Seems like a promising story, however your writing needs some work. Some usage of words like I are rather redundant. Put some flavor in your sentences, join sentences with conjunction words. Also, don't start off every sentence with I.
Another issue I think you'll need to work on is not staying with one tense. Just pick one and stick with it. You keep going back and forth from past to present tense.
For the first issue here is an example:
'"Sure," I replied. Getting up, I walked over to the closet and pulled his 'pants' hanger off the bar. Rumaging through, I found the envelope. It was kind of heavy. I brought the envelope over and as I was about to hand it over, he said: .........'
Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat.
Japan
Bagel Gurl | Posted 07/06/09 | Reply
Seems like a promising story, however your writing needs some work. Some usage of words like I are rather redundant. Put some flavor in your sentences, join sentences with conjunction words. Also, don't start off every sentence with I.
Another issue I think you'll need to work on is not staying with one tense. Just pick one and stick with it. You keep going back and forth from past to present tense.
For the first issue here is an example:
'"Sure," I replied. Getting up, I walked over to the closet and pulled his 'pants' hanger off the bar. Rumaging through, I found the envelope. It was kind of heavy. I brought the envelope over and as I was about to hand it over, he said: .........'
Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be beat.