I've learned something about myself since being in Japan; I am not a good leader. My mother always told me I was a leader & not a follower, & I suppose she's half right. But just not following doesn't mean you have any clue how to lead. Not that that's such a bad thing. There's more than 2 things to do in life.
I wasn't looking forward to today at all. Well, really I wasn't looking forward to this week at all. It's 5 days straight of jr. high with no elementary or testing days to ease the sick-fluttery-I-don't-belong-here feeling in my stomach. I think it might be the only one like that this month at least...
Today being Tuesday though, I was dreading it even more than the other days. I've hated Tuesday since I was a kid (bad dance school memories...) so I figured I might as well stay up late and read as much as I wanted last night. At least I'd have an excuse for being in a bad mood, right?
As I slowly grew into consciousness on the bus I remembered that one of my English teachers had gone to the doctor with a bad fever at lunch time on Monday. I tried not to let myself imagine the pleasure of teaching 1st period by myself. She's a tough lady, she wouldn't let a little fever keep her from returning the kids' tests. I told myself not to get excited, that I'd just be let down....
Then I got to school. Four teachers absent, including fever-lady.
Nothing could have woken me up better, or faster. Another English teacher came along and sat in the room 1st period (just in case) while the kids & I celebrated by playing games. She's got a cold too. She didn't need to hang around. Of course I shouldn't complain.......so on the way downstairs I offered to handle the rest of fever-lady's classes for the day. Unfortunately she only had 1 more, but add that & prep for it to my already scheduled 2 & suddenly my day was completely full.
I only thought of Bella & Edward twice. Once after lunch while waiting for the next class to start, & again after the last class was over. It was easy even then to put them out of my mind though, thankfully. I remember thinking at one point, "I think I'm having a really good day here...." & I knew it was because I had something to do, not just something to occupy my time. It's not often that I really feel useful in a jr. high school.
When I say I'm not a good leader, maybe it's better to say I'm not a good creator......meh.......that may not be the right word either (I need more words.......) I can't make something out of nothing very well. Or rather, I'm not particularly motivated to try. I'm much better at restructuring, patching & morphing things that already exist. Give me a bunch of stuff & I'll put it in the most effective order. Give me problem with certain conditions & I'll meet them for you. Give me a void & I can fill it. Especially if you give it to me on short notice.
