This is so well done. I love your style, and a good cliffhanger ending is always good. The world you're creating here is so different from the kind of things I write, and that makes it even more interesting for me to read. I will go read chapter 2 now!
You said you wanted to read my story? Well I put the Proluge in "All My Emotion" world, and by the time you get this comment chapter 1 will probably be up as well.

wow..........
*thinks*
Well I cannot think of any word other than awesome for what I have read. You can write like extremely well and I admire your choosing of words. This story is going to be an awesome one! Keep it up and I'm looking forward to see some more!

The punctuation and sentance breaks need a little work, but you're wording is fantastic and your hooks are perfect, and placed wonderfully!

holy crap!! thats sooooo awesome!!!!!!!! you have uh-mazing writing skills!! you should go to Kibaumi's World and read part of chapter one and chapter two. i assure you that it isnt as good as yours is but its not horrible(my friends say it awesome,i dont beleive them). this really is good. is there more?? what is the rest of it about?? who is "she"?? IMPORTANT QUESTIONS!! ok, tell me what you think of mine. oh, would you possibly think of a title too please?? i cant.seriously, is there more?? if so i would be much obliged to read it.actually i would be extreamly honored to read something coming from you.(i suck at writing, it ok you can say so) i want to read more!! by the way, sorry this is so long, i cant just make my point and move along....>_<