Hello, hello. My name is Xan and I will be your host this evening. Tonight we are serving Boring Life Problems, SHAMELESS Self Promotion, Conceited Blathering, and Mainly Stupid Stuff. Our most popular wine is Why Me. May I seat you?

Feel free to browse but try not to carouse! I hope you enjoyed my pun up there, because I sure did. Here's some boring facts about moi:

  • Not a chick
  • Not a dude
  • So stfu
  • I love you! ily, ilu, <3
  • I am the Prince of Punk

Blah blah blah BLAH BLAH UGH HOW BORING.
There's really not much else to say. In my past-time I sleep and draw ugly pictures. Sometimes I write stupid words, which you can see in my only other world "Ugh Just Some Words." Otherwise I'm just a piece of trash weeb.

The Greatest Story of ALL TIME

I have to post up some convos. XD I've had my phone working for one day, and this has come out of it. Here's one with me and Luscious; we were playing the sentence game. XD Since it's told to be a story, with each of us writing one sentence after the other, I'm just going to stick it into story form. XD I started out...
A brick fell from the sky. It had been dropped from an airplane onto an unsuspectin goose. The goose fell about twenty feet, then was hit by a bus. The bus squealed to a halt, and several onlookers rushed forward to check on the bird. Pronouncing it dead, while some weeped, a smelly hobo took it away for his dinner. The hobo's name was Herald, he had formerly been a doctor, but tonight he would feast like a king with his pet turtle; Jerry. Jerry wasn't a very talkative turtle; in fact, as he was a turtle, he quite disliked any company at all. Consequently, herald had quite a few nasty bites on his hand; but he loved his turtle all the same. As the goose slowly cooked over the fire, Herald told Jerry about his day. He recounted how he had gotten three dollars today, but in doing so he had to retell his tale of climbing through the sewers to get the money; thus the reason for his awful smell. He told of how said smell had gotten him the three dollars when he was approaching some little kids on the street. The small children had been so appalled by his stench that they dropped the money they had been putting in their pockets. So he commenced chasing them down the street before he claimed his prize. And then his hurried escape from the childrens' bear-like mothers. He then told Jerry about how he spent the money; but we will not here for child audiences. Jerry sat complacently enough, chewing slowly on a piece of grass Herald had brought for him from the grassy area above the bridge they lived under. Herald rambled on, but didn't notice the lady covere in mud approach from the shadows. Jerry, on the other hand, did. He watched, as happy as any turtle could be, as she stabbed Herald, took his goose, and kicked Jerry into the water, making him slghtly less happy. *unneeded sentence here!* Jerry wasn't too sure about what kind of turtle he was, but he could at least swim, so he was ok with that. He swam for a while, enjoying the chill of the water, before climbing carefully onto the shore of a hotel's property. Jerry didn't care for reading, either, but the hotel was painted a green colour, with fancy writing and butlers running around. He made his way slowly to the double doors, and toddled inside when the door automatically opened for him. He looked at all of the people milling around in their suave clothes, and slowly made his way over to a little girl. The little gir, dressed in a simple pink dress and no older than five, gasped in delight at seeing the awkward little turtle. Neverminding the mud and the water, she picked him up and gleefully skipped over to her parents to show them. The parents, two rather pompous members of society, shrieked loudly, knocking the turtle from the exuberant childs grasp. Jerry, stunned and dizzy, lay sprawled on the floor as the child started to cry loudly. The parents, embarrassed about their child's behavior, strode over to the turtle, picking it up and stuffing it into the girls hands to stop her love squaling. She stopped crying immediatly, and went out to the pool. The turtle sat confused in the childs soft hands, looking at the water apprehensively. She held him over the water, then let him fall, where he plopped into the water. He sank a few inches, too tired to really swim. A couple of jets propelled him about five feet, and somebody kicked him. The little girl began to cry once more, pointing at the turtle and screaming "Mine!" Her brother came over, saw the turtle, and pushed his sister in. The little girl, in a panic, had grabbed her brother's arm, dragging him in with her. They both floundered about in the water until Jerry turned into Godzilla and started to destroy the hotel. Jerry finally was bigger than those around him; and in a flash he grew wings. He took flight, soaring above the town, calling out what sounded like "lollipops." The townspeople looked up in horror and terror: that is, everyone but Tom; he was blind. But, as Tom still heard Jerry, he ran into a couple buildings, then fell off of a bridge. And into the boiling water Herald had been cooking the goose in. The muddy woman waited a couple of moments after he had stopped screaming, then stuffed his whole body into the pot to cook him happily evar after the end.

End