It's hard. And, I get that. It took years. For the longest time, my dad and I only ever had basketball in common. In fact, the only time we got along was during basketball season, because I was good at it, and it was like I was following in his footsteps. But, even with that, it didn't happen until I was in the 7th grade because before that, I'd always get lectured about what I was doing wrong instead of being praised for doing things right.
I learned that my dad just liked it when I was in the same room as him. I could be on my computer, listening to music while he was watching his tv shows. And that was fine because we were together, and that was all that matters.
But, that didn't happen until after the cancer. Simply because the cancer opened up his eyes. I doubt we'd be this close if he hadn't have gotten sick. I probably wouldn't have gone home very often, and I'd just be growing apart from my family.
Some people just have diffferent ways of showing love for their kids. Communication is key. I suggest you talk to your dad about it. Which, I know can be hard. But, sometimes, you got to do what you got to do.
I'm glad to hear that you have a much better relationship with your father. I think 95% of the population understands what it's like to feel distant from your parents, and Dads are the most common that I hear about. I know the feeling myself and it's not like I don't try to make an effort, and it's not like he doesn't want an effort made. It's very hard to live with him because some days he'll complain that "I don't spend enough time with him" and that "I don't tell him anything" so I'll try to spend more time with him, I try to open up to him, but he just gets mad when I talk to him, or he ignores me because he's too involved in his dumb TV shows. I understand he's tired and he doesn't always feel well, but he could at least show that he appreciates me trying to make an effort for our relationship. We don't fight, but we aren't close either.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I have days where my concern is making everyone happy, and others where I'm confident in my own shoes and doing what I want for myself. I'm trying to learn to be optimistic again haha.
This is when you have to do some soul searching. Figure out who you are and what you want out of yourself. I'll admit this is the hardest part, and I didn't get it figure out until college. But, the key is that you are always changing, always evolving.
But, you got to figure out who you wanna be and then do it. When you want something bad enough, it'll happen. Like, my friend in high school who pushed me around a lot liked to make fun of the less fortunate, and she had me in that mindset for a long time until I got to college and one of my friends there told me that that was wrong.
So, from then on, whenever I thought something bad of a person, I immediately thought of 3 nice things about them before I did anything else. I forced myself to do this until I stopped thinking bad thoughts and the nice ones just came naturally.
The little things are key, because that's what you can build off of.
I'm going to be a Senior in august. It just feels like I'm a doormat; I let everyone walk all over me and I don't have the guts to tell them no. I try to please everyone because I don't want anyone to hate me. I'm shy, I don't go out much, I'm quiet and I'm REALLY self-conscious. I hate to admit it, but I'm like a size 16/18 in pants and I'm only sixteen. I hate my body but I don't have the will to change. I want to...I just can't for some reason.
It also feels like I don't know who I am. I've been putting on a mask for so long, I can't take it off.
It's ok.
I decided senior year that I didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be different. Of course, I knew once I hit college, I was starting over. I'd be in a big city, 3 hours away from home where I would know no one, I'd have a clean slate.
It took me about a year and a half to two years.
In fact, I didn't start becoming comfortable with my body until my roommate, who is a size 0 and the size of a stick told me she thought my body was what people who were healthy were supposed to look like.
It takes awhile. But, it can be done.
"Then, I have to think about how much I have changed. Back then, I was lonely, quiet, and super self conscious about my body and personality. I was a people pleaser. I couldn't stand the thought of someone not liking me. So, I went out of my way to make everyone happy. I became the rug everyone walked on."
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/30/12 | Reply
@Morbid Dollie:
It's hard. And, I get that. It took years. For the longest time, my dad and I only ever had basketball in common. In fact, the only time we got along was during basketball season, because I was good at it, and it was like I was following in his footsteps. But, even with that, it didn't happen until I was in the 7th grade because before that, I'd always get lectured about what I was doing wrong instead of being praised for doing things right.
I learned that my dad just liked it when I was in the same room as him. I could be on my computer, listening to music while he was watching his tv shows. And that was fine because we were together, and that was all that matters.
But, that didn't happen until after the cancer. Simply because the cancer opened up his eyes. I doubt we'd be this close if he hadn't have gotten sick. I probably wouldn't have gone home very often, and I'd just be growing apart from my family.
Some people just have diffferent ways of showing love for their kids. Communication is key. I suggest you talk to your dad about it. Which, I know can be hard. But, sometimes, you got to do what you got to do.
Morbid Dollie
Strawberry (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/30/12 | Reply
I'm glad to hear that you have a much better relationship with your father. I think 95% of the population understands what it's like to feel distant from your parents, and Dads are the most common that I hear about. I know the feeling myself and it's not like I don't try to make an effort, and it's not like he doesn't want an effort made. It's very hard to live with him because some days he'll complain that "I don't spend enough time with him" and that "I don't tell him anything" so I'll try to spend more time with him, I try to open up to him, but he just gets mad when I talk to him, or he ignores me because he's too involved in his dumb TV shows. I understand he's tired and he doesn't always feel well, but he could at least show that he appreciates me trying to make an effort for our relationship. We don't fight, but we aren't close either.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I have days where my concern is making everyone happy, and others where I'm confident in my own shoes and doing what I want for myself. I'm trying to learn to be optimistic again haha.
-those with the biggest hearts hurt the most
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/29/12 | Reply
@Blindloverr713:
This is when you have to do some soul searching. Figure out who you are and what you want out of yourself. I'll admit this is the hardest part, and I didn't get it figure out until college. But, the key is that you are always changing, always evolving.
But, you got to figure out who you wanna be and then do it. When you want something bad enough, it'll happen. Like, my friend in high school who pushed me around a lot liked to make fun of the less fortunate, and she had me in that mindset for a long time until I got to college and one of my friends there told me that that was wrong.
So, from then on, whenever I thought something bad of a person, I immediately thought of 3 nice things about them before I did anything else. I forced myself to do this until I stopped thinking bad thoughts and the nice ones just came naturally.
The little things are key, because that's what you can build off of.
Blindloverr713
Otaku Legend | Posted 05/29/12 | Reply
@DemonsandAngels:
I'm going to be a Senior in august. It just feels like I'm a doormat; I let everyone walk all over me and I don't have the guts to tell them no. I try to please everyone because I don't want anyone to hate me. I'm shy, I don't go out much, I'm quiet and I'm REALLY self-conscious. I hate to admit it, but I'm like a size 16/18 in pants and I'm only sixteen. I hate my body but I don't have the will to change. I want to...I just can't for some reason.
It also feels like I don't know who I am. I've been putting on a mask for so long, I can't take it off.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 05/29/12 | Reply
@Blindloverr713:
It's ok.
I decided senior year that I didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to be different. Of course, I knew once I hit college, I was starting over. I'd be in a big city, 3 hours away from home where I would know no one, I'd have a clean slate.
It took me about a year and a half to two years.
In fact, I didn't start becoming comfortable with my body until my roommate, who is a size 0 and the size of a stick told me she thought my body was what people who were healthy were supposed to look like.
It takes awhile. But, it can be done.
Blindloverr713
Otaku Legend | Posted 05/29/12 | Reply
"Then, I have to think about how much I have changed. Back then, I was lonely, quiet, and super self conscious about my body and personality. I was a people pleaser. I couldn't stand the thought of someone not liking me. So, I went out of my way to make everyone happy. I became the rug everyone walked on."
That is exactly how I am right now. :(