A TwoeyXDeiara/TwoeyXJess/JessXTaro fanfic as a Valentine's Day gift for my friend, Cate. Enjoy!
~~~
"Seymo', feed me!" The 5-foot carnivore yelled to his owner. He and his owner now lived in a small house outside Osaka City ever since he grew, the mansion was destroyed and the owner gave away all of the money owned. This owner was none other than the purple headed girl, Jess. She was sleeping under a kitchen counter downstairs. She opened one eye in annoyance and looked at the alarm clock.
"Twoey, it's 3 in the morning..." Jess groggily stated, turning away from Twoey. The full moon's glow hit a window and revealed Twoey as a plant. He complained.
"But I'm starvin'! I'm going to die!!!" Audrey II started to wilt.
"I'm sorry but there no one out there that I can kill now..." The girl yawned.
"We wouldn't have THAT problem if we'd stayed in the city..." Twoey muttered. Unfortunately, Jess heard that and she was now wide awake. She got up and yelled.
"Don't you DARE mention the city! I'm never going there again! EVER! Not since that incident!!!" She then rubbed her neck, which had many stitches in it. Twoey was shocked. Jess had never yelled at him before. He knew about how she waited for Christmas to begin, to finally spend time with her husband. Everything changed when varied things came; the truck, the 13 ghosts, the guillotine, the fireflies. Now it is February 12th, two months since that happened and both Twoey and Jess had nightmares. Imagine spending what seemed to be your life, thinking that you were a ghost, and spending it with 11 strangers who drive you insane. Twoey dropped the city subject instantly.
"Sorry, I just haven't eaten since I gave up my size and strength to save you, that's all." He did what seemed like a shrug and continued wilting. Jess owed it to him that she was alive, so she got up and walked up to Twoey.
"I'm sorry too. Here," She smiled and showed him a small cut from her arm. The blood was fresh. Audrey II slowly put his mouth on the cut and sucked the sweet blood happily. After that, Jess giggled and went to see if there was some dead mice that Twoey could eat. The homidical plant noticed that Jess, 7 months pregnant, has grown mature. She had also grown taller, wiser, bigger, and she had what she never had before; a woman's body hourglass shape. When Jess came back, she had multiple mice with her.
"Here Twoey. Try to make it last if you can. Eating slower helps you savor it more and makes it last longer.” Twoey licked his lips hungrily as Jess curled up under the counter to resume sleeping. “I sure hope these are as tasty as the Cyrus Jerk!” Completely ignoring Jessica's advice, he scooped up the mice and devoured them in a single bite. Still feeling a bit of a rumble in his stomach, he lightly prodded the sleeping body under the counter.
“Seymo'? Jess. I’m still hungry.”
“Go to sleep!” the space under the counter responded. Twoey then heard Jess muttering things in her sleep. She was having a nightmare again. Twoey sighed and used his vines to touch Jess's body. He rubbed her shoulders, her chest, and her bloated stomach which contained her living baby boy. Jess giggled in her sleep and rubbed the vines in response. The plant smiled.
"Good night, Jess..." He said. Pulling his pod up into his upright neutral position, Twoey eventually felt himself drift into sleep as well.
~~~
Morning came. Jess got up and walked in the kitchen where a plate of toast and orange juice was waiting for her. She stared at Twoey.
"Twoey, you can cook?"
"Yeah, just please don't tell anyone..." Jess nodded, then noticed Twoey grew a foot longer.
"Twoey, you grew..." The plant nodded and spat out a blue hat. The girl glared at him.
"What? I only ate the mailman!" He protested.
~~~
Jess pulled Twoey in a red wagon as the plant read the mail. They were outside near a clearing.
"Bill... bill... income tax... bill... ads magazine... bill... invitation... bill-" Twoey read when Jess interrupted.
"Wait, invitation?"
"Yeah to some Valetine's Day Ball... It's where all OC's from all worlds get to go on dates and dances and stuff... The theme is strange dates so you have to ask someone strange to the dance that is not your girl/boyfriend, fiancee, or husband/wife." Audrey II read the rules, "Also it's a Ninja Academy Reunion." At that last note, Jess screamed.
"What is it?"
"Reunion?! I'm going to die!" Jess breathed heavily.
"What's wrong?" Twoey wanted to know.
"Except for Gaara, everyone at the Ninja Academy were bullies to me! They called me names, gave me wedgies, locked me up in closets, and blamed me for everything." She sighed. Twoey scoffed.
"Really? How bad can they be?" He got his answer when giant footsteps were heard.
"Oh Squirt!" A loud voice called out. Jess knew that voice from anywhere.
"Oh no, the Kazekana brothers are here!" Twoey gave Jess the 'Who are you talking about?' look.
"They were two twins that bullied me since I was 5. When I met Gaara, they bullied me even more which caused Shukaku-sensei to get angered. Sensei turned the twins into giants and put them in a cave far away in the forest. They still don't forgive me..." Jess wanted to run but was too late as two giant men approached her. Their shirts read “Echo” and the other one read “Meko". They were much bigger than Jess and Twoey.
“Hey Jess,” Echo called, “Looks like you gained a LOT of weight! What’chya doing?”
“Are you talking to a plant?” Meko asked, snickering.
Jess held Twoey close to her. “No,” she replied, a little nervously, “I’m just, er, talking softly to myself.”
Suddenly, Meko picked up Twoey with ease from Jess's wagon. “What kind of plant is this?” he wondered, “It’s so ugly!”
“Give it back!” Jess cried, “Give back Audrey II!”
“Audrey II?” Echo giggled, “You named it after a girl? Ya shoulda called it Gaara II or that husband of your's... Taro II.”
"Stop it!" Jess whined as she tried to get her friend back.
“Hey Jessica,” Meko said, “Let’s see how Audrey II likes being tossed around.” Then he tossed Twoey, pot and all, over Jess's head to Echo. Jess desperately tried to grab the plant, but he sailed out of her reach. Then Echo threw him back to Meko and back again, all the while the two men roaring with laughter.
“Jess!” Audrey II hissed quietly, “Save me!”
“Leave him alone!” Jess cried.
Then, it happened. As Twoey was being thrown to Echo, he decided not to catch the plant. Audrey II fell to the ground and his pot shattered, leaving him sprawled on the ground. Then Echo started to raise his foot.
“Oops,” he said, starting to bring it down.
“NO!” Jessica cried out.
“Leave me alone,” The man-eating plant growled. Echo stopped.
“Uh, did the plant just talk?” he asked, shivering.
“If you wish to continue living,” Twoey warned with what seemed to be a death glare, “you would do well to leave and never torment this girl again. Or I might have to kill you.”
Echo and Meko trembled. “Uh, yes, plant,” Meko said, “Let’s get out of here, Echo!”
And with that, the two took off running. Echo then yelled to Jess, "We'll settle this at the ball! Don't bother asking out your husband!!! It's against the rules!"
"Yeah!" Meko agreed, "Besides the only strange thing you can date and love is that plant of yours!" The two laughs could've caused earthquakes. Jess stared at Twoey.
"Wow, you're amazing..." Twoey bowed.
"Thank you, thank you... Now would you please get me up and buy me a pot. I can't breathe easily." Jess did so and used the wagon as a pot by filling up soil and the plant. She then got the idea.
"Hey, how about I take you to the dance as a date? There, we will see Taro and Deiara there and we can dance with them?" Twoey loved Deiara as much as Jess loved Taro, so he gladly nodded in response.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the afternoon when Jess bumped into a girl while pulling Audrey II. The girl rubbed her nose while Jess fell.
"Ow! Watch where you going you," The girl gave a good look to Jess, "You SLUT-FACE!" Jess remembered that voice as well.
"Uh oh... Jane Yamanaka! How nice to see you. How cheerleading and that theatre group coming along?" Jess giggled nervously, "How's your cousin Ino?"
"None of your beeswax, loser." Jane said then looked at Jess's stomach, "Wow, are you a fat a**?" Jess held her tears but shook her head.
"No," She then said something in Japanese (A/N: Cate, if you can translate this one, I'll give you a gift :D), "Watashi wa ninshin shite i mas..."
"Really? Oh my god! Is that an Audrey II?" Jane ignored Jess and stared at Twoey, "I always wanted one. Where did you get?" She seemed interested. Jess had hope.
"Well, did you see that solar eclipse 2 months ago?" Jess asked. Suddenly there was a spotlight on her, everything became dark and some passerby ladies came to sing with Jess.
Da-doo
I was walkin' in my garden flower district that day
Shoop da-doo
and I passed by a section where there was my ex-gardner Tella
Chang da-doo
she sometimes showed me weird and exotic cuttings
Snip da-doo
'cause she knew, you see, that strange plants are a favorite of mine
Da da da da da da-doo
She didn't have anything unusual there that day.
Nope, da-doo
so I was just about to, ya know, walk on by,
Good for you
when suddenly,
Da doo
and without warning, there was this total eclipse of the sun!
As soon as Jess said that, Twoey made a solar eclipse appear and he makes himself known.
It got very dark and there was this strange
sound like something from another world
Da-doo
And when the light came back this weird plant was just sitting there
whoop-see-doo
Jess saw Twoey, smiled, and hugged him as she sung.
just, you know, stuck in, among the roses
Audrey Two
I coulda sworn it hadn't been there before,
but I gave Tella a good raise anyways,
up a dollar ninety-five.
Sha la la, la la la, la la la loo.
When the song ended, Jane was smiling sweetly, which scared Jess.
"That's great. I'm proud of you and Audrey II. It works out in the end because you get your plant, I get your husband." Jess froze, "Also, there will be a contest of who will be The Love King and Queen. It's a Skit Parody contest. Bye Audrey 2^^" Jane kissed Audrey II and left.
"See ya, loser. Wouldn't wanna be ya!" Jess's jaw dropped down.
"Want me to eat the Mary-Sue?" Twoey licked his lips.
"No... not yet..."
