As soon as we got to the flat, I headed straight for my room and barricaded myself in, sliding down the wall to curl up on the floor. I knew that I wanted to spend time with my family, but…I just couldn’t face it right now. It was impossible to stop my mind from re-running Mitsu’s final moments. I tried to close my eyes, but that just made the image brighter, clearer. The bed in the middle of my room served only as a reminder of the first time that we had met outside of the hospital…Tears threatened to spill out again, so I wiped my eyes fiercely with the back of my hand, standing up despite my shaking legs.
“Charlotte?” a timid voice questioned from the other side of my door. It was followed by a gentle knock, and then Rikku spoke again. “Charlotte, you really ought to have something to eat. What can I get you?” I simply ignored her, hoping she would think I had gone to bed and leave. There was no way that I wanted to inflict my misery on other people…Besides, George reacted the same way everyone else must be…He seemed so angry.
I stumbled into my bathroom, leaving Rikku knocking on the door fruitlessly and talking to an empty room. Running the shower, I carefully avoided looking in the mirror; just in case I looked as much of a mess as I felt. The water gushing out was scalding hot, and I stepped under it without even taking Mitsu’s shirt off. I knew the shower was hot from the steam filtering through the bathroom, but it didn’t stop me from feeling freezing at all. I watched my hands as they slowly turned a glowing shade of red, trembling yet more than before. After a couple of hours, the water slowed to a trickle and I finally gave up. My clothes were stuck to me, but I made no attempt at peeling them off.
Back in my bedroom, the bed looked no more inviting. I suddenly felt a desperate need to do something, and stripped the sheets off the bed furiously. It didn’t help at all. I still felt a distressed want for something to do with my hands. A loud rap on the door startled me. “Charlotte? Hey, Charlotte, it’s George, could you let me in?” I was so surprised to hear George’s voice that I drifted over to my door and let him in. He looked anxious as he tripped over to my bed and slid down onto it, plucking at the mattress. “I…wanted to ask you a favour.” I looked at him and raised my eyebrow silently, wrapping my arms around myself. “I just wanted you…to be nice…to Steven. He wouldn’t ever ask himself, but…I mean, he doesn’t even know I’m here right now…he’s sleeping. But…he was torn up…” I shook my head, trying to stop him from talking.
I swallowed, trying to find some words. “I’m…not trying to…he…I don’t want his sympathy right now.” George stood up again. “No, look,” I said, “…it was my choice to…to sh-sh-shoot him…so I have to…sort myself out…” George simply rolled his eyes at me. “You two are so the same,” he muttered. If I could have chuckled, I would have done. “Thanks…” George shrugged and made to leave.
“It doesn’t smell like him anymore!” I cried. George’s hand paused on the door handle. “What are you talking about?” I walked over to my window, leaning heavily on the windowsill. “I…keep hoping…to find some trace of him somewhere…something that belonged to him, or something that he gave me or anything…but my sheets…and his shirt…they don’t smell like him anymore…They used to. They used to have his unique smell…But they don’t anymore…he’s gone…he’s just…vanished.” I choked back some more tears. George sighed, and strode over to me. He raised his arms hesitantly, giving me a very quick hug, dropping his arms back hastily. I was still staring at him, confused, when he hurried back over to the door. “I should get back before Steven wakes up…But, um…You’re Steven’s sister, so you know…I’ll try to be nice…” he mumbled, and snapped the door shut behind him. I shook my head, dazed, and locked the door quickly, sitting on the stripped bed dejectedly.
I stretched and yawned as I woke. Opening my eyes, I noticed the dark sky outside, and knew I’d screwed up my sleeping pattern. I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes before turning over, looking straight into a beautiful pair of bright blue eyes. I smiled and ran my hand through the hair of the beautiful boy before me. “Evening.” I laughed slightly. “I hope you don’t mind, but I got some sleep too.” I smiled again before looking at him quizzically as I noticed a lack of… fabric? I looked to the side and the bedsheets were still there, and then looked down beneath them. George wasn’t naked, not by a long shot, but he’d taken off his shirt and lay with his body pressed tightly against my own. I blushed, before turning a deep scarlet. “I’m naked, aren’t I?” George bit his lip and nodded, giggling. I turned away from him and got out of bed, careful to only show the one side of my body. I hobbled to the dresser carefully and pulled out a pair of black boxers. I turned my head and caught George staring at me in a mixture of curiosity and wonder, and I laughed. “Don’t stare.”
He smiled before blushing and covering his eyes. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I said I wouldn’t…” I giggled and pulled on the underwear before turning to face him. “You can look now.” He uncovered his eyes and blushed slightly as I stood in front of the mirror, my hands on my waist, leant to one side. “Those marks, on your back. What are they?” I smiled as I grabbed a crimson shirt from the wardrobe. “Stretch marks. You don’t get to be 6 foot tall and 8 stone without consequence, you know.” He bit his lip and slid out of bed, his toned chest catching the light. “I think you’re perfect”, he said, and I blushed, slipping the shirt over my shoulders. George rushed to my side and put his hands on my shoulders, “Allow me.” I looked in the mirror, seeing him stood behind me, and noticing a devious look in his eyes. “You’re my boyfriend now, remember?” He began, and I nodded. He smiled and leaned over, kissing my neck as he buttoned my shirt. “MY boyfriend. All mine.” I blushed and nodded again, reaching back to play with his hair.
At that moment, Brother burst into the room, “Dinner’ll be re-“ He looked over. Saw George and I in such a compromising position, George’s hands still on my buttons. What was he supposed to think? He coughed nervously and stared straight at the ground. “Dinner’ll be ready in ten minutes.” He left quickly, shutting the door behind him with an embarrassed look on his face. I laughed and George slid his hands down to place them on my waist. I draped my arms back around his neck and closed my eyes. “You know, I can’t go to dinner without trousers.” George jumped slightly, as if enraptured by the moment, and let me go. I giggled and hobbled back to the wardrobe, bending over slightly as I picked out a pair of trousers almost identical to… well, to every other pair I owned. In the corner of my eye, I noticed George’s fixed expression, his eyes tightly focused and his cheeks reddened with a blush.
I sat down on the bed and George took the trousers from me, sliding them onto my legs and up to my hips, zipping them up and pulling me into a tight hug. “I love you.” He said, and I blushed. “I love you too.” He pulled back, bending over and sweeping my legs up from beneath me in a flash, cradling me and holding me tight, carrying me over to the door, turning the handle with one hand (still holding me, mind you) and opened the door with his foot. As we entered the room, I noticed the blank expression on Charlotte’s face as she sat over a mug of hot chocolate, Rikku’s eyes positively seething with envy, Brother’s nervous features and a look of sheer delight on Rin’s chiselled face. The combination was impressive and, to be honest, a shock, until I looked at George and realised he was still shirtless. One George, shirtless with his hair ruffled from sleeping, and one Steven, in a totally new outfit. Three hours after they entered the room. What could they possibly think?
Rin came to shout at me. I was just sitting on the floor, and he came banging on the door. “Charlotte, get this door open before I knock it down! I’m warning you, I’ll do it! And I won’t give it back afterwards, either, so you won’t be able to lock yourself in any-” I wrenched the door open before he could finish threatening to take away my door. He was about to continue ranting, but when I turned away to wipe my tears again, he closed his mouth, his face softening into an expression that was almost concerned. “Dinner’s almost ready and Rikku’s made you some hot chocolate. Come on,” he said, more softly than before. I wondered mildly if I looked as dead as I felt, but didn’t care enough to check.
I followed Rin meekly into the living room, accepting the hot chocolate Rikku pressed on me with a weak smile. But I couldn’t drink it. Instead I just watched it numbly as a thin skin began to form. About five minutes after I had been dragged through, Steven and George appeared. I stared at them blankly, not really seeing anything. “Um, dinner’s ready..?” Rikku announced unsurely. I noticed everyone filtering over, but made no move to join them. “Charlotte?” I couldn’t register who had spoken, so simply ignored it. “Charlotte?” someone else said. At that, I set down my mug of lukewarm hot chocolate on the floor and made my way back to my bedroom.
Hours seemed to pass in a blur. Nobody else bothered me until first light filtered through my window. I was tugging my thick curtains closed when a gentle tapping on the door made me blink, confused. Was there anyone who actually mattered anymore? Didn’t Mitsu’s death prove that the world doesn’t care who lives and who dies? Time passed, the same as ever. “Charlotte, it’s Steven.” Hearing the voice of my brother reminded me that there was possibly someone who gave a damn about me. But I knew that he’d rather spend time with George…
“Charlotte,” Steven continued valiantly, “I think you need to eat something. I’ll just leave a plate by your door. Just, eat it…please.” I knew I ought to answer the door, I knew he deserved that much, but…it was just…pointless. Everything I did from now on would be pointless when I never had anyone to share it with. I listened as Steven’s footsteps padded away. Hearing him chatter happily with George in the living room made me wonder if he would miss me at all if I was to simply waste away…
A few hours later, I decided to go see Rikku and thank her for the hot chocolate. Maybe I was too late, but I couldn’t tell how long it had been. I unlocked the door slowly, the noise echoing in the seemingly empty room. In the living room, Steven, George and Rin were sitting on the sofa. Brother occupied the kitchen stool and Rikku was clattering around the kitchen. “Um, Rikku,” I whispered to announce myself. But before I could carry on, she threw her arms around me. “I am, like, so glad you actually said something!” she squealed, beaming at me. I tried to return the smile, but I could feel no difference. To cover the awkwardness, I turned to greet the three on the sofa. George was sitting at one end, his arms locked over Steven’s chest, who was resting on George peacefully. They both looked content in an intimate way. The image made me think of the way Mitsu and I had sat on my bed just days ago, tugging at the barely finished sutures in my heart. Choking on yet more suppressed tears, I sprinted back to my room, embracing the gloom after the blinding light in the living room.
A light knocking made me turn around and swear. I had forgotten to shut and lock my door, and Steven was hovering unsurely in the doorway. Refusing to let myself cry in front of anyone, I nodded at him. He nodded back jerkily. His face looked unsure.
