Alright...I lied again...but I have a legit excuse. I moved, I had finals, I had a very very bad love experience, and started working at my maintenance job again.
Now, I have some other news. I will try to do the project, but my brother is graduating High school and I need to help my parents by cleaning EVERY part of the house...including my old room which is quite a chore because it has become a storage room...and yes I am currently sleeping there. Its quite uncomfortable and I don't have the bed to myself.
There are a bunch of stuff on one half and then my cat sleeps at the end of the bed so I end up with only 1/4 of a queen size bed to myself. Its quite annoying. But its not uncomfortable because of that. Its uncomfortable because the bed sucks and is way too hard. I can't stand the bed. I wish it was softer.
Hello all.
I'm taking myself out of hiatus now. What does this mean? How could she do that when finals start on monday?! Doesn't she have a project due in four days that she still needs to write a report over and finish up the connections?! But of course my friends! Don't you fret! I shall still get all that done, I'm just done with my moping and now my work load has decreased!
That being said, my 365 project is very much past the point of posting everything I missed so I'm going to be starting it up again tomorrow and finish all the ones I didn't do at the very end. I did do some while I was gone, but I just never had the time to post any of them. And why can't I do todays you ask? Because right as soon as my friend is back from the b-room we are going out to celebrate the end of another year! Especially now that all of us are over the age of 21 :cough: Anna :cough: So ya.
I'll be posting some stuff later tonight so look forward to that and wish me luck on my project. I'm going to need it. -.-;
Edit: Never mind...we are waiting for her to finish her episode of Inuyasha now...can't really blame her, its the last Kikyo episode...god I hated that woman.
I did something bad today. I hurt myself and the person who broke up with me.
He told me he loved me still.
He told me he missed me.
We kissed. And made out.
Then he realized what was happening and started crying and saying it was wrong.
I sat there crying and watching him.
Then he kicked me out.
I don't know what to do. Help. Please.
I feel like a god damn teenager again. Its so stupid and I hate feeling things. I just want to be back to normal and not feeling like something is squeezing my entire chest. I remember now why I started drinking.
Let me start over. When I was on my long hiatus from here, I was in my sophomore year of high school. Around the end of that year, I gained a crush on someone in my school. Now this is a very large deal to me because I may like the person, but I might not be attracted to them. Over the summer, we talked and when I met him again my junior year, there was an instant attraction on my part. He was the second person I had ever been attracted to (the first being a young Harrison Ford and we know that wasn't going to happen). Two months into the school year we started dating.
Its now four and a half years later. We are in college. He knows what he wants to do with his life, he just doesn't know how to get there. I know what I want to do and how I get there, but they are two completely different lives. He wants to be a producer or photographer or videographer. He wants to be in the art and theater business. I want to be in the electrical and technology world. My major requires a great deal of time from me. His requires very little.
Now enter his new "best friend". This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a girl. He has had a girl for a best friend before, but this one is different. He talks about her all the time, he compares me to her. He is upset because he can spend more time with her (she is in the same college that he is) than he can with me because I have homework, activities, and projects to do. He has a couple of papers every now and then.
I on the other hand have code that it takes a doctorate professor seven hours to complete, or can't complete it at all. Now that equates to about 35 of my hours to complete this code, because they expect their students to do it 5 times as slow. Add in the homework for the classes as well. Oh! Don't forget that I also have labs that are due every week. Plus, I also have quizzes and exams to study to for when they come up on top of all of that. I'm vice president of an organization, I help with testing a high altitude weather balloon, and I am part of an international organization that writes the libraries for all the codes I use.
I understand him being upset that I don't have time for him. I really really do. Its that he kept it to himself for weeks. He enjoys his time with his friend, which makes him conscious about how unhappy he is with me. The worst of it is, I still love him, and he tells me he still loves me too. He said that I don't make myself pretty and he doesn't like that. He told me he wants me to start wearing makeup and doing my hair. Plus he told me he wants me to start waking up earlier in the day.
He told me that he would rather that I change my personality than us break up. What does that mean? Does that mean that he doesn't actually love me because I'm me? Or that he doesn't realize that he might love me now, but if I change my personality he might not? Thats not even including the fact that he expects that I can change my personality. I also don't wake up early in the day because I'm up late doing all that work I listed earlier. After three years of doing that, there is no way I can change my living habits just like that. Plus I actually like sleep.
Great. Now I've started to make myself cry.
Needless to say, I'm going through a really rough time right now. I'm putting the project on half hiatus until I can get my life sorted out and then I'll catch up with the ones I didn't do. This means I'll put them up every so often when I am in a right mind or have the time, but it won't be every day. I'll catch up on the ones I missed when everything is...different.
Hope everyone is doing well. I'm sorry for the wall of text but I needed to get it out. Ugh, I feel like a teenager.
It is 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm not even at the point where I usually go to bed. It started snowing today which gave me mixed feelings. I love snow, but its time for spring to start getting here. It gets even weirder because in two days we are supposed to get up to 64 degrees. Ya, its weird.
In other news, I am going to be having a very busy week with three/four/five projects due (depends on your definition of project) three homework assignments, two tests, and one exam. I'm really scared for the exam cause I keep sleeping in that class and I haven't been taking notes. Not to mention i have to present tomorrow and I'm somewhat terrified to try it. I am not very good at testing with this type of system. It makes me angry and its complicated. YOu have to make sure NOLOG is on and it has to synthesize and you have to pick which runtime to go off of.
Anyway, I'm getting a new computer and I'm debating whether to put fedora or Ubuntu on it. What do you guys think I should do? I'm heavily leaning toward fedora because I have a really hard time finding ubuntu's terminal every time I start it up. Plus I'm used to using fedora. But ubuntu is much more user friendly.
So, I'm going to go to bed a bit early. I'll be needing all the sleep I can get for the week to come.
