*smacks forehead* I was thinking the "was" referred to "solace" (which is singular) but obviously it should be "were" since it's in conjunction with "visits". My bad ^^;
And I wanted to try out the semicolons after that workshop James did but it seems I'm not really down with them xD Stick to what you know, eh? At least until you've got a proper grasp on usage *chuckles*
Oooh, I'm interested in where this is going, Mimms! I empathize with Richard already, but it sounds like you're leading up into the classic Call to Adventure with something extraordinary happening. I certainly hope so! :D
I only have a few suggestions:
As a child the yearly visits to his grandparents in the summer was Richard Grahms’ only solace; still at an age where one would, or even more so should, be engulfed in the wondrous things in life he found himself irrevocably drowning in an increasingly fading existence.
Just a few little grammar/punctuation nits: that should be “the yearly visits… were Richard Grahms’ only solace,” and there should be a comma between “life” and “he.”
Also, I notice you used a lot of semicolons in the passage here. A few of those clauses at the end don't really stand on their own as independent clauses. Try turning all those semicolons into periods to see which ones are dependent clauses. If you have incomplete sentences, then a comma might be more fitting than a semicolon. Or maybe shorter sentences will even appeal to you more!
Mimmi
Otaku Eternal | Posted 07/19/08 | Reply
@NightBeck:
*smacks forehead* I was thinking the "was" referred to "solace" (which is singular) but obviously it should be "were" since it's in conjunction with "visits". My bad ^^;
And I wanted to try out the semicolons after that workshop James did but it seems I'm not really down with them xD Stick to what you know, eh? At least until you've got a proper grasp on usage *chuckles*
Thank you so much for helping me out!!
NightBeck
Otaku Eternal | Posted 07/18/08 | Reply
Oooh, I'm interested in where this is going, Mimms! I empathize with Richard already, but it sounds like you're leading up into the classic Call to Adventure with something extraordinary happening. I certainly hope so! :D
I only have a few suggestions:
As a child the yearly visits to his grandparents in the summer was Richard Grahms’ only solace; still at an age where one would, or even more so should, be engulfed in the wondrous things in life he found himself irrevocably drowning in an increasingly fading existence.
Just a few little grammar/punctuation nits: that should be “the yearly visits… were Richard Grahms’ only solace,” and there should be a comma between “life” and “he.”
Also, I notice you used a lot of semicolons in the passage here. A few of those clauses at the end don't really stand on their own as independent clauses. Try turning all those semicolons into periods to see which ones are dependent clauses. If you have incomplete sentences, then a comma might be more fitting than a semicolon. Or maybe shorter sentences will even appeal to you more!
Lovely work, dear! I can't wait to see more!