I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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This is Chad, Joe's roommate. Joe is the one who is feeding Joe, and their other roommate, Richard is the one filming the whole thing.
Chad ate a habanero pepper, and this is the result.
So, this post is going to get very personal; I just want to get it written down somewhere because it's been bothering me for awhile.
Joe, the guy I've been seeing, tells me a lot that he thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, cute. He tells me he's falling hard for me. He's confessed to having had a crush on me for awhile.
While anyone else would be flattered and happy, I feel differently. Yes, I'm happy he feels that way. But the question that pops up in my head is: why? I want to call bullshit any time anyone calls me pretty. It's not that I find myself ugly. I think I'm pretty average. I guess, compared to other girls around me, I don't understand the appeal of me.
If I was a guy and had to pick between me and say any of the girls that are my friends, I'd pick them over me in a heartbeat. My friends always know what to say, are funny, smart, outgoing, elegant, open, honest, caring people. Not saying that I'm not honest or caring, I just feel like my lack of other qualities overshadow those facts.
I'm not funny, I never know the right thing to say, I'm not smart compared to my peers, I'm shy, awkward, innocent, clumsy, and oblivious to so many things. My body isn't that sexy to look upon, and my face isn't going to make anyone look twice at me.
The part I really don't believe is that he's had a crush on me for awhile. The other girls I work with are prettier, more out spoken, and I'm sure he knew them better than me. Before August, I'm pretty sure we had only said two words to each other since I met him end of last year. I just don't understand or see the appeal of me.
What am I good at? Taking orders and doing what people tell me. That's it. There's nothing to me.
I have a hard time accepting compliments, clearly. Not sure why. But, I do.
I guess, what I'm scared of is that he's going to get bored with me and just break up with me. I like him so much I'd be crushed if he broke up with me. Especially for that reason. Two of my exs broke up with me rather out of the blue, and didn't really give any reason as to why other than they had found someone else. Someone better. What if Joe finds someone better?
I'm so sorry, guys for my lack of presence here on theO. I try to answer PMs as much and as frequently as I am able, but classes have started, and so I'm trying to juggle all that while still seeing my bf and hanging out with my friends.
I just wanted you all to know that I'm still here, and I'm gonna try to post on the RPs tonight. No guarantees, though.
So, as all of you are probably aware by now, I am seeing this guy. Joe. My boss from one of my jobs. We really like each other, and once the season is done, we don't have to hide it anymore. If anyone from our job were to find out, we'd be fired. And, it would suck more for Joe than myself. I mean, I'm part time. I have a full time job. That is his job.
So, anyway, last night, we were sleeping together, and I had this really intense dream. In my dream, I was dating Joe, who looked like Finn Hudson from Glee, secretly like we are now. And, for some reason, we were going to high school at my old school. There was a dance of some sort, and we were trying to figure out how to be able to dance together and whatnot and not have people get suspicious that we were together.
Joe and I were making out in the parking lot and took off our shoes. Hearing a commotion, we grabbed out shoes and ran back into the school. Somehow, though, we managed to only grab one shoe each, so we were missing our other shoes, and we were trying to figure out what to do. Well, us girls never wear shoes at the dances anyways, so I didn't look as silly as Joe did.
Some kid found our discarded shoes and held them up, declaring there had been secret lovers at the school, and they were bound and determined to find out who they were, and the shoes were the key. Everyone retrieved their shoes, and the idea was that whoever didn't have a shoe was who the lovers were.
Somehow, though, 4 of us ended up that way. Joe stepped forward, and not many were surprised. Then, one other guy had to step forward, and this third guy was just thrown out and told to stand there. Then, my boss at the bank sees me and thinks I should go out, too. Not really understanding what was going on, she thought it'd be fun.
I remember walking out to stand next to the three guys and catching Joe's eyes. He gave me a reassuring smile as if to tell me everything was going to be okay. We'd be okay. I was so scared, so nervous. I stood in line, and the 'judge' of who the couple were steps out of this car, and it's both Joe's and my boss. He stands in front of Joe, and knows instantly it's him.
It was in that moment that I realized everyone knew I was the other half of the couple. The two random guys leave, and Joe does, too. He just goes home. Our boss stands in front of me and looks down at me, but I can't look at him, and so I stare at the ground. He asked me what I was so afraid of. When I didn't answer, he said I had no reason to be so scared. When I looked up at him, I could tell he was giving us the okay to continue seeing each other.
I hugged him and hurried home to be with Joe.
It was awesome. I think it's a sign that we'll be okay.
Wow, I'm in such a great, fantastic mood!
Why am I so happy you might ask?
Well, PM me if you really want to know. It might be TMI for some people.
