It's Tuesday again. Sometimes Tuesday feels like the new Friday to me.
Much to my surprise and delight, lately I've had almost zero homework so I don't have a lot of work taking up my time. And I'm not doing any clubs this quarter ( for reasons) so I have a lot more free time after school.
At the same time I feel like I'm falling behind the students who do do clubs/sports because I know colleges like that. I think it would be good if I wrote some more stories. My parents are encouraging me to try to get my stories published in a magazine or something and I think that would be as good as doing a club/sport.
But, I seem to be lacking ambition lately. Or maybe I always lacked it but never felt like I needed it before. I used to think I wanted to somehow get rich when I'm older; maybe create something new. Now I'm thinking I'll be content as long as I don't have to sit in an office all day but can still make enough money to have the free time to do what I like. Not that I actually have any idea of what I want to be. I'd probably say author of I had to choose, but I don't actually write anything. I just imagine little pieces of different stories. I've thought up so many characters but never gone anywhere with them.
And I don't have any confidence that I can write something really good. Which, when I think about it... is kinda strange? I mean it's not like I grew up being told I can't do anything. I get good grades and I learn how to do things quickly so people actually tell me I'm smart.
I guess it's that shy thing again.
But somehow, realizing this now, that my lack of confidence seems kind of illogical to me, makes me feel better still not motivated though
I've tried writing things down to make myself feel better before, but this is the first time it worked.
I think I'll try something to get myself started:

I was wondering lately (for reasons), what motivates me to post in this world every Tuesday and Friday like I said I would? Why am I consistent with this but not other things?
I think I found the answer-- it's because I told you guys I would. I'm aware that you may have forgotten that I said I'll post here every Tuesday and Friday, but I still really feel like I have to our I'll disappoint you or make myself seem untrustworthy. ( please don't say that I don't have to feel obligated to do this or something, because that may ruin my whole resolve. )
This is probably also part of the reason that I always do my homework even if I procrastinate. Everyone expects it of me so I have to do it. Anything less would be a disappointment.

I don't always keep a promise I make to myself, but I keep promises I make to other people.

This is a long post. Are you still reading? I'm going to start small: My next Tuesday post will be a character profile of my favorite OC
Operation 'Finally Begin Doing Something With My Life' Commence! <--- This is me trying to be less shy. I'll probably regret it right after I hit the publish button