Hello, hello. My name is Xan and I will be your host this evening. Tonight we are serving Boring Life Problems, SHAMELESS Self Promotion, Conceited Blathering, and Mainly Stupid Stuff. Our most popular wine is Why Me. May I seat you?
Feel free to browse but try not to carouse! I hope you enjoyed my pun up there, because I sure did. Here's some boring facts about moi:
- Not a chick
- Not a dude
- So stfu
- I love you! ily, ilu, <3
- I am the Prince of Punk
Blah blah blah BLAH BLAH UGH HOW BORING.
There's really not much else to say. In my past-time I sleep and draw ugly pictures. Sometimes I write stupid words, which you can see in my only other world "Ugh Just Some Words." Otherwise I'm just a piece of trash weeb.
Hmmm.... I don't exactly know how to feel. My boss without thinking told me to grow a backbone, and so I confronted him about it at the end of the day saying, "I have a request. That you don't tell me to, 'grow a backbone' unless it is a professio...
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Hey guys, what's up? I'm just sitting here. Exciting.
Okay, so that's enough idle chit chat. Let's get back to the important subject: Me. Just kidding. I can only wish I was that conceited. But, then again, maybe I am...
Well, I was thinking once again yesterday about why I can't do good school work. And I think it's because I am, like, grieving over what's happened in my life. And because of this I want to not do anything or go anywhere. So I have to stop grieving to stop procrastinating in life. Which means I have to gain enough confidence and motivation to move on. And that is how I will get good grades and succeed in school. Hooray? Hooray.
Uh. Hm... I was looking back on how I got things done before, like in losing weight all those years ago, and I think I just have to buckle down and start doing things. There's not really much thought involved, just doing. But this is a bit different than a physical change, as it is a mental one. So... Well, I don't know. There's a lot of other factors. Like... my fear of being inadequate. My fear of people. My anger issues.
Yeah, did you know that I have anger issues? I am very quick to anger, and over the dumbest things. Which is usually why I wish that I didn't have emotions because I ruin everything for myself by pitching a hissy fit over literally every damn thing. I guess I should learn how to deal with and express my anger in a healthy way. Maybe not even express. Just... deal with it.
Maybe I'm so angry all of the time because I just let stuff build up. Because I've been through so much shit and I'm so angry about it all, so when one little thing goes wrong I just flip out. Yeah, that's probably how it goes. I should learn how to deal with all of my feelings about what has happened in my life, then. Which will probably let me gain some confidence about things and gain some insight on my life and yadda yadda.
Meaning I should go think about all that junk. UGH.
Hey guys. Let's play a game of, "Why is Xan upset today?" I know you love those games. Why would you be here otherwise?
So, today I went to work. And as I worked I thought. Which is never good, just to let you know. I just... maybe I lost co...
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Hey... Hm.
I've figured out that I need to be confident. And to do that I have to make decisions that seriously affect my future. Which means I can't just keep letting things fall into place without trying. And I know how to do that. I just have to decide... like, in what way am I going to do it. I guess.
I think I have a decision to make at present. But I don't exactly realize what it is. I think there is just something that I have to choose to keep... uh.... being successful. Or to be successful. Because at the moment I'm just kind of hanging in there.
I'm kind of worried that I, well, worry too much about myself without actually paying attention to what is going on around me that would help whatever I am worried about. So I guess I kind of gotta', like... start taking care of my problems? Instead of worrying about them all the time, which just makes them worse.
Uh. I'm not too sure what else to say. I got kicked out of/left my brother's house, so that's a thing. I came out on fb as a pansexual agendered person. I'm back at work at school. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Oh, I've decided to stop pining over someone I can never have. I have to stop trying to impress people because I just end up driving them away. And I have to stop, like, almost worshiping people who I think are better than me. Because people are all equal to each other.
Anyways. I'm out.
I'm so tired. I'm also frustrated with who I am, but the good news is that I'm not frustrated in general. I'm actually really satisfied. Last night I went to a gay club for about an hour all alone, and when I told the guy I like he told me I was r...
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