I like how this one is first-person point of view and gives you an idea of what Konkerou's opinion is on some of the situations and life in the future.
Also, I like how you're formatting the paragraphs and speeches more. It flows more easily and such :D A little critic though is not to say 'he said' or 'she said' too much and use stuff like he/she shouted, or yelled, or exclaimed, or muttered, or whispered, or asked, or pointed out, or purred, or grumbled, or spat; just variations on the manner of speech to make the dialog explanation seem less repetitive. Hope that's useful xD
DixieWings
Daydreamer (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 09/08/10 | Reply
I like how this one is first-person point of view and gives you an idea of what Konkerou's opinion is on some of the situations and life in the future.
Also, I like how you're formatting the paragraphs and speeches more. It flows more easily and such :D A little critic though is not to say 'he said' or 'she said' too much and use stuff like he/she shouted, or yelled, or exclaimed, or muttered, or whispered, or asked, or pointed out, or purred, or grumbled, or spat; just variations on the manner of speech to make the dialog explanation seem less repetitive. Hope that's useful xD