice… what had she become? I ran out of the room, no longer able to hold myself together. Freya followed on, and Squall silently left too, but Quistis stayed. As the doors slammed shut behind me, and I ran aimlessly through the castle, I heard shouting emanating from the throne room, “I’m not going until I get a proper explanation! I taught this girl half the things she knows, I deserve…”
I watched Vivi sprint away from me, and looked down at my shaking hands. They were covered in the metaphorical blood of so many people. Riku was hovering at my shoulder, and I looked up into his upset face, and forced back yet more tears. “He’s right…” I choked. Riku shook his head fiercely, but I pressed one trembling finger to his lips. “Quistis,” I said firmly, stepping forward. “Please allow me to tell the tale without interruption. Once I have finished, you may question me, or get angry – you have every right! Just please give me the chance to explain my actions.” Quistis flicked her eyes up and down me one time, and then gave me a tight-lipped nod.
“We were in Balamb Town, and,” I started, but I suddenly felt strangely dizzy. Noticing that my eyes had come unfocused (I assume) Riku rushed forward and supported me as my legs gave way completely. “What’s the matter?” he asked, worry carved into his delicate features. “Nothing, I’m fine,” I said, standing up again. “I just felt a little unsteady. Maybe a drink…” My voice faltered and failed me completely, and I fell into Riku again as the images in front of me swam hazily.
After reaching a room which seemed to be a guest room, I couldn’t run anymore and jumped onto the bed. Crying harder than I ever had before, it sank in that Seifer would never be there for me, never give me another Sea-salt Ice Cream, never protect me anymore… it hurt. He’d been my closest friend… and now I’d never see him again…
Freya walked in, asking me to calm down, saying everything would be all right. Of course it wouldn’t. Now, everything would be ruined. No Seifer, no Zidane… and now I was a criminal. I’d cast a spell on Her Majesty. I hadn’t meant to, it was a reflex reaction… She’d be on the floor by now. But… I’m glad Confuse was the first thing that popped into my head…
I wasn’t really aware of much that was happening. All I could tell was that I was sitting down on something, and Riku’s voice was murmuring. My head was spinning – quite literally, as I couldn’t support it properly. The words he was speaking seemed to be in a different language. Vivi’s vivid eyes kept popping into my head, the yellow searing into my skull. I stood up, pleased to see that I could now. Riku rushed over immediately. “Really, Haru, I think you need to stay sat down for a while,” he urged. I noticed that all traces of regal speech had vanished. I flapped my hand at him. “No, I’m okay; I need to go find Vivi and explain.” When Riku attempted to argue, I cut him off straightaway.
“No, don’t say anything. Like Zexion said, I killed my own best friend. I know what it’s like to just lose the one person who’s always been there. He must be feeling nearly suicidal, and yet I have the nerve to look him in the face and speak to him calmly – he had every right to be angry! You stay here with Quistis – I assume you were explaining what happened to her?” Riku nodded, and I went to leave the room. However, a firm hand on my shoulder made me pause and look back. “I’m coming too. You owe me am explanation, too.” I nodded, and led Quistis, Riku and Zexion away. I didn’t know where I was going, but I asked the guards if they had seen a small boy with a pointy hat, and they showed me the route he had taken.
As the tears didn’t come anymore, I just lay on the bed retching slightly. Freya had a hand on my back, and I heard Squall’s heavy breathing, mixed with tears of his own. Maybe he had been friends with Seifer? I did recognize the description… I looked over. Squall was definitely crying, cuddling his knees and rocking ever so slightly. The door opened, and Haru walked calmly inside, if a little unsteadily.
Quistis ran forward. “Squall!” She leapt over to him, pulling him into a hug. “I shouldn’t have let you go, I’m sorry, I know, it’s okay…” She was running her fingers through his hair. “Squall was there when Haru… did what she did. He was deeply traumatized by it.” Her Majesty Haru faltered slightly; was that the spell or her emotions? “I’ve come… to apologise… and explain things. To everyone. And that includes Zidane.” Her Majesty nodded to Freya. Haru knew about Zidane?
