@Katana:

I know you don't want to talk about this anymore, but our time difference got in the way. You want to know why I wasn't angry or demand he choose me or nothing. I'll tell you what was going through my mind over the last years. (and no, I don't expect you to reply at all)

I was very angry. I hated him just as much as I loved him, and it tore me apart inside.

I put up with it for as long as I have cuz he accepted me at my absolute, shameful worst. You know what my worst is from what he's told you. You know how difficult I am. But he still accepted me. The least I could do was accept his worst, which is in this case, his cowardice.

As calm (or disinterested? insensitive? all of the above) as I seem to be here, as accepting as I seem to be about everything, the stress and pain is all inside. My stress, your stress, his stress... I kept vomiting last night. Literally. That's how much I allowed his cowardice to go on: until I destroyed myself from the inside out. And this isn't the first time I did this to myself...

And that's just wrong. Not cuz I'm physically sick, but it's proof of how long I let this go on for. If I had the courage you have to stand up for myself, then maybe I could've come out and said we're in a relationship, and not wait for him to do it. But I was terrified of losing him, cuz when you say "me or nothing", the "nothing" is his entire otaku family. How could I even begin to compete with that? And I was also terrified of you.

I want to be angry at him for being a coward. But I can't, cuz I'm a coward too.

A man should be proud of his girlfriend, like you said... But I never considered for a second that I'm worth being proud of. I always thought it was just me. Not you or him. Me. My anxieties, my problems. Me. There's always something wrong with me. Of course he would want to hide me. I'm a screw up.

I don't want you to feel bad for me. I'm just trying to explain the best I can. He kept saying it wasn't me. I should've believed him. Then maybe, I could've been brave. But I didn't believe him. I couldn't. And that frustrated him too.

All of this could've been prevented... But it wasn't and I'm as much to blame as him.

He's being brave now. And I'm finally going to be brave too, no matter how much flaming may be happening on and off the site. That's why I'm here talking to you. Whether you believe anything I say or not. I just want you to know.

I hope things calm down soon. I chose to be hurt but you didn't. I'm sorry.

At this point in time, I'm done. I choose to leave this subject where it is. This is to everyone who reads it; I'm just going to go back to my regular scheduled life of school, art, work, and friends. I have a right to every emotion I have felt in this process, whether you respect them or not.

*tips hat*

@Katana:

I am sure this situation is hard on you. I don't doubt that. I still, however, find Neh's behavior wrong. And I am typing this with no anger for anyone at the moment, I just find it inappropriate. To point the finger at someone and call them a liar is never going to solve anything. This situation is not pleasant for any of the three of you. Having someone else jump in on the anger bandwagon isn't going to help. It's just going to add more fuel to the fire. It's very high school drama, especially when she doesn't know what TC may or may not have told Raina.

I highly respected your comments and ability to talk back and forth with Raina rationally. To know that you gave Nez permission to jump on Raina for admitting to being with TC, when no one, at least that I've seen has been downright disrespectful to TC for his post of admitting his relationship... well, I'll be very honest with you, that brings that respect down a bit. I am trying to keep in mind that you have been hurt too, though, so I'm not going to copy Nez's behavior and rag on you about it. I'm sure you have enough to deal with without outside hostility.

I do agree with you that a man should be proud of his girlfriend. There is nothing that says they have to broadcast their relationship to anyone, though. If TC really didn't tell you when he knew how you felt, then that is very disappointing to find out and the both of you have a right to an explanation. Raina probably did tolerate that hiding behavior longer than most would have, but when you bring the emotion of love into, people put up with a lot of crap they wouldn't normally. I can tell you for a fact that it really has hurt her for a long time. So please don't think this is something that just happened.

@Raina:

I think the differences between you and me, in terms of personality, is where this would have been different. Honestly? I would have been angry. If I had been told "We can't be public with our relationship because of this other person", my first thought would have been suspicion, and after time wore on, just plain out anger. And I would not have tolerated it for as long as you seem to have, giving an ultimatum at some point in time: Me or nothing.

A man should be proud of his girlfriend and not be afraid to say anything about her. To me, hiding it is being ashamed or afraid. He never did this until now, and in one of the quietest yet hurtful ways possible. I've been rejected before, this would have been no different. It's just plain cowardly, and this is when I get angry thinking about it.

I'm trying to keep my anger out of this, but that's just...what it's been. Flip-flopping between rationale and anger because when I explain it, I just get infuriated. Everything, all of this, years of heartbreak on both ends could have been prevented if a certain person decided to speak. But he didn't. And that is why I am so irritated at him.

@Dark Phoenix:

I have to come to Nehs's defense, because during the time of her postings, it was because I was afraid to say anything. It wasn't like I was afraid of the people involved, but the situation. For as angry and up-front as I can be, I don't like to make these things into cataclysmic events. Nehs acted of her own accord, but I also gave her permission to do so. Her comments are a good summation of how the past day was for me, and how I only got a clear head when it was 3 in the morning.

Wow, a lot happened after I went to bed. Well, I am still glad you posted and came out with it too. I don't care what anyone says, admitting you are in a relationship with someone publicly is not insensitive.

Katana, I don't know if you'll read this or not, but I am most impressed by you being able to comment and state your side with dignity and not jumping down Raina's throat. Thank you for that. I won't say anything else beyond that, its a matter between the two of you.

Nehszriah, I'm with Michiyo Shimizu on this, your behavior is very disappointing. You make it sound like by her saying she's his girlfriend, it's her fault that she has that position to begin with. Oh my, how dare her date someone for years and then want to tell people, the humanity. She shouldn't have to apologize for admitting they are in a relationship. If they wanted to keep it private, or declare it to the whole world, it's their own choice and doesn't have a thing to do with you.

Furthermore, the only thing you actually said in that whole string of comments was to point at Raina and go liar! Liar! Pants of fire! Talk about deplorable behavior from someone accusing others of acting like they're in middle school. What are we now, 5?

@Katana:

I will put myself in your shoes if you'll do the same for me.

He hid our relationship for years. And I clearly saw your feelings for him. I saw how much people wanted you to be with him. And I was hidden the entire time. I honestly felt like the mistress. I was so jealous of how you were able to even talk to him in public. Can you imagine that? To love someone so much and people thinks he's with someone else. I was hurt in this too.

I know that's hard to believe. But I've been in pain for years. Ever since the first time I tried to join Movie Sign, I've been in pain. I cried so many times the last few years... If I said every day and every night, it wouldn't be a stretch.

I'm not saying I'm a victim of anything or anyone. Please don't misunderstand. I just want you to understand just as much as you want me to understand. And I'm taking to heart everything you're saying.

If you say you can't forgive him, I won't push that. And I already know you won't forgive me.

Putting myself in your shoes... I can't even imagine. I won't pretend to know how you feel either. I'm just trying to understand the best I can. Trying to put my initial thoughts of you. I hope that's enough for you right now.

I know you said you want to leave well enough alone, so I hope I'm not stepping over any lines by replying. But our conversation has been long overdue as well. I don't want to miss this opportunity to understand each other. And thank you for being dignified when you commented. It's given me the opportunity to talk to you without feeling like I should defend myself.

I really am sorry about everything. Whether you or anyone believes me or not.

@Raina:

I unfortunately am in a state where I am very, very hurt, and feel utterly betrayed and immensely disrespected. But moreso, I have been lied to. I have been lied to for the approximation of two years. And it sucks because I have been friends with him for something like five years. But in his attempting to make everyone happy, I have been cut down hard.

I have to respect myself in this situation. At the moment, I cannot forgive him. Please, put yourself in my shoes, and try to imagine how hurt I am. And honestly, I know me, and I know I will never get over this. I have lost someone I thought was a trustworthy friend.

I will leave well enough alone, but I am not going to feign happiness. My distance shall be kept and my words few, and I choose not to discuss this with anyone other than people I regard as close friends. They, like he did once, are helping me get through this, and are there for me to vent my anger, frustrations, confusion, and sadness on.

I hope you're reading this, TC. Just saying.

@Katana:

Thank you so much for talking to me. I've been wondering if I should talk to you but wasn't sure. If you're going to so openly say that you didn't know about me, then I respect that. I just want to be with him. I never thought that something as simple as that would ever... become this.

I'm sorry you got mixed up and hurt in our... I don't know what to call our relationship mixed with situations. But I am sorry and thank you for giving me the opportunity to say that to you properly.

You know how he is. He wants to make everyone happy and make himself the bad guy along with it. He's always more concerned with the short-term rather than the long. I know he's not the most wonderful person out there; this relationship taking so long to come out into the open is proof of that. But I still love him. I hope people will just accept that one day.

I know you hate me and don't want anything to do with me. But can you give him another chance, please? I know how much he cares about you as a friend. Don't take that away from him.

Hi.

1.) I identified as the third party because I was being slammed by people, some of them who even know me. These are things I do not appreciate. If the main party can be named, then the third party can be named as well. This is a decision that I came to after some deliberating. I declared it out of fairness to everyone.

2.) There is your side to this, and there is my side to this. Honestly? We have both been fed lies, and we have both been manipulated by this man you believe to be so wonderful, and who, at one point in time, I thought was wonderful too.

3.) Never at any point in time was I aware of any relationship. Ever. I take relationships seriously and do not encroach on taken territory. That is despicable. I am insulted anyone thinks I would do that.

While I don't expect you to believe me, I wanted to try and put this out in the open. This is ridiculous.

@Nehszriah:

You should just stop it with the back and forth time-wasting efforts. You are neither of these three people and they themselves only know the real truth behind all of this. -pops peanut into mouth- Talk to Tokage about it or let out that steam somewhere else, but not with Raina. Leave Raina alone already. :| I'm disappointed in you of how you're behaving.

@Nehszriah:

What I'm telling you is what TC told me. If you want to call that lying, you're calling him a liar. This is a huge deal. And she could've kept it private if she didn't name herself as the "third party". I know better than anyone that she's hurt. I will apologise to her, but not to you. And you've convinced me that you're not worth talking to.

*hugs tight* Good luck, Raina, and be happy.

@Raina:

This is not backtracking. Lying is insensitive and cruel, if you haven't noticed. I am digging a hole for myself, if anybody, because no one asked me to do this. This is my dignity on the line too; or can you not tell because you're so blinded by whatever lovestruck nonsense you want to parade as the truth whether perceived or actualized? I don't blame you for falling in love, because it can be the most amazing feeling in the world, but I do blame you for trying to brush this off like it's no big deal and act like that's perfectly fine. That is insensitive and anything else you want to say it might be is a lie. This is a very big deal... you just clearly don't understand. I think, you have convinced me I am talking to the wrong person about all of this.

@Nehszriah:

You're backtracking now. What happened to me lying? Or have you finally realised that TC is incapable of lying?

And if you want her to have some dignity left, you'd stop digging a hole for her.

And yes, I want all the anger directed at me. But maybe that was the wrong thing to do, cuz obviously, being unable to let go of a man who's already in a relationship makes you innocent around here.

This isn't "blatant insensitivity". This is you yelling and me listening and replying to your comments as best I can.

@Raina:

And I will never apologise for wanting our relationship to be public. He's been wanting that too, but he couldn't cuz of her. But this is our relationship and she can't tell us what to do.

She has NEVER told you what to do AND DO NOT PRETEND OTHERWISE. The least she deserved was the dignity of having this settled in a private forum instead of thrusting it all out for everyone to see and gape at! Your blatant insensitivity to the matter is what this is about! You said to direct comments towards you because TC had enough grief and that is what I'm doing. So stop digging yourself in this hole before things can never be mended.

@Nehszriah:

It's not a lie, dear. It's what TC told me and I trust him with my life. You may have just watched this situtation, but I was in it the entire time.

And I'll make this clear to you and everyone else. I am not a victim. Neither is she. The only victim here is TC, who wanted to make everyone happy. And he's in pain cuz he feels like he's disappointed everyone.

And I will never apologise for wanting our relationship to be public. He's been wanting that too, but he couldn't cuz of her. But this is our relationship and she can't tell us what to do.

And to hell with your opinion of me.

@Raina:

I watched this entire situation unfold myself and you are out-right lying to my face. Do NOT lie to my face, dear, because that is a mistake. This is not me trying to dictate who TC dates (I said before, it's fine if you date; I want him to be happy), but this is me trying to put my foot down at the baseless degradation and careless gut-punching of an innocent and unnecessary victim. You are hiding behind the victim facade yourself and it does not impress me. I used to have a neutral opinion of you. Consider that long gone.

@Nehszriah:

He told her about me as soon as she confessed her feelings to him. He told her that we're in a relationship right from the beginning. What she decided to understand from that is not my problem.

I'm not going to weasel out of anything. I'm right here. I'm not hiding. TC may be like an older brother to you, but TC is my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover, my everything. And he chose to be with me. I don't care if everyone wants her to be TC's girlfriend. TC doesn't feel that way about her.

You should at least try to respect TC's choices. If you really care for him, you wouldn't try to dictate who he chooses to be in a relationship with.

@Raina:

Possessive? I would like to know where you get your information. Any of it. 'Cause really, it sounds like you're backtracking and warping this situation for a more positive personal portrayal. I watch it happen all the time, so don't try to weasel your way out of it. This is the part where I get defensive over my friends. You are talking about being with a man I see as an older brother and slandering a young woman I see as a sister. How it is possible to enrage me more in the first four sentences of your post than any of the rest of the words on this by everyone else is beyond me. If he said from the get-go that he wanted to see someone else, she would leave him be as off-limits instead of become "possessive"... or whatever you want to think she became. If everyone thought they should have made a good couple, you and TC are the only ones to blame. At least he says he did wrong by this; it doesn't make it right, but it's a step in the right direction at least.

Keeping things private is something a lot of couples do. I know that for a fact, although in my case, "he" didn't want it either. >A> LOL So I know how that really feels.

-huggles-

@Nehszriah:

I would understand your point if TC ever gave her the impression that he was dating her. But he didn't. And you know what? I was "the other woman" the whole time we kept our relationship private. Cuz she went around being possessive of him. Cuz everyone thought she was his girlfriend. Why don't you consider that for a while before you accuse us of being immature.

Excuse me? I'd rather stay out, but you just brought this on yourself.

If you and TC want to date, FINE, but the way it was handled was all wrong. Now one of my friends is torn the frig apart at one of the deepest emotional levels, something I know from experience doesn't just go away in a couple hours (or days or months or even years) and that could have been avoided if a certain couple didn't come out with this earlier. Don't leave such a huge loose end that someone can be drug along unknowingly and then say that this someone decided to get involved as if she was trying to sabotage.

I am disappointed in this entire situation and the fact it even happened. How would you feel if you were on the other end of this? Seriously. How would you feel if you suddenly found out you were the "someone else" in the relationship when you thought you were the only one there? I expect this sort of behavior out of middle or high school kids, not full-grown adults.

If you really want my respect, act like you deserve it instead of pulling stunts like this. Then I might think about it.

I think this sums up what I think:

click meh