Oh god Sayu , that is really not right!
It's really been a long semester for you,I know you been through a lot of things.I felt so sad not to be able to do something for you .At least I can give you some support words but I wish I could do soemthing greater.I'm sure your loved one will always be with you.
About the sacrifice of school,it's also one of my problems.I really hated to study,until I set my goals to study to make my art better.Then I figures out there is always a way to learn and to develop a method to make what you learn usefull in art.Actually my last part of the career is very useful .
Have faith in your skills and you will find great things in knowledge.Remember to aim to one thing each time and try to finish it before aiming into the next one.If not the weight off all the things will just crush you,don't sit down and think about all those things,try aiming for one ,finishing it,and then beeing happy about one less thing you have to do.
What I have to do this semester seems imposible,but I have faith.
*hugs* Such a struggle... I'm sorry to hear about your friends death... I hope it was at least peaceful. This hasn't been a good month, huh.
I agree with what everyone else is saying. Study can help you move forward, but it isn't the most important thing in life. Your brain does need a break. 6 hour stretches won't necessarily achieve more than a three hour stretch. I used to sit for hours in my room at uni, but you just get to a point where you need to stop for a while, to let the info sink in. You seem like a good student, and i'm sure your parents do appreciate you ^^ so just take things one step at a time, and talk to them, if you can, about your concerns. You do deserve some time to yourself for all your hard work!
xD This post is almost as long as mine. However, it's more direct whereas mine is more subtle and not really saying much at all. But I'll tell you that your posts are always the ones I enjoy the most. Whether it's happy, sad, angry, or whatever, I always look forward to what you say and I love what you say, even if it's not all that entirely good.
First of all, that waterfall thing is hilarious, but I can only imagine what that was like, xD
Second, I sympathize with you, again, with all those deaths in your family, but please do not feel bad about them. One could say that their lives have ended, but they have not. If anything, you can keep memories of their lives alive rather than perpetuating the sorrows of their deaths.
Thirdly, I agree, to an extent, with the majority of what the others have said.
Sayura, I believe... no, I know that people are confined only by the limitations they impose on themselves, no one else's. If it is something you truly desire, then you should not sell yourself short. Stop believing that you cannot do it. However, this does not mean you should study for an SAT for 6+ hours each day. Please do not let any doubt linger in your mind. I know from experience that if you give up all hope, then it is impossible to achieve your goals. Do not let yourself believe you are worthless and your "failures" are tied to inevitability, because if you do, then you are. And I know that you aren't. Try to keep a happy, optimistic mind about things and do not like frustration and stress cloud your vision. Meditate if you have to. I recommend that, even if you can only find ten or five minutes to do so.
You don't need to apologize for telling us things. In fact, it's a good thing that you do. But I do believe that you need to tell your parents this. Another commenter said something about your dad needing a reality check, and that feeling crossed my mind but I never found the words, and I agree. I already feel that you are doing your best, and you have been doing your best for a very long time. Please let your parents know this.
Please do not feel the need to sacrifice yourself for others. Being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I believe that, to an extent, being selfish is the best thing to do to be selfless, simply because if you cannot help yourself, then how can you help others? And I believe if you take the time to help yourself recover and other things, then you can help the others know that you don't have to do all of that to achieve your goals. Please speak up to your parents, but do not antagonize them, either. Do not give them reason to feel like they are failures, which I know you're not trying to do. But please be careful.
Sayura, you've been putting yourself in so much stress since the beginning of high school. I've noticed this, and each year it just gets worse and worse. You are a beautiful and intelligent girl; I know this. I don't know how you even get through each day of your life and I want all that suffering to stop. I got a 2040 on my SAT and I am not going to burst my own bubble over that score, but I do understand that most of you feeling that need to improve whatever your score was comes from your parents. If your score was under 2000 or something then I know that you want to improve, but you don't need to do all that just to get a higher score. If it was 2200 or something, then that is just insane. From the way you described your situation, it sounds like the SAT is worth just as much as gold to your parents, and I'll tell you that neither are worth very much to me. You don't need perfects on everything to get into a good college and have a good life. Don't let anything else take you away from the things you love. So try your best to let yourself have many more breaks because you deserve one giant break from such a stressful life you're living.
I will say this again: try to keep your thoughts in check and don't let any negative thoughts veil you from reaching your goals. Two people could do EXACTLY the same things, but if one is optimistic and the other is doubtful, then the latter most likely won't achieve his or her goals. About that two choice thing, try using your intuition for selecting the final answer rather than trying to reason it. Meditation helps develop your intuition, tranquility, thought process, and overall everything else about you. Trust me.
I know all of this sounds easier said than done, but I don't want you in your hell any longer. I feel I haven't been there much at all for you, and I miss you so much. Please trust in yourself and do not give up. Don't continue following along doubting yourself and hoping things will work if you didn't believe they would in the first place. Ask yourself what it is you really want. I love you Sayura. Much more than you'll ever know.
Sold my soul (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
I agree with everyone here. Your well-being and happiness trumps SAT scores and studying. This is YOUR summer. You deserve a break, to have fun and enjoy your youth. You are only human, 6-8 hours is a regular school day. I know how much you honor your father, but sometimes enough is enough. The human brain needs to have a chance to relax. According to Scientific American after 3 hours of studying the same thing, your knowledge will not increase with the following hours. There are some things a person will just not learn from solitary studying.
Especially during this time of your life, the oppressive (fun fact: opressus in latin means 'crushed') study and the deaths of loved ones is not good for your mental health. You are under too much stress... You need to tell your father what you think, even if you think he'll react the way you said. Stick up for yourself?
As has been said, you can't make anyone happy unless you are happy yourself. and if the only way to make your parents proud is to sacrifice your own happiness and hobbies, then is it worth it to make them proud? I'm sure your parents will always be proud of you, but you need to let them know they are asking too much.
The Queen of Sweet (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
NEVER PUT YOUR HAND OUT FOR YOUR HEAD TO GET CHOPPED OFF.
You can never never never make anyone happy if you’re not happy yourself. Even if you are happy because of all the work your doing. You really have to be purely happy with yourself, what you’re doing (enjoying doing your work), and where you are going through doing this work. If you’re not enjoying yourself, stressed beyond belief, worried, scared, and just plain depressed then you’re not doing what you should be doing. Once all of that has settle in, your are not on the right track. Plain and simple.
This world is so misinformed and from birth everything crams the message that you have to break your ass to get what you want/be “successful”. That is not the case, you can do what you love and still be successful. I’m a firm believer and I know it’s true.
There were plenty times where I wanted something and was going the wrong way about it or for some reason I was going down the wrong track and I wasn’t happy. I had to get out of the situation it just wasn’t meant for me and I knew that but I was too scared to do anything. One of two things can happen in my experience: 1 things get SO BAD that you hit rock bottom so you HAVE to get back up and on the right track. 2. You can save yourself early and get out of/eliminate the situation and move forward to somewhere you really want to go that is much easier to do and is much enjoyable. I had to do that a few times or even more times then I realized. If I haven’t I would only made things worst for myself.
“Taking the easy road” my sound lazy, selfish, and against life’s rules but its not. That concept is what we should be learning from birth. The concepts that we are taught are horrible misconceptions and leads us to always shooting for things that others deem “successful” or shooting for the things we want in the wrong way. We always try to do our damnest to MAKE thing every little happen instead of doing our part and letting life/god/universe do the rest. Once you know that EVERYTHING IS NOT ON YOU TO FIX/DO/HAPPEN things gets much easier. You can do only what you want and be happy at the same time. We are all human so there is so much we can do anyway. Success shouldn't be defined on how much blood, sweat and tears you put into something. Success shouldn’t be obtained through that either. As long as your on the right track/happy with what your doing your successful already and the bigger prize is on its way.
You should really look deep in yourself and find out what you really want to do. Recently I was looking though my old journals and washed up on the post were I was pouring my heart out about my dreams about my charms. Where I gave myself a chance to day dream on what I really wanted to do and it was to make cute things and sell them. I remember reading how I felt it was impossible to obtain that dream because of where I was. No money, job, or anything. Plus I felt stupid because it wasn’t a “real job” and I should do something that was going to pay well. Then on a later post I made the decision to shoot for my dream. That was about 2+ years ago and never in a million years would I have thought that I would be where I am today. At same token I really had to learn to “relax”, “let things happen”, and “don’t get stressed out” when it comes to things that I want. I would try so hard to make an online store, charms, and just make things happen when it would just fall apart on me. I would get frustrated, stressed, and depressed over it and just everything in general and it would just make things worst.
I really had to sit down and focus on the enjoyment I was getting out of my new crafts then agonizing over the results I wanted it to have. There are still things I have yet to learn and I have to make more of an effort to be happy with what I’m doing then focusing on the outside forces. Nothing in this world can get in your way then you; you have to get out of your own way to make your dreams come true. Even if it might seem like everyone is trying to take control of your life, you’re the only one who can make it happen. That’s why I can’t stress enough to people to follow their dreams no matter how useless, stupid, or impossible it may be. Take a look 50 years ago we are doing things everyday that people though was impossible back then so don’t cut yourself short when it comes to your dream. Anything and everything is possible you just have to give it a legit chance to take shape in your life. As long as you’re happy and positive it’s that much closer and you well see it little by little.
Another thing is that you need to find ways to make studying work for you. Studying day in and day out clearly doesn’t work for you. People think that more studying insane hours will help but if your tired and stressed out retaining the information is really hard for you and your brain. I find that giving myself enough time and breaks between my works does wonders for me and I can be much more productive. Also maybe talking to your dad/family about all this would be best too. If there is one thing that you and your family can agree on would be great improvement in your situation. I know for a fact that you are working way too hard. It reminds me when I was working at vanguard. The crazy hours, not enough breaks, and the constant cramming of information drove me to the deep end. I tried to keep it together and be “strong” but it is what it is. The work was way too stressful and I had to go even if my mom didn’t like the idea since I was helping her out giving her money every week. The money was good but I hate being there and the thought of me being at vanguard for years really made me cringe. I already had a dream and it had nothing to do with IRA’s and I also didn’t want to wait till another job hopped on my lap when I didn’t even had the time to look for another job. Don’t let others control what you do; only YOU know what’s best for YOU. Your parents my not like it but if you have to you have to tell them to give you some room to think and decide things on your own. You have to live life like it is… Its YOUR LIFE not YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, OR PEERS.
(Big hugs) I’m sorry to hear about Mr. Jim too, I’m sorry you have to deal with so much loss at one time. He sounds like a wonderful man as well as his family. It sounds like you had wonderful times together and a lot more plan before his passing. I bet he is in a much better place watching over you and your family along with your grandmas. :)
Don’t feel bad posting about your problems, everyone have them and its only natural to let out negative feelings. There are a lot of rant posts today and I’m trying to comment of all of them. I need to rant some myself today since a lot of little things are starting to get to me in the last few days haha.
I hope we do get to see you again, it seems like you just came back really. I will miss your comments and your positive aura here. :3
I hope I didn’t babble on either, I hope everything I said made some kind of sense or ring true to you in some way. I know how you feel about a lot of things and I had to find my own way to find a better way to be. Holding resentment, angry, sadness, jealousy and depression is the worst way to live ever. And it’s even worst when you feel like you have no control what happens in your life and you just have to take it as it comes.
(mega hugs) I hope you feel better. Things have been so incredibly stressful on you. I wish I can send all my friends to a fully paid trip to Disney land on vacation haha! XD
Take care dear friend I hope we will see you again really soon!
Last edited by Yours Truly at 1:04:43 PM CDT on June 29, 2010.
Hello there Sayura dear^^ *hugs* I will type this up while I read. :3
From you first part of this post Sayura, talking about goals, why do you find it impossible? I mean, what exactly is the goal you have in mind that you want to achieve? You know, I have small goals in my life, I tend to not make a big one. I just try and take a day at a time. Like on of my goals is to help people, and I can do that each and everyday by just being there for someone. Doing something simple like that can be helping another, which is one of my goals. The goal will not end until I pass away, it will keep on going because I like an endless goal because it keeps me wanting to live and move forward. Sure there are other goals where I think why must I work so hard to achieve this? or why does life have to be so unfair about these things? But the challenge is good for the soul, because although in this world people tend to look down upon it, dreams really do come true Sayura. It's okay to just follow after dreams/goals, because even when you do just that, your still doing good for yourself. You're still wanting to achieve something. There will be some goals that fall short or that we don't achieve on, but that's okay. There are other goals and dreams to pursue, and some of them can just be as simple as planting a flower or making a new friend. You need to set smaller goals for yourself Sayura, but indeed, keep that big goal in sight, but make sure to reward yourself a long the way. Also I have never felt that you truly have to work hard for the things you really want, because I'm so thankful for what I have. I have family, friends, animals, and a beautiful world to live in. And that's what I truly want among all else.
Now on to your Father...he needs to get a reality check. I'm sorry Sayura, no offense or anything, but I'm going to be very blunt and honest, okay? Your Dad seeks something that is beyond impossible. All he is thinking about is what he wants you to achieve DOWN the road and not focusing on the here and now. This is your childhood right now and he needs to realize that you must be a kid at this time in your life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with studying and it's something we all must do if we want to be successful, but if we overwork our bodies like that or do simple things in life, that will not happen. Yes your Dad is just wanting the best of you, but he's being very, very selfish. He's not taking his daughter's feelings in mind at all. This is YOUR life Sayura, not his. And he's thinking you are this perfect being that can withstand everything and not mistakes. But you're only human, as he is.
Sayura, have you told your father these feelings that you're telling us right now in this post? Have you made him realize what he's doing to you? Sayura, you do not need to study for 6-8 hours for a stupid SAT. Good lord. I took the ACT and you know how long I studied for? Maybe an hour? For like 3 days? And I'm accepted in the college I'm going to this Fall and everything will be fine. No I didn't get the best of scores, but I managed and I passed. I wanted to do what I felt was more important and meaningful to me at the time rather than study, because it's my life. You only have one life to live. You know Sayura what you need to work and how long you need to study and what not. Your Father does not control your brain or your body. Of course you need to listen and be respectful, but there is a time where you need to put your foot down. I have a feeling you haven't really expressed all your feelings to your parents Sayura and you need to so, because it's not healthy for you to hold that stuff in and I know you know that. You need to remind them of all the wonderful things you have done and they need to be proud of you for doing those things and accept you for who you are. They don't realize all you have given them and that's really sad. They just want more and more out of you, but not taking in the fact you have already done so much. And excuse me Sayura, no offense again, but your parents sound like they need some counseling in how to raise a teenage child. I know they're just wanting what is best for you, but there is a limit to what the body can do. You're feeling that stuff right now is impossible because your parents are asking for the impossible, beyond impossible. Sayura stand up for yourself, have confidence, and talk with your parents about YOUR feelings. Not theirs. You have no reason to feel guilty or worry about how they will feel, because you're such a wonderful and sweet girl that you have blessed their lives the first moment you were born that they could not ever feel sad or bad about you. Even through all the madness of this stuff, I know they truly care and love you Sayura, but their expectations and reasons for achievement need to be revised. They're letting you miss out on a lot I feel like. Seriously, do they realize that your only a teenager?
Sayura, please do not spend all that time studying. That's ridiculous. No one even in college spends that many hours a day studying. You're still a young girl and you have put so much into your lap. You need to be proud of the things you have done, and I don't mean learning a new language or learning how to play piano, I mean simply being proud of being you. Quit trying so hard on everything Sayura. Take a step back and enjoy who you are right now and accept yourself. You're trying to be perfect Sayura in a way, and sadly, stuff like that can't happen. Tis' the way of the world. So please, work on being more positive with yourself and do not worry so much about what your parents might think or feel, that is worry that is not necessary. They're your parents and will always love you. And if they seriously ever get truly mad or unhappy with you, then there's something wrong with them and they need to get a reality check. But I know that they're proud of you and are thankful for all you have done, but they have become a bit greedy for wanting more of it and not taking into consideration your feelings or of what you have already achieved. They need to find those feelings again and express them.
If you truly want to be happy and make a change, because I know you're not feeling happy about what is going on right now, you need to take a few steps Sayura, but this time with yourself and parents together, not books or they keys of a piano. Talk, analyze, and reflect. Don't be afraid of sharing your true feelings to them.
Anyway, I am so sorry you have had to face all these deaths recently Sayura. Your parents need to keep this in mind as well before they force more studying on you. *shakes head* I know dealing with something like that is really hard and to have so many of those emotions doubling up in that short amount of time is awful. I'm sorry Sayura. The world can be cruel at times. But I believe after you die, you move on to Heaven or some sort of afterlife where you feel no pain and live happily. I'm sure that is the case as well for your sweet neighbor. He sounded like he was a great man. But you know, he will always be with you in your heart and memories. So he's not truly gone, you know? I know you must of made a beautiful impact on his life Sayura with your kindness. You were a blessing in his life and I know he must be very thankful for that. ^_^ The same for everyone else.
I'm sorry for blabbing so much and I hope I didn't offend you in anyway Sayura, I just want you to feel better and live a healthier life. Mentally healthier. So do me a favor and draw a picture. Cut back those studying hours and draw. Or do something you really love to do and do it. Take a break, take a few breaks, take as many breaks as you need. After all, your on vacation right now and that is how a lot of days should be spent. So only do about 1-2 hours of studying a day, then take the rest of the time to enjoy yourself. And if your Father gets mad at you, well, then let him be childish. Because you would be doing nothing wrong Sayura, you would still be studying but more importantly you would be enjoying your time as well. You need to find a balance. *hugs*
I wish you all the best of luck with everything sweetheart and please do not apologize. We're friends and we're always here for you. We love you very much^^ you're a great person. I'm very proud of you Sayura and I always will be no matter what, honestly. ^_^ I love you. Take care my dear friend. *hugs*
Condolences That is really really hard to take, 3 deaths in a month. I can't imagine how it would be like. I would probably feel horrible, tired, and extremely sad and empty. I hope you are able to get through, if there's anything else I'm here for you if you need someone to talk *hugs*
As for your studying, I think that because of your dad,mom and sister are doctors/nursers/etc that they've always had to work extremely hard and learn a lot. For becoming a doctor you must study extremely hard and learn tons of facts and figures by head. It's one of the most difficult studies there is. Because they've always worked so hard and did the best they can it's harder for them to understand to 'work hard & have free time'. Yes you probably could work extremely hard and push yourself - but it's not always a thing of 'you have the potential' but also a state of mind/mentally wanting to do it. What I have heard, you work really hard but you also need some free time to enjoy yourself and simply draw.
I myself have had, and still have, lots of problems with the distinction of 'my potential' and 'what I want/what I want to do to achieve that'. I redid my last high school year (this is hard to explain but I'll try). I can quite easily get great grades if I put effort in it. When I was younger I simply knew no better than just do my homework and I was happy with it. Got good grades and had fun. But Somewhere in my 4th or 5th year I realized that what I was doing for homework/what I was learning was actually boring and too easy for me. The pace was slow and eventually I barely did any homework. My grades dropped, I began feeling guilty and as a result I didn't like myself at all and kind of got distant to more people/had a really difficult and struggling years. I didn't know what I wanted. With a few conversations with a psychologist I got a clearer view of what I wanted and why I wasn't doing any homework. And I've been working since on getting to know myself better/understand why I did or didn't do certain things. I wasn't happy with the way I was and decided to redo the last year in stead of going into a new world/going to university. This year I've had some struggles but I'm a lot happier now. I still don't think I'm doing all the things I could, but I'm still learning..
Another true thing is that I hadn't realized: I barely do the things I truly want to do. I love to improve, I love to learn and I love to help people. That is what really makes me happy. But I barely did none of those: few homework/learning at school/didn't do much drawing -- at least not challenging myself - and well I did continue to help people but yeah. I did things I liked in stead of the actually things I loved to do. Maybe I'm just being lazy and maybe I'm just a bit scared of not being satisfied with going all out and not satisfied. I'm very critical of myself, but I've learned a lot and a lot happier now :D Anyway enough about me and back to you. It's all about 'your potential' and what 'you actually do' and what you 'mentally want to do'. Try and find balance.
Maybe studying that hard for 6-8 hours won't work for you, because even thinking of it you're not happy. But what if you say 'let's work for 3 hours, then draw/have a break for 1,5 hour and then continue studying for 2 hours. Furthermore this is way more effect than working for 6-8 hours straight. Your brain needs rest and it has been proven that if you take a break/rest for a while you study a lot more effectively.
Anyway I hope this helped you and lots of hugs and good luck to you! <3 Take care my amazing friend!
Bazinga
Otakuite++ | Posted 06/30/10 | Reply
Oh god Sayu , that is really not right!
It's really been a long semester for you,I know you been through a lot of things.I felt so sad not to be able to do something for you .At least I can give you some support words but I wish I could do soemthing greater.I'm sure your loved one will always be with you.
About the sacrifice of school,it's also one of my problems.I really hated to study,until I set my goals to study to make my art better.Then I figures out there is always a way to learn and to develop a method to make what you learn usefull in art.Actually my last part of the career is very useful .
Have faith in your skills and you will find great things in knowledge.Remember to aim to one thing each time and try to finish it before aiming into the next one.If not the weight off all the things will just crush you,don't sit down and think about all those things,try aiming for one ,finishing it,and then beeing happy about one less thing you have to do.
What I have to do this semester seems imposible,but I have faith.
Angel
Kaerlyn
Tea pixie (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
*hugs* Such a struggle... I'm sorry to hear about your friends death... I hope it was at least peaceful. This hasn't been a good month, huh.
I agree with what everyone else is saying. Study can help you move forward, but it isn't the most important thing in life. Your brain does need a break. 6 hour stretches won't necessarily achieve more than a three hour stretch. I used to sit for hours in my room at uni, but you just get to a point where you need to stop for a while, to let the info sink in. You seem like a good student, and i'm sure your parents do appreciate you ^^ so just take things one step at a time, and talk to them, if you can, about your concerns. You do deserve some time to yourself for all your hard work!
*hugs*
Suerte
Otakuite+ | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
xD This post is almost as long as mine. However, it's more direct whereas mine is more subtle and not really saying much at all. But I'll tell you that your posts are always the ones I enjoy the most. Whether it's happy, sad, angry, or whatever, I always look forward to what you say and I love what you say, even if it's not all that entirely good.
First of all, that waterfall thing is hilarious, but I can only imagine what that was like, xD
Second, I sympathize with you, again, with all those deaths in your family, but please do not feel bad about them. One could say that their lives have ended, but they have not. If anything, you can keep memories of their lives alive rather than perpetuating the sorrows of their deaths.
Thirdly, I agree, to an extent, with the majority of what the others have said.
Sayura, I believe... no, I know that people are confined only by the limitations they impose on themselves, no one else's. If it is something you truly desire, then you should not sell yourself short. Stop believing that you cannot do it. However, this does not mean you should study for an SAT for 6+ hours each day. Please do not let any doubt linger in your mind. I know from experience that if you give up all hope, then it is impossible to achieve your goals. Do not let yourself believe you are worthless and your "failures" are tied to inevitability, because if you do, then you are. And I know that you aren't. Try to keep a happy, optimistic mind about things and do not like frustration and stress cloud your vision. Meditate if you have to. I recommend that, even if you can only find ten or five minutes to do so.
You don't need to apologize for telling us things. In fact, it's a good thing that you do. But I do believe that you need to tell your parents this. Another commenter said something about your dad needing a reality check, and that feeling crossed my mind but I never found the words, and I agree. I already feel that you are doing your best, and you have been doing your best for a very long time. Please let your parents know this.
Please do not feel the need to sacrifice yourself for others. Being selfish is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I believe that, to an extent, being selfish is the best thing to do to be selfless, simply because if you cannot help yourself, then how can you help others? And I believe if you take the time to help yourself recover and other things, then you can help the others know that you don't have to do all of that to achieve your goals. Please speak up to your parents, but do not antagonize them, either. Do not give them reason to feel like they are failures, which I know you're not trying to do. But please be careful.
Sayura, you've been putting yourself in so much stress since the beginning of high school. I've noticed this, and each year it just gets worse and worse. You are a beautiful and intelligent girl; I know this. I don't know how you even get through each day of your life and I want all that suffering to stop. I got a 2040 on my SAT and I am not going to burst my own bubble over that score, but I do understand that most of you feeling that need to improve whatever your score was comes from your parents. If your score was under 2000 or something then I know that you want to improve, but you don't need to do all that just to get a higher score. If it was 2200 or something, then that is just insane. From the way you described your situation, it sounds like the SAT is worth just as much as gold to your parents, and I'll tell you that neither are worth very much to me. You don't need perfects on everything to get into a good college and have a good life. Don't let anything else take you away from the things you love. So try your best to let yourself have many more breaks because you deserve one giant break from such a stressful life you're living.
I will say this again: try to keep your thoughts in check and don't let any negative thoughts veil you from reaching your goals. Two people could do EXACTLY the same things, but if one is optimistic and the other is doubtful, then the latter most likely won't achieve his or her goals. About that two choice thing, try using your intuition for selecting the final answer rather than trying to reason it. Meditation helps develop your intuition, tranquility, thought process, and overall everything else about you. Trust me.
I know all of this sounds easier said than done, but I don't want you in your hell any longer. I feel I haven't been there much at all for you, and I miss you so much. Please trust in yourself and do not give up. Don't continue following along doubting yourself and hoping things will work if you didn't believe they would in the first place. Ask yourself what it is you really want. I love you Sayura. Much more than you'll ever know.
Cherryshock
Sold my soul (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
I agree with everyone here. Your well-being and happiness trumps SAT scores and studying. This is YOUR summer. You deserve a break, to have fun and enjoy your youth. You are only human, 6-8 hours is a regular school day. I know how much you honor your father, but sometimes enough is enough. The human brain needs to have a chance to relax. According to Scientific American after 3 hours of studying the same thing, your knowledge will not increase with the following hours. There are some things a person will just not learn from solitary studying.
Especially during this time of your life, the oppressive (fun fact: opressus in latin means 'crushed') study and the deaths of loved ones is not good for your mental health. You are under too much stress... You need to tell your father what you think, even if you think he'll react the way you said. Stick up for yourself?
As has been said, you can't make anyone happy unless you are happy yourself. and if the only way to make your parents proud is to sacrifice your own happiness and hobbies, then is it worth it to make them proud? I'm sure your parents will always be proud of you, but you need to let them know they are asking too much.
Enjoy yourself.
Yours Truly
The Queen of Sweet (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
NEVER PUT YOUR HAND OUT FOR YOUR HEAD TO GET CHOPPED OFF.
You can never never never make anyone happy if you’re not happy yourself. Even if you are happy because of all the work your doing. You really have to be purely happy with yourself, what you’re doing (enjoying doing your work), and where you are going through doing this work. If you’re not enjoying yourself, stressed beyond belief, worried, scared, and just plain depressed then you’re not doing what you should be doing. Once all of that has settle in, your are not on the right track. Plain and simple.
This world is so misinformed and from birth everything crams the message that you have to break your ass to get what you want/be “successful”. That is not the case, you can do what you love and still be successful. I’m a firm believer and I know it’s true.
There were plenty times where I wanted something and was going the wrong way about it or for some reason I was going down the wrong track and I wasn’t happy. I had to get out of the situation it just wasn’t meant for me and I knew that but I was too scared to do anything. One of two things can happen in my experience: 1 things get SO BAD that you hit rock bottom so you HAVE to get back up and on the right track. 2. You can save yourself early and get out of/eliminate the situation and move forward to somewhere you really want to go that is much easier to do and is much enjoyable. I had to do that a few times or even more times then I realized. If I haven’t I would only made things worst for myself.
“Taking the easy road” my sound lazy, selfish, and against life’s rules but its not. That concept is what we should be learning from birth. The concepts that we are taught are horrible misconceptions and leads us to always shooting for things that others deem “successful” or shooting for the things we want in the wrong way. We always try to do our damnest to MAKE thing every little happen instead of doing our part and letting life/god/universe do the rest. Once you know that EVERYTHING IS NOT ON YOU TO FIX/DO/HAPPEN things gets much easier. You can do only what you want and be happy at the same time. We are all human so there is so much we can do anyway. Success shouldn't be defined on how much blood, sweat and tears you put into something. Success shouldn’t be obtained through that either. As long as your on the right track/happy with what your doing your successful already and the bigger prize is on its way.
You should really look deep in yourself and find out what you really want to do. Recently I was looking though my old journals and washed up on the post were I was pouring my heart out about my dreams about my charms. Where I gave myself a chance to day dream on what I really wanted to do and it was to make cute things and sell them. I remember reading how I felt it was impossible to obtain that dream because of where I was. No money, job, or anything. Plus I felt stupid because it wasn’t a “real job” and I should do something that was going to pay well. Then on a later post I made the decision to shoot for my dream. That was about 2+ years ago and never in a million years would I have thought that I would be where I am today. At same token I really had to learn to “relax”, “let things happen”, and “don’t get stressed out” when it comes to things that I want. I would try so hard to make an online store, charms, and just make things happen when it would just fall apart on me. I would get frustrated, stressed, and depressed over it and just everything in general and it would just make things worst.
I really had to sit down and focus on the enjoyment I was getting out of my new crafts then agonizing over the results I wanted it to have. There are still things I have yet to learn and I have to make more of an effort to be happy with what I’m doing then focusing on the outside forces. Nothing in this world can get in your way then you; you have to get out of your own way to make your dreams come true. Even if it might seem like everyone is trying to take control of your life, you’re the only one who can make it happen. That’s why I can’t stress enough to people to follow their dreams no matter how useless, stupid, or impossible it may be. Take a look 50 years ago we are doing things everyday that people though was impossible back then so don’t cut yourself short when it comes to your dream. Anything and everything is possible you just have to give it a legit chance to take shape in your life. As long as you’re happy and positive it’s that much closer and you well see it little by little.
Another thing is that you need to find ways to make studying work for you. Studying day in and day out clearly doesn’t work for you. People think that more studying insane hours will help but if your tired and stressed out retaining the information is really hard for you and your brain. I find that giving myself enough time and breaks between my works does wonders for me and I can be much more productive. Also maybe talking to your dad/family about all this would be best too. If there is one thing that you and your family can agree on would be great improvement in your situation. I know for a fact that you are working way too hard. It reminds me when I was working at vanguard. The crazy hours, not enough breaks, and the constant cramming of information drove me to the deep end. I tried to keep it together and be “strong” but it is what it is. The work was way too stressful and I had to go even if my mom didn’t like the idea since I was helping her out giving her money every week. The money was good but I hate being there and the thought of me being at vanguard for years really made me cringe. I already had a dream and it had nothing to do with IRA’s and I also didn’t want to wait till another job hopped on my lap when I didn’t even had the time to look for another job. Don’t let others control what you do; only YOU know what’s best for YOU. Your parents my not like it but if you have to you have to tell them to give you some room to think and decide things on your own. You have to live life like it is… Its YOUR LIFE not YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, OR PEERS.
(Big hugs) I’m sorry to hear about Mr. Jim too, I’m sorry you have to deal with so much loss at one time. He sounds like a wonderful man as well as his family. It sounds like you had wonderful times together and a lot more plan before his passing. I bet he is in a much better place watching over you and your family along with your grandmas. :)
Don’t feel bad posting about your problems, everyone have them and its only natural to let out negative feelings. There are a lot of rant posts today and I’m trying to comment of all of them. I need to rant some myself today since a lot of little things are starting to get to me in the last few days haha.
I hope we do get to see you again, it seems like you just came back really. I will miss your comments and your positive aura here. :3
I hope I didn’t babble on either, I hope everything I said made some kind of sense or ring true to you in some way. I know how you feel about a lot of things and I had to find my own way to find a better way to be. Holding resentment, angry, sadness, jealousy and depression is the worst way to live ever. And it’s even worst when you feel like you have no control what happens in your life and you just have to take it as it comes.
(mega hugs) I hope you feel better. Things have been so incredibly stressful on you. I wish I can send all my friends to a fully paid trip to Disney land on vacation haha! XD
Take care dear friend I hope we will see you again really soon!
Last edited by Yours Truly at 1:04:43 PM CDT on June 29, 2010.
innocent heart
Otaku Eternal | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
Hello there Sayura dear^^ *hugs* I will type this up while I read. :3
From you first part of this post Sayura, talking about goals, why do you find it impossible? I mean, what exactly is the goal you have in mind that you want to achieve? You know, I have small goals in my life, I tend to not make a big one. I just try and take a day at a time. Like on of my goals is to help people, and I can do that each and everyday by just being there for someone. Doing something simple like that can be helping another, which is one of my goals. The goal will not end until I pass away, it will keep on going because I like an endless goal because it keeps me wanting to live and move forward. Sure there are other goals where I think why must I work so hard to achieve this? or why does life have to be so unfair about these things? But the challenge is good for the soul, because although in this world people tend to look down upon it, dreams really do come true Sayura. It's okay to just follow after dreams/goals, because even when you do just that, your still doing good for yourself. You're still wanting to achieve something. There will be some goals that fall short or that we don't achieve on, but that's okay. There are other goals and dreams to pursue, and some of them can just be as simple as planting a flower or making a new friend. You need to set smaller goals for yourself Sayura, but indeed, keep that big goal in sight, but make sure to reward yourself a long the way. Also I have never felt that you truly have to work hard for the things you really want, because I'm so thankful for what I have. I have family, friends, animals, and a beautiful world to live in. And that's what I truly want among all else.
Now on to your Father...he needs to get a reality check. I'm sorry Sayura, no offense or anything, but I'm going to be very blunt and honest, okay? Your Dad seeks something that is beyond impossible. All he is thinking about is what he wants you to achieve DOWN the road and not focusing on the here and now. This is your childhood right now and he needs to realize that you must be a kid at this time in your life. Of course, there is nothing wrong with studying and it's something we all must do if we want to be successful, but if we overwork our bodies like that or do simple things in life, that will not happen. Yes your Dad is just wanting the best of you, but he's being very, very selfish. He's not taking his daughter's feelings in mind at all. This is YOUR life Sayura, not his. And he's thinking you are this perfect being that can withstand everything and not mistakes. But you're only human, as he is.
Sayura, have you told your father these feelings that you're telling us right now in this post? Have you made him realize what he's doing to you? Sayura, you do not need to study for 6-8 hours for a stupid SAT. Good lord. I took the ACT and you know how long I studied for? Maybe an hour? For like 3 days? And I'm accepted in the college I'm going to this Fall and everything will be fine. No I didn't get the best of scores, but I managed and I passed. I wanted to do what I felt was more important and meaningful to me at the time rather than study, because it's my life. You only have one life to live. You know Sayura what you need to work and how long you need to study and what not. Your Father does not control your brain or your body. Of course you need to listen and be respectful, but there is a time where you need to put your foot down. I have a feeling you haven't really expressed all your feelings to your parents Sayura and you need to so, because it's not healthy for you to hold that stuff in and I know you know that. You need to remind them of all the wonderful things you have done and they need to be proud of you for doing those things and accept you for who you are. They don't realize all you have given them and that's really sad. They just want more and more out of you, but not taking in the fact you have already done so much. And excuse me Sayura, no offense again, but your parents sound like they need some counseling in how to raise a teenage child. I know they're just wanting what is best for you, but there is a limit to what the body can do. You're feeling that stuff right now is impossible because your parents are asking for the impossible, beyond impossible. Sayura stand up for yourself, have confidence, and talk with your parents about YOUR feelings. Not theirs. You have no reason to feel guilty or worry about how they will feel, because you're such a wonderful and sweet girl that you have blessed their lives the first moment you were born that they could not ever feel sad or bad about you. Even through all the madness of this stuff, I know they truly care and love you Sayura, but their expectations and reasons for achievement need to be revised. They're letting you miss out on a lot I feel like. Seriously, do they realize that your only a teenager?
Sayura, please do not spend all that time studying. That's ridiculous. No one even in college spends that many hours a day studying. You're still a young girl and you have put so much into your lap. You need to be proud of the things you have done, and I don't mean learning a new language or learning how to play piano, I mean simply being proud of being you. Quit trying so hard on everything Sayura. Take a step back and enjoy who you are right now and accept yourself. You're trying to be perfect Sayura in a way, and sadly, stuff like that can't happen. Tis' the way of the world. So please, work on being more positive with yourself and do not worry so much about what your parents might think or feel, that is worry that is not necessary. They're your parents and will always love you. And if they seriously ever get truly mad or unhappy with you, then there's something wrong with them and they need to get a reality check. But I know that they're proud of you and are thankful for all you have done, but they have become a bit greedy for wanting more of it and not taking into consideration your feelings or of what you have already achieved. They need to find those feelings again and express them.
If you truly want to be happy and make a change, because I know you're not feeling happy about what is going on right now, you need to take a few steps Sayura, but this time with yourself and parents together, not books or they keys of a piano. Talk, analyze, and reflect. Don't be afraid of sharing your true feelings to them.
Anyway, I am so sorry you have had to face all these deaths recently Sayura. Your parents need to keep this in mind as well before they force more studying on you. *shakes head* I know dealing with something like that is really hard and to have so many of those emotions doubling up in that short amount of time is awful. I'm sorry Sayura. The world can be cruel at times. But I believe after you die, you move on to Heaven or some sort of afterlife where you feel no pain and live happily. I'm sure that is the case as well for your sweet neighbor. He sounded like he was a great man. But you know, he will always be with you in your heart and memories. So he's not truly gone, you know? I know you must of made a beautiful impact on his life Sayura with your kindness. You were a blessing in his life and I know he must be very thankful for that. ^_^ The same for everyone else.
I'm sorry for blabbing so much and I hope I didn't offend you in anyway Sayura, I just want you to feel better and live a healthier life. Mentally healthier. So do me a favor and draw a picture. Cut back those studying hours and draw. Or do something you really love to do and do it. Take a break, take a few breaks, take as many breaks as you need. After all, your on vacation right now and that is how a lot of days should be spent. So only do about 1-2 hours of studying a day, then take the rest of the time to enjoy yourself. And if your Father gets mad at you, well, then let him be childish. Because you would be doing nothing wrong Sayura, you would still be studying but more importantly you would be enjoying your time as well. You need to find a balance. *hugs*
I wish you all the best of luck with everything sweetheart and please do not apologize. We're friends and we're always here for you. We love you very much^^ you're a great person. I'm very proud of you Sayura and I always will be no matter what, honestly. ^_^ I love you. Take care my dear friend. *hugs*
just.me
DragonGirl (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 06/29/10 | Reply
Condolences That is really really hard to take, 3 deaths in a month. I can't imagine how it would be like. I would probably feel horrible, tired, and extremely sad and empty. I hope you are able to get through, if there's anything else I'm here for you if you need someone to talk *hugs*
As for your studying, I think that because of your dad,mom and sister are doctors/nursers/etc that they've always had to work extremely hard and learn a lot. For becoming a doctor you must study extremely hard and learn tons of facts and figures by head. It's one of the most difficult studies there is. Because they've always worked so hard and did the best they can it's harder for them to understand to 'work hard & have free time'. Yes you probably could work extremely hard and push yourself - but it's not always a thing of 'you have the potential' but also a state of mind/mentally wanting to do it. What I have heard, you work really hard but you also need some free time to enjoy yourself and simply draw.
I myself have had, and still have, lots of problems with the distinction of 'my potential' and 'what I want/what I want to do to achieve that'. I redid my last high school year (this is hard to explain but I'll try). I can quite easily get great grades if I put effort in it. When I was younger I simply knew no better than just do my homework and I was happy with it. Got good grades and had fun. But Somewhere in my 4th or 5th year I realized that what I was doing for homework/what I was learning was actually boring and too easy for me. The pace was slow and eventually I barely did any homework. My grades dropped, I began feeling guilty and as a result I didn't like myself at all and kind of got distant to more people/had a really difficult and struggling years. I didn't know what I wanted. With a few conversations with a psychologist I got a clearer view of what I wanted and why I wasn't doing any homework. And I've been working since on getting to know myself better/understand why I did or didn't do certain things. I wasn't happy with the way I was and decided to redo the last year in stead of going into a new world/going to university. This year I've had some struggles but I'm a lot happier now. I still don't think I'm doing all the things I could, but I'm still learning..
Another true thing is that I hadn't realized: I barely do the things I truly want to do. I love to improve, I love to learn and I love to help people. That is what really makes me happy. But I barely did none of those: few homework/learning at school/didn't do much drawing -- at least not challenging myself - and well I did continue to help people but yeah. I did things I liked in stead of the actually things I loved to do. Maybe I'm just being lazy and maybe I'm just a bit scared of not being satisfied with going all out and not satisfied. I'm very critical of myself, but I've learned a lot and a lot happier now :D Anyway enough about me and back to you. It's all about 'your potential' and what 'you actually do' and what you 'mentally want to do'. Try and find balance.
Maybe studying that hard for 6-8 hours won't work for you, because even thinking of it you're not happy. But what if you say 'let's work for 3 hours, then draw/have a break for 1,5 hour and then continue studying for 2 hours. Furthermore this is way more effect than working for 6-8 hours straight. Your brain needs rest and it has been proven that if you take a break/rest for a while you study a lot more effectively.
Anyway I hope this helped you and lots of hugs and good luck to you! <3 Take care my amazing friend!