Step One: Get your thick skull to comprehend that you love a homosexual man whilst you identify as female.
Bonus: he's also your boss
Step Two: Realize that you are not part of his life, and are just an employee, and there is so much more to him that you have no idea about.
Step Three: Become friends with him instead.
Step Four: Then get to know about his personal life.
Note: This takes lots and lots of time
Step Five: Rationalize your feelings with what you know and be supportive for his life choices.
Well, god dammit, folks, I seem to have done it again.
(I filled up my journal and need a new one. In the mean time, I will bug everyone with my problems. Hooray!)
Sigh. I don't know why I always want to rush into relationships. Any kind of relationship, too. Friendships, loverships. Meeting new family members. I think it's that depression thing where you don't want to wait to feel happy, you want it right now. So I rush to the heart of the issue. But because of my past relationship I also am too cautious of others. So it's like I draw back when I have lovey-dovey feelings for somebody, but not when I just want to be friends. But I want so badly to be in a relationship with somebody at the same time, and my longing for it is overwhelming. So I'm caught with these powerful feelings and at the same time I'm too scared to move. It's like being frozen with fear. Except it's fear and love and I don't think through what I'm doing so I'm a deer in headlights and then I get smashed into by reality, which is my metaphorical car. Fuck.
Well. I don't know what to do. And I'm attracted to most homosexual men in general. Yeah, that's my preference. Besides intelligence and personality in everyone. Ugh. It's hard being pansexual. I figured out that's what I am, a pansexual. Ugh. So, yeah. I just... don't know.
Step Six: Fail at all steps and relapse into love: MISSION FAILURE.
