Writing introductions is a bit tedious so....just take a look at my first post if you want to know more....

....and if you get curious about the name of this World or my posts, check out the second one.

I Hate Lonliness, But It Loves Me

"I had that dream again where I was lost for good in outer space"

there are things I want, things I want to write, things I'm expecting to happen but don't. so I'm waiting. waiting to write about things I think will happen. because in my head they've already happened, I've already sorted them out and described them. categorized and titled them without ever considering things might turn out differently...

I gave away one of my pins today. not something I do often, though kids give me stuff all the time & I sometimes draw pictures for them. I guess you could say it was a favorite, it was Renji after all.....but yeah. I had to do it.

It seems I've fallen in love with another 10 year old. T*****-kun from K******* Elementary is just the kind of kid that will probably turn into something I hate when he gets older. (I had a little more hope for S******-kun from M*** Elementary who I wrote about a while ago, but he lives in a more rural area so that's to be expected.) T*****-kun's always noisy in class, sometimes to the point of yelling at his teacher to "shut-up!" He's smart, but too easily excited, too quickly bored, too worried he might not be smart after all and he can't let anyone find out. He hates all the girls, and most of the boys. Of course they all think he's really cool. He's not the kid a teacher should want in their class. But I like him anyway. He just wants someone to acknowledge him. And once you do he's really fun to talk to. I gave Renji to him since he'd given me some Bleach cards last week. I'd promised to bring him some of my doubles today but I forgot & felt bad so I let him pick one of the pins on a whim. He seemed pretty happy.

On the way home I saw T*****-kun heading to soccer practice. He had one of these cool looking popsicles (I just happen to have some in my frezzer, but mine are melon)

Anyway, he saw me walking to the bus stop and ran up with one half in each hand (that's the cool part, you can cut them in the middle, or on the end) and said, "You can have one!" with a huge smile. (Seriously, it was Yamamoto-worthy.) So I asked him what flavor it was and he said, "Apple!" (the only part of the conversation that was English and not Japanese) and beamed at me some more. So I took it and said thanks & it was delicious (it really was) and walked off to the bus stop.

...even so, when you don't expect things they happen. and the things you're expecting may never come. may be better off not coming. you should know by now not to wait with baited breath anyway because real gratitude, gratitude for your existence and not just the things you give to someone or do for them, it's easy to see, and far more delightful than hearing the "thank you" you waited all day for from someone who's proven time and time again he'll let you down exactly when you expect him not to.

"Tell me doctor how to shake, a waking nightmare that is only worse when I am sleeping."

"I feel alright, so please don't get me rescued."

July Rain, Interrupted

We've been having strange weather lately. One day it looks like this...

...and the next day it pours for hours. And we have a lot of days like today, where the weather can't seem to make up it's mind.

A while ago, I wrote about going to Nakada Elementary School. Interestingly, their English classes (as well as other odd things they don't study regularly) are classified on the daily schedule as something called "Nakada no mori" or, "The forest of Nakada". They take good care of their trees.

July 7, 2009: Sixth visit
- I taught 5th grade like I expected. It was the same lesson plan from the 6th grade classes last time so low stress, which is a good way to start the week. The original harried looking young teacher from my swimming adventure over a year ago is now one of their teachers. She seemed happy to see me, but......maybe not so much. After lunch I went to visit my 4th graders again. The novelty of me is wearing off. I'm glad. They see me and say hi, not "Oh!" with huge eyes like......well, like I've got an extra head or two. I met my little boyfriend in the hall and after saying hi he asked, "Can we go home together today?" and I said of course & I'd wait for him in the usual meeting room next to the principal's office where they stick me with a pot of green tea every time I'm there.

- All day the sky was blue, then gray, then blue, then cloudy. Over and over. It rained a few times. Short bursting downpours that were over in less than 5 minutes. When school was over and we were walking out it seemed like it was going to happen again but the skies couldn't make up their mind. It turned out last time my little boyfriend's mom was embarrassed because we didn't talk about anything serious. She told him to ask me some important stuff about my life in the US & take notes! So as we walked home in the almost rain he did exactly that. Cuuuute!! Writing on a half sheet of paper while carrying ridiculous amounts of stuff as I walked my bike next to him & tried to explain about my old job, why I don't miss my family, etc.

- When we got to his house he asked if I wanted to come in. I said, sure, why not so he went in & got his mom who seemed more worried that the house was dirty than about anything else. But it started to rain again, fast and forceful so the decision was made & in we went. There were toys everywhere. The little brother is obsessed with cars and trucks. He's got hundreds of matchbox cars. Literally, hundreds. They were all in a pile on the floor next to bigger plastic ones and some little garage like play-sets, all on top of a blanket with, you guessed it, car patterns all over it. We started talking & at first the mother said the same thing about being embarrassed, but I decided to keep things the way I wanted them to be. I told her it was no big deal, that in fact, I was happy because usually people are really surprised when they talk to me, but she talked to me about normal human stuff like the grocery store. I stayed for about an hour and she told me about her husband and the Chinese people he works with. I told her about my old job & how it helped me figure out the one I have now. The little brother beat up the big one. A lot. Pinched him, jumped on him, slapped at him, scratched him. Kinda like Tim used to do to me. The rain started and stopped at least 9 times.

- When I was leaving she asked me to explain where I live again. She said she doesn't get out much b/c of taking care of the little one. They just walk around what's really, really close by. She knew the street once I described it though. The older brother (my boyfriend) wanted to walk me all the way home, but she managed to dissuade him. Good thing too since I had laundry hanging up.......maybe next time. I won't go back to Nakada for about 3 months unfortunately. So I told the boys maybe we could go to the park or something together before then. And the little one said, "OK! See you!" and the older one said, "I'm glad we could become like regular friends."

So much better than the random girl I met at the movies who wants me to come to her house and talk about Evangelion. Or the guy I met on the train who wants my email so he can text me about design conventions. Or the lady who used to work at the punk rock clothing shop who wants to go drinking and talk English.

Who knew I'd fall in love with normal.

Princess and Dragon

WARNING:spoilers!!!!!

Today I saw this movie in the theater. And guess what? IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!

Haaaa......as if we didn't expect that, right? I've been waiting for this movie since the first one was out two years ago. Sure, the first one was cool, it even made me like Shinji & Rei a bit more than I did in the original TV show. But this time.......

....that's right, my favorite character. ASUKA!!!!! Ah.......she was awesome. A little different from the original series, but I still liked her. I talked to my friend at the model shop afterward & he said, "What do you think about her character changing? It seems like she's becoming more like a good kid." And I said, "Yeah, but I still like her." And he said, "Because you're the same?" (he knows all about it) & I said, "Yep, so I understand that probably, Asuka wanted to be good all along." She said some really great things just before her last scene in the movie about thinking it was better to live alone & be strong alone & how she'd started to think that maybe being with other people was fun. And then she got in Unit 03 (yes, Asuka, not Toji) to test it and just before the craziness took over she said, "I'm smiling......huh.....smiling......." And in the preview for the 3rd movie she had an eyepatch! I sooo want to cosplay her even more now. Oh, and she had a different plugsuit for test piloting & it was waaay cute!

And then there was this girl. Mari. I was mad about her being in the movie before I saw it b/c, fundamentally, this is supposed to be Asuka's movie. However, she totally won me over. I loved her Unit 05 even if it was only around a short time, & the other plugsuit (pink!) that she wore when she "borrowed" Unit 02 was cool too. It kinda reminded me of Anemone's from Eureka 7. I liked her b/c her personality was similar to Asuka's but she seemed a little more adult. Also, she did some crazy cool thing that I don't think anyone watching understood, but it involved glowing circles on her hands & chest (on her plugsuit) and made glowing cylinders come out of Unit 02's back so it could become more powerful for a short time. Her eyes glowed & her teeth got all pointy looking like an animal too!

I'm not entirely sure, but I think Mari is supposed to be American. Most of the scenes involving her & not the other main characters were all in English w/Japanese subtitles which was cool for me. Apparently the subtitles were too fast though b/c I was talking to this lady who sat near me (& cried through almost the entire movie!) afterwards & she said she was jealous that I could understand those parts. Kaworu wasn't in the movie as much as I would have liked, but I know they're just teasing people with him right now anyway. It was enough to work on me, that's for sure! He did come down in his Eva at the very end (from the moon!) and attack.....or something? It looks like there's a lot of him in the next movie, and Mari & Asuka too. Of course, it's evident that Shinji & Rei are really meant to be the main characters now, but I like what they're doing with both of them this time around so maybe it's ok. We'll see.

You can (not) advance.

Saigo no Natsu Yasumi (The Last Summer Vacation)

(I swear if theO doesn't start letting my type in actual Japanese soon....)

It's the end of June, making it officially summer at last. While all my friends' MySpace & Facebook posts are about vacations and beach trips, for us here in Japan it's not quite time for holidays yet. Some Japanese people will even argue with you that it's not summer (despite the whole seasonal changes becoming official on the solstice or equinox thing....) since it's still the rainy season. I guess I can't fault them. In my Florida brain it's been summer since the middle of May. All my life as soon as my birthday was over, it was summer. So maybe that's why even now, as I'm dutifully teaching children day after day in the humidity that's so much like home, it still feels like it's time to have fun.

(Pin's school festival)

I noticed this happening last year too, not just to me but other Americans I know here. We just can't forget that ingrained feeling of "summer". Even if we're working adults in a country whose 'summer holiday' is only in August. And only for school kids & those of us lucky enough to work with them. Summer means fireworks are soon to come (after the rains pass) and festivals and snow cones and sitting around outside in the afternoon.....evening......into the night.....just because we can. Because it's not cold.

Of course, this isn't my last summer in Japan. It's just my last summer with my first, and best friend here. In just a little over a month Stacey will go back to the states for grad school. I keep telling myself it's really going to happen, but I can't really seem to picture her not being here. I've been imagining it, sure, been thinking of writing this post for months, knowing I'd have to. I can see myself taking her to the train station to say goodbye, but only because we did it for Lauren last year. In my head I can see the platform, Stacey on the train, the train leaving..........and then I turn into one of those anime girls who collapses straight downward with her knees turned out in a 'V' shape and can't talk or cry or even look away from the empty track.

My little dramatic fantasy.

But in reality......I don't know what will happen. I don't even know what I want to happen.

Back to the Innocence

Do you know what it looks like when trees grow?

Have you ever seen it happen?

It's something like this:

June 2008: First visit to Nakada elementary
- It's the closest school to my house, but in nearly a year of living in Japan I hadn't been there yet. I taught 3rd grade. There were only 3 classes so I was done by lunch time. The kids I was eating with asked me what I was doing during 5th period & I said, "I dunno, what are you doing?" and they said, "We're going swimming!" and for whatever reason.....I said, "That sounds fun! I wanna go swimming too!" and they of course said, "Yeah!! Come with us!!" and pulled at my arms and legs and begged their teacher who thought they were coercing me against my will. When I finally convinced her I wanted to swim she looked even more harried. I didn't really care though & so we asked the vice principal & of course he looked at me like I had three heads (no, not two, all foreigners are looked at like they have two heads anyway...) but agreed to let me run home for my bathing suit. And so I became famous for swimming fast. I can, but to be fair, fast is a relative term when you're swimming with 8 year olds.

- After school I wasn't sure if I could leave early or not, since things were still in that delicate, "Do they know we don't follow any rules at all?" phase so I played outside with some of the kids. Well, more like I stood around talking to two boys who weren't the athletic type. It came out that I live near the school and one of them said he went home the same way. I figured I could use him as an excuse so when he said he was going I went inside & told the vice principal thank you very much and this kid wants me to walk home with him so can I go now? And he gave me that, "crazy foreigners with three heads" look again & said yes. On the way home the kid asked for my signature. They all do, I'm used to it. I didn't remember his name, but I'm used to that too.

September 2008: Second and Third visits
- I taught 2nd and 6th grades, respectively. In 2nd there was a kid who was born in New Jersey. Both his parents are Japanese citizens and were only there for a few years b/c of his dad's company. He told me he loved me after 10 minutes of class. Somebody needed to give that kid some attention. His teacher was trying, but the poor guy had at least 3 emotionally troubled kids (I mean the screaming, yelling, running out of the classroom and hitting people type) in the class too so he had a few things on his mind. On top of which, he turned out to be the (un)lucky teacher in charge of the English program for the school that year. He was nice though & we talked a lot about what I did at other schools and how I sometimes had days when no school needed me & I had to sit around the Board of Education doing nothing. He said it'd be nice for New Jersey kid to get a little more English (and the other kids too) so maybe he'd see about calling up to borrow me for one of those days.

- I have no memory of teaching the 6th graders, but that's normal. I'm not that fond of kids that age so they don't stick with me unless they're otaku. Both days that month I decided to drop in on the 3rd graders after lunch since I'd had such fun swimming with them. Unlike kids at schools across town who are surprised to hear I live in Japan, & have a hard time believing it since they have no concept of where the place I live is I'm like a real person to these kids. They know where I went that time when I ran home for my bathing suit. They'd seen me leave in the afternoon with the kid who wanted my signature. He asked for it again on my second visit. We walked home together my second day too & I made a point to remember what the other kids were calling him before hand. I noticed that time that he was about the politest 3rd grader I've ever met. He seemed really mature for his age. Like a little.........what I didn't know, but he didn't jabber on and on about his own stuff like most kids do. He asked me the kinds of questions Japanese adults do about the US.

- I couldn't walk home with my little boyfriend the third visit because I was sick. I left right after lunch, but I went & visited his class to let him know. And I made a point to look at what his actual name was on the front of his desk.

November 2008: Fourth (unexpected) visit

- True to his word the 2nd grade teacher called up the office and asked if they could have me for one of my free days. I couldn't have been happier. We studied numbers. It was raining that day so we played inside at recess. Some of the class leaders were trying to organize something like "Duck, Duck, Goose" but nobody would sit down b/c they all just wanted to climb on me.

- I walked home with my 3rd grade boyfriend and a girl I couldn't remember seeing before. She was a little more like a normal kid. Chattery. After her turnoff he asked me if I missed my family. I said no. Because it's true. But he didn't seem that shocked. He asked about the different people in my family & said he had a brother that was a lot younger than him the same as I do. When we got to his apartment he asked me to sign the back of his notebook again (in pink highlighter always) and write the dates next to the different ones that were already there. I told him I might not see him for a while since I had to go back to teaching jr high starting in January.

June 19, 2009: Fifth visit

- I taught 6th grade. It's a new school year so they're the 5th graders from the last time I was there, not the 6th graders I didn't care about. Good thing too, there's a ton of otaku kids in this year. Somehow I agreed to draw Dracule Mihawk for one of them, and Tsuna for another. I'd been looking forward to this visit for weeks, not because of the classes I'd teach, but because I could see my, now 4th grade, boyfriend. Before lunch I asked the kids who were walking me back to the reception room where the 4th grade classrooms were. They took me over and all the kids started jumping around and screaming, "Katy-sensei!" (Yeah, I like it......) Their poor teacher. I'm sure she remembers me a bit differently than they do. But they remember me pretty well. One girl even asked me if I'd dyed my hair. Which, of course, I had. I told them all they were getting taller, which, of course, they liked to hear. I asked my little boyfriend if it was still alright to call him by his nickname. Boys in the 4th grade change a bit sometimes. But before he could answer, all the girls said, "No, no. He'll always be ****chan!"

- Starting in 4th grade kids can join a once a month club at school. Yesterday was the first official meeting of Nakada's clubs. I could've gone home, but I walked around and visited a few. Cooking, drawing, softball, comedy, sewing, music. Of course he's in music. He loves it. I went there last so we could go home together. As I was packing up he asked me what I do on my days off. So I answered with the standard, "Draw.....read......go out with my friends.......um...what about you?" and he said he goes to music school on Saturdays & hangs out with his family Sundays. So cute. Then I remembered the little brother he'd mentioned before so I asked how old he was. He's 3. Turns out we have the same birthday.

- I told the vice principal I was going home. No more, "Um....can I do this? Is it ok?" I just go with my little boyfriend. They all know that's how it works. We walked home talking about the weather, the time, differences between the US and Japan. The usual adult stuff. When we got to his apartment he said, "Um, do you have a few minutes?" and I said, "Sure, I don't have anything important to do." I didn't. It was 4pm on a Friday. What working adult is lucky enough to be going home at that time? He said his little brother might be up from his nap & he wanted to bring him out to meet me. Turned out it wasn't just his brother, but his mother too. She said he talks about me all the time. I should've guessed. He's that kind of kid. He loves his family so he talks about them. And he talks to them. And it was obvious he was her son when I met her. She was so kind, so calm, so normal in a comforting way. Not bland, but homey. She said she didn't really know any foreigners, but not in the, "Do you all really have two heads??" kind of way. Her face was more like, "You seem just like a regular person. I figured you would be." We talked about the kids, she worries that the older brother can't play sports. All he cares about is piano. She worries that the younger one loves running and doesn't speak clearly at all even though he's 3. She asked me where I shop and if I cook for myself. But when I said I did she didn't seem too surprised. It's what adults do. They have to eat so they have to cook. Normal.

July 2009: Sixth visit

- I don't know what grade I'm teaching. Most likely it'll be 5th. But it's ok, the 4th graders are right down the hall.