I feel like I made it sound like I am pissed at my friends. No, I'm pissed at myself. My friends are great. They are good people. I wouldn't trade them for the world. The problem is that they don't know how I feel. They don't know I hold so much in. That's not their fault. Doesn't make it easier. I'm just tired of keeping it all in. A part of me wants them to see how tired I am, but I know in a few days/weeks, I'll be okay again.
I get what you're saying.
I feel like I made it sound like I'm pissed at my friends, that they don't care, that they aren't supportive. That is so far from the truth. They are amazing people who I wouldn't trade the world for. They just don't know how I feel, and I probably will never tell them. I can't blame them for that. I guess I do feel competitive with their significant others about their attention in a way, but I'll have to find a way to get over that. If they were dating nice guys, it'd be different.
I do need to take time for myself. But I just can't in the winter. There's nowhere for me to go. I'm stuck inside because it's so cold. I cannot wait for summer.
Ugh, I know what you mean! My own friends have been pushing me off, taking my advantage, while not respecting and listening to me. IT IS BETTER TO HANG OUT WITH FAMILY THAN PRICKS LIKE THESE! It really hurts when you do so much for others and they don't even look at you properly. I sympathize, my friend...
There, there.
I understand how frustrating that can be. That type of rage is the worst; but it is healthy that you are verbalizing these anxieties so they don't just blow up and out.
Ahem, but at the same time here is my take on your plights.
Self-sufficiency. I often see myself in situations like that, where your friends don't even seem like your friends, more like people you have to compete with. And sometimes trying to have them around you only makes things worse. Especially if you're being another person's 3rd wheel or occasional ear and you don't feel on even grounds as friends.
Maybe this should be a sign that you should stop caring too much about other people and their problems. Especially if they don't seem to be caring about yours.
Or just take a break and find yourself again. Don't take it as nobody-will-miss-you-when-you're-gone, but as a do it for yourself scenario. Does that make sense??
And if all-else fails, your family, like you said, is always there.
I hear what you're saying.
The situation is a little different as I'm not jealous of my friend's boyfriends. They aren't really making my friends better people. If they were, I'd freaking love the guys. That's why it's so hard. I can't say I hate a guy that isn't bettering you when they are so head over heels in love, so I get that aspect of what you're saying.
I will keep my tongue. I'll just deal with it. Like I always do.
As for the Joe thing. I know what I need to do there, but is so very very hard. I can't help the feeling that I'd be doing more harm than good by cutting him out of my life. I'll figure out what to do about him eventually.
I understand how you feel 100%. When my sister told me she'd be moving to Dallas, I had the sickest feeling in my stomach. I was so afraid we'd grow apart, and she'd rise on to bigger and better things, and I'd be left behind. My sister is the only one that loves me so completely and totally. She knows everything about me, and vice versa. The first week she was really and truly gone, was the worst week of my life. Not being able to wake up, and talk to her and joke with her - it was heartrendingly lonely. But, I can still keep up to date with her via Facebook and other sites. We occasionally skype. I was getting used to it. I still had times when I'd stop and feel very empty and lonely and sad, but it was better than before. It was easier. But then, my sister met William, her current boyfriend. I've never been on good terms with her boyfriends or girlfriends - even if they were people I'd previously been friends with. When you date my sister, it becomes much more personal. My sister hasn't had a very good track record, as many (if not all) of the people my sister has dated have broke her heart or used her for... their own "personal gain", if you catch my drift. I was, naturally, very skeptical of William right from the get-go. But, my sister - oh, she was - and is - head over heels madly in love with him. I was bitterly jealous of him. He got to spend all this time with her. He was returning that old glow to her, that I'd been trying to restore for many years. I was angry and jealous of him - he was doing things for her, I could never achieve. I hated him. I'd talked my sister through so many bouts of panic attacks, fits of sadness and depression, encouraged her and gave her all the love she needed, so she'd finally reach a point where she could honestly say she's happy - and he just waltzes in, sweeps her off her feet, and it's as if she were never sad to begin with. I hated him so very much. But, he made her smile, so I held my tongue. Recently, I had a talk (and actual face-to-face talk) about it. For her sake, I'm going to try to like him. He has his problems, just like everyone else, and I'm going to try to like him. I'll never be able to suppress how I feel, but I'll try to mask it, if only to see her smile again.
Sometimes, you must make sacrifices to keep those you love happy. It's not a noble thing - in fact, it's almost selfish. But, it's human. You are human. It's alright to feel fed up with being the support. If you have to cry, then cry. If you have to ignore people - do it. It's your life. Do what makes you happy. Talk things over with "A". I can't guarantee it'll help, but it's a start.
Also, of all the posts I've read about this Joe, I can offer only this: Cut him off. He's poison. It'll most certainly be hard, and it will most certainly hurt, but once you come out of that fog, everything will seem much, much more beautiful. If Joe isn't willing to make an effort, then you shouldn't either. Find someone you can love without having to explain yourself. Find someone who loves you without explanation.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 03/03/14 | Reply
@Hifsa:
I feel like I made it sound like I am pissed at my friends. No, I'm pissed at myself. My friends are great. They are good people. I wouldn't trade them for the world. The problem is that they don't know how I feel. They don't know I hold so much in. That's not their fault. Doesn't make it easier. I'm just tired of keeping it all in. A part of me wants them to see how tired I am, but I know in a few days/weeks, I'll be okay again.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 03/03/14 | Reply
@Kazamas-Keyblade:
I get what you're saying.
I feel like I made it sound like I'm pissed at my friends, that they don't care, that they aren't supportive. That is so far from the truth. They are amazing people who I wouldn't trade the world for. They just don't know how I feel, and I probably will never tell them. I can't blame them for that. I guess I do feel competitive with their significant others about their attention in a way, but I'll have to find a way to get over that. If they were dating nice guys, it'd be different.
I do need to take time for myself. But I just can't in the winter. There's nowhere for me to go. I'm stuck inside because it's so cold. I cannot wait for summer.
Hifsa
Otaku Legend | Posted 03/03/14 | Reply
Ugh, I know what you mean! My own friends have been pushing me off, taking my advantage, while not respecting and listening to me. IT IS BETTER TO HANG OUT WITH FAMILY THAN PRICKS LIKE THESE! It really hurts when you do so much for others and they don't even look at you properly. I sympathize, my friend...
Kazamas-Keyblade
Otaku Legend | Posted 03/02/14 | Reply
There, there.
I understand how frustrating that can be. That type of rage is the worst; but it is healthy that you are verbalizing these anxieties so they don't just blow up and out.
Ahem, but at the same time here is my take on your plights.
Self-sufficiency. I often see myself in situations like that, where your friends don't even seem like your friends, more like people you have to compete with. And sometimes trying to have them around you only makes things worse. Especially if you're being another person's 3rd wheel or occasional ear and you don't feel on even grounds as friends.
Maybe this should be a sign that you should stop caring too much about other people and their problems. Especially if they don't seem to be caring about yours.
Or just take a break and find yourself again. Don't take it as nobody-will-miss-you-when-you're-gone, but as a do it for yourself scenario. Does that make sense??
And if all-else fails, your family, like you said, is always there.
DemonsandAngels
Beautiful Disaster (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 03/02/14 | Reply
@TyphlosionTrainer:
I hear what you're saying.
The situation is a little different as I'm not jealous of my friend's boyfriends. They aren't really making my friends better people. If they were, I'd freaking love the guys. That's why it's so hard. I can't say I hate a guy that isn't bettering you when they are so head over heels in love, so I get that aspect of what you're saying.
I will keep my tongue. I'll just deal with it. Like I always do.
As for the Joe thing. I know what I need to do there, but is so very very hard. I can't help the feeling that I'd be doing more harm than good by cutting him out of my life. I'll figure out what to do about him eventually.
TyphlosionTrainer
Otakuite++ | Posted 03/02/14 | Reply
I understand how you feel 100%. When my sister told me she'd be moving to Dallas, I had the sickest feeling in my stomach. I was so afraid we'd grow apart, and she'd rise on to bigger and better things, and I'd be left behind. My sister is the only one that loves me so completely and totally. She knows everything about me, and vice versa. The first week she was really and truly gone, was the worst week of my life. Not being able to wake up, and talk to her and joke with her - it was heartrendingly lonely. But, I can still keep up to date with her via Facebook and other sites. We occasionally skype. I was getting used to it. I still had times when I'd stop and feel very empty and lonely and sad, but it was better than before. It was easier. But then, my sister met William, her current boyfriend. I've never been on good terms with her boyfriends or girlfriends - even if they were people I'd previously been friends with. When you date my sister, it becomes much more personal. My sister hasn't had a very good track record, as many (if not all) of the people my sister has dated have broke her heart or used her for... their own "personal gain", if you catch my drift. I was, naturally, very skeptical of William right from the get-go. But, my sister - oh, she was - and is - head over heels madly in love with him. I was bitterly jealous of him. He got to spend all this time with her. He was returning that old glow to her, that I'd been trying to restore for many years. I was angry and jealous of him - he was doing things for her, I could never achieve. I hated him. I'd talked my sister through so many bouts of panic attacks, fits of sadness and depression, encouraged her and gave her all the love she needed, so she'd finally reach a point where she could honestly say she's happy - and he just waltzes in, sweeps her off her feet, and it's as if she were never sad to begin with. I hated him so very much. But, he made her smile, so I held my tongue. Recently, I had a talk (and actual face-to-face talk) about it. For her sake, I'm going to try to like him. He has his problems, just like everyone else, and I'm going to try to like him. I'll never be able to suppress how I feel, but I'll try to mask it, if only to see her smile again.
Sometimes, you must make sacrifices to keep those you love happy. It's not a noble thing - in fact, it's almost selfish. But, it's human. You are human. It's alright to feel fed up with being the support. If you have to cry, then cry. If you have to ignore people - do it. It's your life. Do what makes you happy. Talk things over with "A". I can't guarantee it'll help, but it's a start.
Also, of all the posts I've read about this Joe, I can offer only this: Cut him off. He's poison. It'll most certainly be hard, and it will most certainly hurt, but once you come out of that fog, everything will seem much, much more beautiful. If Joe isn't willing to make an effort, then you shouldn't either. Find someone you can love without having to explain yourself. Find someone who loves you without explanation.