Letter to myself from: The future
To:Me from the past.
You are 32 years old.
It is 2021.
The whole world is going through what we call COVID-19. A term which we use to refer to a virus called Corona.
This is a period of pandemic.
Can you believe it? Our generation is going through a pandemic.
We are imposed a curfew.
Bars and restaurants are closed.
The internet controls everything, watches everything.
People are quickly getting politicized in an age where we are still comfortable with propaganda. This makes it a dangerous period of history in an ideological sense.
The United States just finished going through what is surely their worst Presidency in history as Donald Trump sat in the oval office for a full term and was not re-elected for a second.
Cultural identities are getting diluted, Nations are dividing themselves and conflict is rampant everywhere.
Banjo and Kazooie are in Smash Bros.
So is Ryu, Ken, Megaman, Simon and Richter Belmont, Terry motherfucking Bogard, Erdrick from Dragon Warrior 3,fucking SEPHIROTH and even Cloud made it into the series. Smash is now a 100+ character series.
You are getting mad salty trying to play this game competitively.
You are a mechanic.
You love that career, but it takes a huge toll out of you.
You wouldn't do anything else though.
Yeah man, you wanted to be a comicbook/"manga" artist all the way back then.
Guess things really changed hard along the way.
A lot of things have happened since you first created this little space, right?
It all started on myotaku all the way back then.
You still remember.
You poured a lot of your grief in there.
A lot of your feelings.
Here, you learned to express yourself.
Here, you started working on your english.
Here, you fell in love for the first time.
Here, you posted many drawings.
You trully hoped that it would be your portfolio to glory.
Oh, how personally you would take it when people would rather favorite a fanart shipping Naruto with Sasuke for the 100000000th time when you were convinced that you worked oh so hard on your totally original fanart.
You still remember.
The effort you've put into that place.
The stupid, sexist, racist, bigoted, often confused ignorant shit you said in here.
The people you admired and respected.
The fellow artists you connected with.
The innocent people you blatantly offended because of your personal frustrations.
The people you loved.
The friends you've made here.
They were all genuine.
And you still remember.
You grew.
You're doing therapy now.
You're also pretty nostalgic, which is why I came to write this letter in the first place.
You're really doing your best.
And I still remember your grief.
The same one you poured in here so long ago.
You know, now you feel like a different part of me.
You're frozen in time and I am a man now.
You are who I left behind.
You are who I could not reconcile with.
You had it way too hard man.
And you poured that grief here because, here, you could express yourself.
Here, a few people listened.
Here, a few people cared.
I still remember.
Now I am a man and this place is what I left behind.
Yet, strangely, it lives.
As I left it behind so long ago, it still exists.
You still live through this place.
You still exist.
You are frozen in time.
That part of me I left behind.
You had it way too hard man.
And now, you know.
You fully understand it now.
You fully understand what you lacked.
You fully understand why you were so afraid.
So angry.
So sad.
I understand, now, that you are frozen in time.
And what you felt so long ago, it is still alive within me.
And so you have become a second part of me.
An unconditional child that I have to take care of.
Your anger is my anger.
Your fear is my fear.
Your pain is my pain.
Now I am the big brother.
The one who must step up to the plate when father would not.
I'm trying to take care of the both of us.
You are very demanding though.
And I'm sorry if, sometimes, it may be too much for me.
But I swear that I will always protect us.
Always.
Even if it's hard and I can't always be there for you.
Even when I leave you alone for a little moment.
I am watching your back.
Because I didn't leave you behind.
I still remember.
You still remember.
So please, dry your tears.
Life is more than this unfairness.
You had it way too hard,
but now you have a brother.
It may seem weird if you are reading this as someone who is not me.
In which case, thank you if you've even had the patience to read thid far into it.
This is where I left a lot of myself.
During a very difficult part of my life.
Many parts of which I have not even poured into this place.
But this used to be what I considered home.
And I am glad that a part of me still exists here.
Much of who we are comes from our ability to reconcile with ourselves from the past. Our failures come from our inability to do so.
-Samuel Cinq-Mars.
21th of April 2021.
