The Scientific Method is a pretty helpful friend.

Inspiration? Ha ha hahahahaha I guess you could say so, in a weird way. Apparently one of my friends here can play the piano, and has only been playing for a year, and he plays beautiful music without even being able to read or really recognize notes! I feel like I could go in depth with this song, with this entire situation and how I've always wanted to just go with what 'sounds right' but it still takes some time to do so, oddly enough. I have no idea what's going on right now, but I'm going with it. Being here has made me realize that I have to apply more effort in doing things, even the simple things, such as getting out of bed, because I have no one to really nag at me or push me to go on, except for myself and my how willing I am. It also gives me some leeway though, because even though I push myself so hard, I still realize that ultimately I have to do my best, even though that necessarily doesn't mean being the best. But it's okay, it's a life lesson, isn't it? :)
You know what? I'm going back and working on all my songs that I left unfinished, and then maybe one day I can play them completely. I'll be able to string all my thoughts and feelings together and complete this song and finally achieve that sense of understanding. I'm getting there, it's a process. I'd love to ramble on and on, but I think I'll leave it here. I do want to say that I don't have to worry about some "Muse" coming back to me in order for me to reproduce something, because even those help, I don't find those things through just one thing or person, I see it through a lot of different things and people, which is good. I've had a bit of self discovery, and that's always good I suppose. I find that as time goes on, I'm becoming more open bit by bit. I still keep things to myself, because personally I think not everyone needs to know every single detail about you. I think these psych courses are getting to me, but it's all good. I always find reasons to keep fighting, to keep smiling, and I always want to be looking for all those different reasons. :D

"Guess why I smile a lot? Uhhh because it's worth it." -Marcel the Shell 2 :)

Sounds of Reminiscence

Why yes, perhaps my love has come back to me. I can feel again. :) Music has returned to me, and I'm still trying, and I'm working on pushing harder than ever before, because I know everything I'm going through is only scratching the surface of what I will eventually be up against. Even so, I'm still glad that I know that I'm not the only one fighting, and I'm going to keep fighting. I'm getting there, I know, and God answers my questions in the funniest ways, which I really do enjoy. I'm glad He has a sense of humor, because I love having all the different opportunities for laughter. Yes, love is so silly, and those two are so cute. ^_^
Being back home seemed like a dream, it felt so unreal and I think I spaced out a great majority of the time I wasn't in the house. Anyways, I'm living, I'm still alive.
"I am not yours, not lost in you, although I long to be."
Wow, does that bring back a lot of memories or what? I guess I've reached that point that when I finally look back at it, I can simply smile. So much for all those thoughts that ran through my head. It's been fun and so surreal, such great memories. :)

"Keeping Me Alive"

It's like I never lived before my life with you
So much was missing here I never even knew
I still picture the place we were
When I fell into your world
My heart is in you
Where you go you carry me
I bleed if you bleed
Your heart beats inside of me
You're keeping me alive
I don't know why feel this way
But something's right
You're like the morning air before the light arrives
No more lonely and no more night
No more secrets to hide
My heart is in you
Where you go you carry me
I bleed if you bleed
Your heart beats inside of me
You're keeping me alive
I'll hold you near
Together, we'll never die
Your love is keeping me alive
My heart is in you
Where you go you carry me
I bleed if you bleed
Your heart beats inside of me
You're keeping me alive

I love how God still finds ways to keep music into my soul. This is a comeback song for me. I can't even remember when was the last time I listened to it, it was probably either middle school or ninth grade. I'm glad that I was able to find it again, because it's true. He does keep me alive, and it's wonderful. :) I'm so thankful for everything, even my suffering, because in the end, I know it's all worth it. Sure, it may be hard, and the only thing you probably want to do is curl up and die, but you can't do that. You have to get back up again, and realize the truth, and begin to follow it.

I know, that people go through life trying to fill this void in their lives. They try to fill it up with boyfriends/girlfriends, drugs, money, alcohol, sex, terrible addictions, hurting other people, whatever else. However, in the end, those things come to an end, and that void is never truly filled. In fact, after that, they probably get really mad and even more frustrated when they know that all of their attempts have failed. I pray that someday these people will come to realize that the reason as to why their attempts fail, is because they're looking in the wrong places. That void, can only be filled up by God. It's 100% true. If you don't believe me, and/or you don't believe in God, then I'd like to ask you to do this:
Just talk to Him. Let Him know what you think (of your situation, of the world, of Him). Then, ask Him if He's real, and if He is, ask Him to reveal Himself to you in some way. You can do all of this in your own words, do it in a way that you'd normally do when talking to a person. Be sure to keep your eyes open. :)

"You're my song that never ends, don't ever end."

Well, it's okay. I think I need to go back into my journaling again. :) I haven't been applying my creativity that much, well, in the introspective sense. So, I'm going to try my best to work on that. Well, I've gotten back into one of the bands I absolutely love. It's been awhile since I've listened to them. In fact, the last time I really even paid attention to them was probably a year or so ago. They're the ones who's music speaks to me. The way their lyrics are laid out depicts exactly how I feel and how I've felt, which is amazing that such a band existed at a time. Talk about something that's tapped into my frequency.

"Because my dear you're too good to be
I can't find better reasons for losing sleep
just save me a place between your sheets
and I'll let you make a mess out of me."

"If I could make a promise to give you your last first kiss
would you swear to keep my smile hanging from your lips?
Because I'm still falling for your memory
still falling into the eyes
of the picture that I keep of you
it's keeping me alive.
I've been hiding in the real world
losing who I am
and I'm still having trouble dreaming dreams you'll never understand."

Well, that's all fun. It's raining today, it's been raining all day. I love walking outside around this time of weather (hehe) Life just keeps going, and I'm so thankful for God.
I know that the road is tough, I've had 18 years of it already, and I know that it's only beginning, but knowing that I'm not going it all alone, helps a lot. In addition to this, once you get through it, and you finally realize what you've done, the fact that you were able to overcome it, what can you do but feel thankful? Take baby steps, but also, don't be afraid to take the big steps either. Also, you can help the people who are going through something similar to what you just went through as well, and from that comes a satisfaction of being able to give. Your suffering is never in vain, offer it up to the Lord and for the dear poor souls in Purgatory, especially the forgotten ones. There's always something good that comes out of suffering, sometimes it just takes awhile to find. :)

The short rambling that melts me away.

It's such a beautiful thing, and yet so bittersweet. I'm so thankful for everyday I have, and I'm so glad that God has allowed me to meet and become good friends with such good people. I'm always going to try to see the best in people, and if they have to see me cry because of it, so be it. Maybe that's why I love psychology so much, because it's not only the art of science, but also the study of human behavior. It's so fascinating observing the wonderful creatures that God created. After looking at how organized and planned and how we function and how our bodies work, how in the world do Atheists still exist?
Also, a friend of mine is beginning to pick up on my observations, and I think he's beginning to study me study people.....which is kinda fun really. ^_^ He's so nice, and I feel like I can relate to him because of how he's felt, and because of what he's been through, but I need not get into that. It's a secret, so no one but God and I need to know that. :)
Don't worry, I'm working on being very careful. It's so funny, I find myself putting on my type B personality a lot as life progresses. It's fun, and my family is the best ever. I'm so glad I can talk to them and they can make me feel so much better in the midst of a meltdown, and that whenever I need someone to talk to, they're there for me. As for crying, I save that part when I'm with Jesus or when I'm in the shower. We all learn through classical conditioning, we all learn in general. I better get going now so I can study for a midterm tomorrow. So much information! :)
Time to get this stuff into my long-term memory haha :)