I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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I want to cry right now. Just curl up in the fetal position and cry. A part of me kind of wants to throw up. I don't feel so good anymore...
My roommate. My best friend for 5 years. My sister from another mister. She has told me, without even getting my side of things, she is done talking to me and that she is more mad and disappointed in me than she has ever been in anyone before.
I said some things that I have been holding back for months. All true, and all very tactfully done, but I have never told her this before.
But this has happened to me twice. From two people I had considered best friends. When there is a pattern, you can't really blame the people around you anymore, you have to start looking at yourself. And so I'm wondering if it's me. If I'm doing something to drive my best friends away without even realizing it. Am I this terrible disappointment they seem to think I am? I don't know what to do because everything I've done has support from everyone around me, but maybe I'm not being understanding enough or something.
I just don't know what to do right now. I feel lonely and sad.
So I hopefully move out of this hell hole Thursday night. So I've been scrambling around trying to get all my shit packed up. Which is harder than you'd think even though I just moved a couple months ago.
I decided to tell me roommate I was moving out rather than wait until the day of or not say anything at all. I figured if I stayed silent, that was sending her a message that I wanted to cut all ties with her, which I may not really want to send that message. Yes, right now I'm hurt and sad, but one day down the line, I may regret not giving her a second chance. SO I'm trying to push aside my feelings for right now and give her a chance to come around.
But she hasn't responded to my text, and I know she's home. And I texted her to ask if she could come downstairs to help me sort what is mine and what is hers, but of course she doesn't come out to help me either. So I left her a passive aggressive note asking her if she can sort through what I didn't know whose was whose and hope she gets around to it before tomorrow because that's the last day I plan on packing.
I doubt she'll do anything at all, and I don't know if I should just take what I think might be mine even if I'm totally 100% positive or just leave it. Le sigh.
Roommate drama is one of the worst kind of drama you can get into.
I think I did anyways.
I'm waiting for my dad to call me back so I can go over the pros and cons of the two places I looked at. Then I'll pick one and turn in the application tomorrow and wait for them to approve me, which should only take a few days. So hopefully, I'll know by next week if I've been approved. And I plan on moving then the last week of May.
Here are the pros and cons of the two apartments.
Apartment A:
Pros: Beautiful neighborhood (there's a lake in the backyard, and a beautiful park across the street), nice exterior looking apartment, patio/balcony.
Cons: Smells of smoke (doesn't seem like the landlord's going to do anything about that), small! (I wouldn't be able to have room for all my knick knacky stuff.
Apartment B:
Pros: Landlord onsite, Big and spacious (Room for all my stuff), doesn't really have a smell
Cons: Not the best looking complex or neighborhood (It's literally like 5 blocks away from Apartment A, but it just doesn't look as nice around it- but I'd be blocks away from all the parks and lakes I was talking about), parking lot is kind of small.
They are the same price, and I really feel like I should just take the bigger one (Apartment B) because I get more for my buck essentially. And it's not that bad really. I'm just being picky about the neighborhood. One good thing is that I can have kittens in this place, so I may eventually get some pets!
Which would you go for?
I am going to check out some potential apartments tomorrow! Please pray/think of me tomorrow. I am checking out 2 of them, and I need one of them to be my new home. Desperately. So please please please send good vibes my way!
I will greatly appreciate it!
Hope everyone was able to hang out with their mothers/mother figures yesterday and had a nice Mother's Day with them. My youngest brother and I made our mom homemade cards and then took her out to lunch.
Saturday, my cousin graduated college with the highest honors you can get. It was outside, and it wasn't too bad out, but the sun was hott! I got a sunburn from being outside for an hour! It's really bad on my left side more than my right for some reason. At her graduation party, I got to meet some extended family I had never met before, so that was kind of cool.
Nothing new has really been happening. Home life is same as usual with me being ignored and avoided. But that's alright. Better than her arguing with me or something or kicking me out even.
Hope everyone's been doing well! Tell me something I don't know about you! I want to get to know you guys better!
If you don't want to read the backstory, just scroll down to the part that is after the stars...
As you all know, I am having roommate issues. Big problems actually.
My roommate was my best friend for 5 years. Like, the best friend I have ever had in my whole life and she always said the same about me. And suddenly she stops talking to me and won't talk to me about it, and when I finally get her to talk and ask her why she won't, she said it wouldn't matter; nothing was going to change.
To me, she basically said I didn't matter. That our friendship didn't matter. That her boyfriend, who she literally spent every moment that she possibly could with him. I literally saw her 5 times, maybe in the course of 30 days. She literally slept in her own bed by herself once. Which fine, whatever. I have the whole apartment to myself then and I'm only paying half the rent.
Now, let me just say that from the beginning-even though my name is not on the lease, she has always told me that this apartment was half mine and everything in it was half mine. It was our apartment.
So, I come home one day and she tells me her boyfriend's moved in- for a couple of weeks to find a new place. Now, since I have been looking for a new place, I know there are several affordable, available places in the area he wants. He doesn't have a car, so my roommate has to drive him everywhere. And we live in a town outside the city, so it's not like it's this 5 minute trip.
I had literally zero say, zero warning about this. And I feel that I should have been told he was going to be living there.
But whatever. That's in the past.
*************
What I need your advice/opinion about is this:
He's been living with us for over a month now. No word about him moving out any time soon. Now, he is home more often than I am. So he uses more of the utilities than I do. He also eats my food without replenishing it, which is annoying when I have sorted out my allotment for the week and he eats it so it's gone by Wednesday and I have to starve for lunch for the next couple days or waste more money to get a lunch.
So, now that it's the end of the month, I told her I would only pay a third of the rent. I don't feel it's fair for me to pay half of the rent because now there are 3 people. And especially since she didn't talk to me about him moving in, there was no discussion about how we would dole out the expenses, who would pay for what. But since he is home more than me, uses more things than me, takes me food and all that, I don't find it fair to be paying for all that. If she wants to fine, but he'd be the one to be able to afford it most! (He doesn't have a car so he has no gas, no car payments, and right now no rent. He has money).
And now my roommate is pissed at me, thinks I'm being unfair because she never made me pay full rent for the time that she basically lived at her boyfriend's place.
But the difference is, she chose to do that. I didn't choose to be in the position that I'm in. I had no say in the matter. SO I think she's being unfair.
But I wanted to know if you guys think I'm being unreasonable. Is it just me?
