A story of my life

I prayed, wished that I would fall asleep. But even if I tried, the light thumping of my heart and the gentle music in the background was the only thing keeping me from breaking down. The thought was there. I wanted to carve the pain into my hand. But I knew I couldn’t. I made a promise I would, nor could, ever give up. If I had some paper and a pencil…no…I promised to try my best and sleep. My eyes burned from the faint throb of sleep, but no matter how much I wanted to, my head was overrun with too many thoughts. You know, I wish I didn’t exist. That way I wouldn’t fear hurting someone, nor have the fear of death. Yeah, I’m afraid of death, big time. As long as I live in the end though, I can take all the physical pain. I noticed I had blood on my sleeve. I must have scratches myself. It was dry, so I knew trying to clean it off wouldn’t work. Thump. My cat ran right into my door then jumped in the air like the door jumped off the wall and hit her. I laughed a little and smiled. What a little cat can do for someone who’s depressed. I didn’t feel too bad anymore. Still, I had a strong urge to stay up. So, even though I had promised, I sat up and watched my kitten while I thought. I picked up a notebook next to me and wrote this story. As I did I looked at my cat through the corner of my eye. She jumped up on the bed next to me and curled up beside me, right next to my rough drawings. It was getting cold, so I pulled my blanket over my legs and the body of my kitten, and then finished writing. I looked over at my clock. 3:09. it was really early in the morning now. My eyes were thick and heavy with sleep now, so I pulled the blankets up and over my chest holding them over my mouth, after I turned off the lights. Yeah, I think I was drained enough. I fell asleep next to my faithful pet, wondering how I would turn out in the morning.