This is a great story, but there's a lot of spelling/typing mistakes. You also might want to consider changing the one name spelling to "Jiraiya" - that one's not as much of an issue, though.
Also, your BREAK tags need the square brackets for them to work.
Edit those bits, resubmit this, and I promise it'll be another Fan Word in the bag.
tokyokisshu
Otaku Legend | Posted 06/06/08 | Reply
Oh, hey, I read this on FanFiction.net! (I think). It's so cool. Don't stop updating! :D
SomeGuy
Canadian Liaison (Team) | Posted 06/06/08 | Reply
This is a great story, but there's a lot of spelling/typing mistakes. You also might want to consider changing the one name spelling to "Jiraiya" - that one's not as much of an issue, though.
Also, your BREAK tags need the square brackets for them to work.
Edit those bits, resubmit this, and I promise it'll be another Fan Word in the bag.