Quote of the Week: You do you and I'll do me and we're not gonna do each other.

Not Busy + Epiphany?

It's Tuesday again. Sometimes Tuesday feels like the new Friday to me.
Much to my surprise and delight, lately I've had almost zero homework so I don't have a lot of work taking up my time. And I'm not doing any clubs this quarter ( for reasons) so I have a lot more free time after school.
At the same time I feel like I'm falling behind the students who do do clubs/sports because I know colleges like that. I think it would be good if I wrote some more stories. My parents are encouraging me to try to get my stories published in a magazine or something and I think that would be as good as doing a club/sport.
But, I seem to be lacking ambition lately. Or maybe I always lacked it but never felt like I needed it before. I used to think I wanted to somehow get rich when I'm older; maybe create something new. Now I'm thinking I'll be content as long as I don't have to sit in an office all day but can still make enough money to have the free time to do what I like. Not that I actually have any idea of what I want to be. I'd probably say author of I had to choose, but I don't actually write anything. I just imagine little pieces of different stories. I've thought up so many characters but never gone anywhere with them.
And I don't have any confidence that I can write something really good. Which, when I think about it... is kinda strange? I mean it's not like I grew up being told I can't do anything. I get good grades and I learn how to do things quickly so people actually tell me I'm smart.
I guess it's that shy thing again.
But somehow, realizing this now, that my lack of confidence seems kind of illogical to me, makes me feel better still not motivated though
I've tried writing things down to make myself feel better before, but this is the first time it worked.
I think I'll try something to get myself started:

I was wondering lately (for reasons), what motivates me to post in this world every Tuesday and Friday like I said I would? Why am I consistent with this but not other things?
I think I found the answer-- it's because I told you guys I would. I'm aware that you may have forgotten that I said I'll post here every Tuesday and Friday, but I still really feel like I have to our I'll disappoint you or make myself seem untrustworthy. ( please don't say that I don't have to feel obligated to do this or something, because that may ruin my whole resolve. )
This is probably also part of the reason that I always do my homework even if I procrastinate. Everyone expects it of me so I have to do it. Anything less would be a disappointment.

I don't always keep a promise I make to myself, but I keep promises I make to other people.

This is a long post. Are you still reading? I'm going to start small: My next Tuesday post will be a character profile of my favorite OC
Operation 'Finally Begin Doing Something With My Life' Commence! <--- This is me trying to be less shy. I'll probably regret it right after I hit the publish button

Busy

I've been very busy these past couple days. Mostly with work I have for a history class. I have 40 pages of my fat history textbook to read by Friday so I'll probably just be reading for 4 hours tomorrow.

I had to work on this English project last week with 2 other people. They LITERALLY did NOTHING.
I had to make a PowerPoint and a 10 minute presentation by myself when it was supposed to be a project for 3 people. I don't know who's worse: the guy who said nothing to me since the time we were assigned to work together or the guy who said TWICE that he was going to work on it with me during lunch but never came. * sigh* sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares.
Anyways, we presented it yesterday and "we" by we, I mean I got a 75% because we weren't pronouncing things well and there weren't enough visuals. I'm used to getting A's or at worst a B, so this is kinda devastating for me *depressed sigh*. Even though those guys did nothing I think I still should have thought about it more and realized the PowerPoint needed more visuals even though I couldn't think of anything right away. I'm doing good in English, but if this brings my grade down too much I'm seriously going to cry be really ticked. Guess I need to focus more......

I started drawing a picture but didn't get to finish it because I've been so busy. I'll probably get to finish it Friday.