I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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Where Else to Find ME | Anime/Maga List | Non-Anime TV Shows | The Men in My Harem
So, I was telling my best friend Dyl about the dick pics from the previous post. And I was saying I was sad that my first dick pic was from some creep. And Dyl was like, You should have told me, and I could have helped you out! Well, then for like 20 minutes, we're texting back and forth joking about how we were gonna send pics of that nature to each other. And he's like, if i seriously sent you a pic right now, what would you do. And i was like, sit here calmly and wonder if you'd make me send one back.
Then he goes on to tell me that if I really wanted to do it, he would. We trust each other completely, so we know our significant others would never find out, nor would the pics be uploaded to the internet somewhere. He continued to tell me I'm the only girl he'd ever do this with and that he knows i wouldn't be a bitch after. He's not pressuring me though. He told me if he's sounding like all these creepy guys i keep telling him about then i just need to tell him and he'll back off, joke it off, and then never bring it up again.
A part of me wants to do it, but in my book, that is cheating, so I can't. I'd do it with Joe, but not with Dyl.
Dyl is a sweet guy though. I don't think he considers it cheating. He's always looking out for me. If both of us were single, we'd be dating. And I know we'd be good together.
So, back in January, I was checking facebook when I noticed a 'poke' from someone (whose name is also Joe but is not my Joe). We started having this poke war He is not my friend on facebook or anything. We have 4 mutual friends.... Well, we finally messaged each other. We've got a lot in common!
So, I thought things were going to go well and that I'd make another friend. WAs kind of excited about it. But, then he starts talking to me about his sexual exploits, and I didn't want to talk about mine. He told me about how he hooked up with his 6th grade teacher. Then we started talking about how old we'd 'done' before. Joe is my one and only guy I've ever had sex with, but I played it up to sound impressive, I guess. I'm like, 30 is the highest I've ever done. And he asked me about it, so I was just like, he's my boss at one of my jobs. Then he wanted to know my number, and I was just like, it's not high because I choose to date the guys I'm with. no one night stands for me.
Then we got off the sex thing for awhile, and he asked me if I was dating my Joe, and I told him I was but it was complicated, and he let me tell him about why we're so complicated.
WEll, then he's like friends with benefits, yay! And I'm just like, never had one. Never wanted to ruin a friendship that way, and he was just like, "I could be that guy'. And I'm like... I'm dating someone, so no. And he was like, I'm gonna be up there in the summer for a baseball tourney, we should get together. And I somehow was able to not even address his comment and tried to get to a different topic.
Then he sends me a picture of himself in only his boxers. He had a huge package. But, I wasn't impressed at all. He wanted me to send him a pic back, and I was like, no, not gonna exchange pics. You can look at the ones everyone else can look at on facebook. Then he sends me a picture of his dick! It was huge!
LINE WAS CROSSED! LINE WAS CROSSED!
I feel so dirty. I didn't ask for that pic. I even told him I was uncomfortable with those kind of pics, but look what happened! I am so not texting him ever again....
I need to go shower. I need to go see my Joe. Make me feel better about myself.
Why do I attract the crazies? Seriously.
A lot of people I know are getting pregnant and married. And here I am in a relationship I feel is going to go no where. But, that is besides the point of this post.
For this post, I want to know what you all picture yourselves doing when you're 25. Are you gonna own a house? Be married? Kids? Job? Kind of car?
For me, I want to be married, or engaged, settling into the house we just bought together. The two of us would have already discussed the possibility of kids and are trying to conceive. I'll probably be driving a used car and working somewhere that I don't mind. My true passion will be once our children arrive.
I'm going through child blues right now. At the supper bowl, I played with three little girls ranging in age from 8 months to four years old. I just love little kids, and now I want one more than anything in the world.
So, last night, Joe texts me and says,
"I want to leave Sioux Falls... every day I fight the urge to disappear... I don't know why... just wouldn't tell anyone... just leave and never come back."
I was just, like, wow, ok... Thanks? And he's like,
"Just letting you know in case I succumb. Honestly... and I know this sucks... but I hope someday I get the balls to do it."
I was like, "You're right. That does suck. If you did leave, would you tell me? Would you want me to come?"
and he proceeds to tell me he wouldn't tell anyone about it. He'd just go.
He did this to me in the beginning of our relationship too. Hearing him say that makes me feel so.... unlovable. Like, I'm not good enough. Like, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, nothing I do matters. He doesn't care about me or any of it. He doesn't really love me. If he did care or love me, how could he even think about leaving and not having the balls to tell me about it?
How does he think telling me that is going to make me feel? It's a terrible feeling knowing that you aren't good enough for someone, that no matter how hard you work, how pretty you try to make yourself, how nice you try to be, now supportive you try to be, it's all for not and I'm just wasting my time.
I hate feeling like this. I hate it so much. But, I know I'll never break up with him. He'd have to do something completely unforgivable. But, I'm so warped that I wonder just how far across the line he'd actually have to go before I finally say enough is enough. A part of me thinks I'll never break up with him no matter what. He'd have to do it. And I hate that. I hate that part of me that is too weak to want to be by myself to try again, to want to find someone else.
But, I don't think I can. If I'm not good enough for Joe, what makes me good enough for anyone else?
Oh. My. God. I received my first ever flowers from someone other than my youngest brother. So, Joe comes into the bank, and I didn't see him come in because I was being taught a new job that my manager wanted me to take on. So, he had to call out my name for me to react. And, I was so excited to see him. He usually goes through the drive-through, and I don't really get to see and interact with him. Well, I had to have another teller help him, and when he was done, he was like, "Can you step out for a minute? I have something I want to give you."
And, I'm so eager and excited, my heart racing. It's my first time that I ever had a Valentine's on Vday! So, I run out there, and he hands me a single rose with a card. And he goes, "I would have brought it in, but the card is kind of weird." By this point, I'm really curious. I give him a kiss goodbye and head back in. I ran into a customer I knew, and she was asking me about it making me all embarrassed. *^.^*
So, I go in and display my rose and open the card. It's a cat sympathy card. For someone who has just lost a cat. As I read the front, I'm just like WTF. Then I open it and read what he wrote. Apparently, he gets cat sympathy cards for every occasion because he thought it is hilarious. Which it was. He then proceeds to be all cute and lovey. But, it was just the best thing I've ever gotten.
After work, I went and picked up some Buffalo Wild Wings and we ate in. Then he made me watch 12 episodes of The Office. We had to rewatch an episode because we got a little 'preoccupied' during an episode. Lol.
How was everyone else' Vday?
