THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Hard Times

Well, things got difficult recently. Last night, my friendship with Tyler ended completely. It is all over, he will not come back for me when he is eighteen. And I feel numb of emotion. Last night, it seems, that my tears flowed with all the emotions I had ever felt for anything, or anyone.

I have been using google to learn french, also, and have been going OFF in French.

La vie m'a donné que la douleur, l'angoisse et la tristesse. J'ai des cicatrices qui ne guérissent jamais, et mon cœur a été brisé au-delà de la réparation. Mais à travers tout cela, je suis encore en vie, et j'ai l'intention de devenir plus fort. Je ne vais pas fixer dans ma tombe tout de suite. Non, difficultés de la vie ne m'ont pas encore gagnée. Et donc, dans cette voie affreuse, je continue, et la recherche de la lumière dans l'obscurité.

If anyone can read that, it's true. That's what I am doing. And it is how I am feeling right now.

En toute honnêteté, je me sens complètement vide maintenant. Complètement engourdi d'émotion pour quelque chose ou quelqu'un. Je ne peux pas ressentir aucune douleur, même si j'essaie. Elle est désespérée.

Mais, malheureusement, mais bon. Je ne peux rien y faire.

Well anyway. I just wanted to share that. Adieu à vous tous pour l'instant, je vous souhaite tout le meilleur. Beaucoup d'amour à vous tous.

~KHAOS

I lied.

You know what? I'm not happy in any way. I'm so sick of even trying anymore. I try and I try, I do my best for Tyler, and then...all of a sudden, he wants to go out with a girl he doesn't even know yet. Some fucking love he shows me. It's times like these that I get upset to the point of wanting to start that stupid shit I used to do. But I can't. Nobody will let me. And it will only prove that I am no better than all the other fools in the world. But I'm so sick of getting hurt. Even when we aren't dating, yet, we are engaged! I'm so sick of everything. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I honestly don't feel like there is a reason why I should keep putting up with all of this. I don't understand it. I don't know what I did wrong. I do know that I don't want to put up with it anymore, though. I JUST talked to him about all of this the other day...! Is he really so blind, so deaf, that he can't see or hear the pain inside me? I am THIS close to just telling him to call off our engagement, because he obviously doesn't want me. I don't know anymore. I can't even finish typing about this. I'm crying, so I'm just...
~Arianna

Stressed and Hurt?

I wasn't sure what to call this post. But. Yeah. I didn't want to talk about how my fiance had broken up with me with plans to come back and marry me when he is 18...cause he is moving...really soon. And I'm dating his BEST FRIEND now. I don't know why. Well, now, someone that I am really close to is dating Tyler. RIGHT in front of me. And it hurts. A lot. I couldn't stop crying in my third class hour. And she was trying to talk to me about everything to cheer me up. I appreciate that she is there for me...but I wanted to hit her and yell at her and tell her it was unfair. That if it bothered her that I was with Alec, that I would break up with him and let her have him. But I couldn't do it. I am so sick of everything right now. I just want to go crawl in a hole and die. I really do. Just because all of this really sucks. I know it is life, and it happens. And that it will get better. But it hasn't gotten better since I was 10. And I'm sick of it getting worse. I keep holding on, and for what? It doesn't do anything, so why do I keep holding on? Maybe it is because everyone keeps saying that I need to. They tell me to think of all the people who care about me. And I do. And then I worry. And chicken out. I feel so stupid. I really do. I wish that I could be stronger and not care so much about things like these. I hate myself for all of this. I'm sorry to everyone I've ever put all this crap on. I'm sorry to anyone I've ever hurt. I'm sorry everybody.
~Arianna