THE BIRTHDAY OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA
“Kyon-kun! Kyon-kun, wake up!” my little sister chanted, shaking me awake. I didn’t bother to tune her out. That would just make her try to get me up even more. I sat up, rubbing my head. A bump had made its way onto the back of my head. I must’ve banged my head last night. Sigh…..
“Kyon-kun! Come on, get up!” My little sister kept shaking me. “You have to get to school noooooow!!” she whined.
It’s seven in the morning. I have half an hour to get to school.
I unwillingly got out of my warm bed. Goodbye, bed. I’ll see you tonight.
I pushed my sister out of the room as I got dressed. Geez, when can we switch back to the winter uniform? It’s late October, but it seems like it’ll snow any day now. God, I really hate Mother Nature for playing with the weather. Why can’t we just have one season?
Then again, Haruhi would hate it if she had to wear the same uniform all year long.
I opened the door out of my room just to crash into my little sister, who was standing at the door like a cat waiting for a mouse to hit it with a frying pan. Wait, that’s from some American cartoon… Tom and something… The point is……
"Why are you stalking my door?"
My little sister sat up, presenting a small box wrapped in red wrapping paper. “Give this to Haruhi-neechan.” She said simply, handing the box to me. The box was badly wrapped, but I guess Sis gave it her best shot. I put the box in my bag. “Why exactly are you giving a present to Suzumiya?”
My sister paused, staring at me. “You forgot it was her birthday, didn’t you?” she uttered.
"Oh shit……"
“Don’t curse like that, Kyon-kun!” my sister whined. “I’ll tell mom about your potty mouth!”
"Shut up. I’m in serious trouble here."
My sister was near tears by now. “You forgot Haruhi-neechan’s birthday?! How could you, Kyon-kun?!” she cried, pounding at my chest. You shouldn’t be the one pounding at me right now. Haruhi’s going to kill me.
I stood up. “I’m going to school now.” I said, waving goodbye to my mother and sister.
What in hell should I do now?
I slowly walked up the hill to school. Now that it was cooler, I didn’t mind it as much. It was just what would happen at school that worried me. I could just imagine Haruhi’s tearing face. Then Haruhi would kill me, then Tanaguchi would kill me, and then Haruhi would kill me again.
I’m going to die three times over. Hurray.
I walked into the classroom to see Tanaguchi with half of the class, busily blowing up balloons and hanging streamers that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ on them. Damn it. Why does Haruhi get this special treatment?! I never got this kind of thing. And why are they setting this up, anyway? Aren’t we in high school? I’ll never understand these people…….
At the sight of me, Tanaguchi ran up to me. “Yo, Kyon! Go distract Haruhi! She’s going to be coming in any second now, and we still aren’t ready!”
"Why are you people doing this?"
“Simple! It’s because it’s Haruhi!”
"I’ll never understand you people." I sighed. "I’ll go, I’ll go."
I stepped out of the room just as Haruhi was walking down the hall. Shit. I ran up to Haruhi. “Morning, Haruhi!” I called, waving at her as I ran up to her.
“Hi, Kyon!” She said cheerfully, flashing a cute smile. She looked even cuter now then she normally did….I felt a small pang of guilt.
Haruhi cocked her head. “What is it, Kyon?”
I shoved the small package my sister had given me. “Happy…..birthday. This is from my sister.” I mumbled. God, I’m in trouble.
“From imouto-chan? Awsome!” Haruhi smiled, ripping the package open. She opens her presents like a kid would. Then again, it’s Haruhi we’re talking about. She opened the box to find a locket. It was silver, in the shape of a star. How the hell had my sister gotten her hands on that?
Haruhi attempted to open the locket, but with no avail. “You try, Kyon.” She said, shoving the locket to me. I easily got the locket open.
Inside the locket was a picture of……. me?! What the hell?!
Haruhi blushed at the sight of my picture. Haruhi was blushing?! What the hell?! Everything’s topsy turvy today!
“Wow…… how’d Imouto-chan know what I wanted?” she said aloud.
"Wait, you wanted this?!"
Haruhi smiled, standing on tiptoes. “Yup!” She kissed my cheek. “I love you!”
I could feel my face becoming red. Haruhi just giggled and hugged me. "Are you high, Suzumiya? How in hell am I supposed to respond to that?"
“You aren’t!” she chirped, glomping me. Did she just chirp? What the hell?!
To make a long story short, I did get Suzumiya a birthday present, even if I didn’t mean to.
I gave her a boyfriend.
The Birthday of Kyon
“Kyon-kun! Wake up!” My little sister cried, shaking me from my deep slumber. “Wake up, Kyon-kuuun!”
I sighed, sitting up. I had been dreaming about sweet Asahina-san before I was rudly awakened, so I was feeling a little grouchy. "What do you want with me? It’s six thirty in the morning. Go away."
My little sister smiled. “Happy Birthday, Kyon!” she cheered, waving her hands in the air and hugging me. “You’re seventeen today! Yay! Yay! Soon you’ll be off to college!”
I stood up. "Go away." I sighed. "Now that I’m up, I have to get ready for school."
“Kay, Kyon-kun!”
Geez, that kid can be cheerful in the morning.
So I headed off to school by seven thirty. The hill climb wasn’t as bad as it usually was………Maybe it was because of the dampness in the air. Hell, the sun was hardly climbing into the sky. You must be tired to, Mr. Sun.
“Hey! Kyon! Happy birthday!” Tanaguchi yelled, running up to me from the top of the hill.
"Wait, what in hell are you doing at school so early? Shouldn’t you still be asleep?"
“Touche, my fine friend! I am here because I remembered it was your birthday! Now, where is your school locker again?” He yelled happily. Even this guy, who is my age, can be so energetic in the morning. Maybe it’s just me who can’t seem to get energetic until noon?
Wait a minute. "You’re not decorating my locker."
“Aww, why not, Kyon? And when I came so early to do it!” Tanaguchi screamed, pointing his bandaged finger at me. “Screw you!” He yelled, running back up the hill.
I sighed, slowing down my walking speed. What’s with everyone today?
At eight o’clock on the dot, I entered the classroom.
“SURPRISE!!”
I nearly fell back at the energy in the room. There were streamers, banners, balloons, everything you could possibly imagine for a birthday party. Hell, someone even brought a cake. "What in hell are you doing?"
Okabe-sensei smiled. “We’re throwing you a birthday party, of course! We all came early just to surprise you. Suzumiya-san planned it.”
I immediately swung my head around to look for Suzumiya. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen. "Where is Suzumiya?"
“Apparently, she’s not here, Kyon!” Tanaguchi smiled, glomping me. Get off, pervert!
I almost felt a little sad. I really did want to see what Haruhi would do on my birthday. Wait………She already did this. But she wasn’t here! If you’re going to plan something out, you should be here the day it’s supposed to happen!
Haruhi didn’t show up at all that day. Out of habit, I walked to the clubroom.
Another party awaited me at the clubroom. "Still no Haruhi, huh? Did she plan out this?"
“How did you know, Kyon? Wow, your intellect must be off the charts! Are you a genius or something?” Itsuki smile was plastic. I swear, someday I’ll rip that little plastic smile off your face, you bastard.
I sat down in an empty chair that said the words “KYON!” on it. Well, I wonder whose chair this is.
Suddenly, the door to the clubroom slammed open. I looked up. "Well, you came in late……"
“Shut up, Kyon!”
I couldn’t help but smile. There she was, our stupid leader, coming at me with an angry look on her face……wait, what?
Haruhi stood over me, a menacing look on her face. “You suck, Kyon.” She stated, looming over me.
"How exactly do I suck?"
“Last night I went out to find you a birthday present. I didn’t know how hard you are to shop for!” she yelled, poking my nose. “But I figured out the perfect thing.” She grinned evily.
"If this has anything to do with Asahina, please do not even go there."
“Oh, it doesn’t have anything to do with Mikuru-chan.”
"The way you say it makes it sound exactly like it has something to do with Asahina."
Suddenly, Haruhi’s face was centemeters—millimeters—away from mine. And then she delicatly placed a kiss on my lips. Wait, what in hell are you doing?! The others looked on at the two of us, smiling, and in Asahina-san’s case, giggling uncontrollably.
So, to sum it up, I got the best present ever for my seventeenth birthday.
I got Haruhi.
