- Created By stars go bye
The quest for good qualities
Why is it that some people fail to find the good qualities in other people? Isn't there at least a little good in everyone? Or is that truly a naive thought? I was chatting with a friend not too long ago, and he told me how much he didn't like another one of my friends. I said it was strange, that I've never seen them like that before, and it was as though we were looking at two different people. I said it must depend on how you look at it. But he replied, "how could I see anything different if that's all they ever show me?" Pondering on this question, I thought, "Are you sure that's all they ever show you? Or are you only paying attention to that part of them?"
Someone else told me that the reason why people fail to find the good qualities in others is because they refuse to admit to the lack of good qualities in themselves. But to me, they don't lack good qualities, they may just not be aware that they have them. There are people out there who look at other people, and point out what's good and what's bad about them, then they look at themselves and think "Oh, I'm not special at all." When in reality they are amazing people. Is it truly because they refuse to admit to what they think is their lack of good qualities, or is it because they see qualities in other people that they would like to have in themselves?
People are like a prism. They have different sides, and the way the light bounces, or the way you see it, gives you an impression on how it's like. True, it's always different to every person. There's always different sides to a spectrum. There may even be some aspects of it that you may not like. The important thing is, you see the beauty of the prism. You capture more of what you like or enjoy about it, instead of what you dislike about it.
More than a thank you
Have you ever met someone and after only a little while, they've become such a close part of you?
I wanted to tell this person, just to let them know, somehow. Amazing how the smallest thing a person can do, can have the greatest effect on you. A friendly gesture, a warm comforting hug, an envelope of good wishes. You helped me to believe. I wish I could've written all the things that you have done for me in such a small period of time. I wish we had more time, I wish I could've gotten to know you more. I wanted to tell you all these things, to write and acknowledge you, to let you know how much you mean to me. I couldn't say much when we embraced...but I didn't want to let you go. All I could muster up at the time was a thank you, but what I meant, was so much more than that.
All these things keep running in my mind, what I wanted to say, what I should've done. Either way though, I'm still glad it turned out this way, because either way, I still met you. I'm so glad to have known you, if only for a short while. It was fun while it lasted. I hope we get to meet again someday, that, would make me very happy. 
Am I so insignificant?
Why doesn't anyone ever listen to what I have to say? Is my caring and suffering because of that all in vain in the end? What about me? I care, I worry about you too. Why can't anyone ever see that?! Am I...a fool? A fool for being such an insignificant being in your life who cares and loves you? You, all of you, how can you not realize that all this time I've been right there, next to you. Right here this whole time! How could you not see me? Don't I ever enter your mind? Or do you see me as a mere way of venting. Do you only consult me with my business of saving lives??? Is it even worth fighting for? Imagine, giving the gift of love only to have someone completely oblivious to it, just like how Frieya must've felt, towards Loki (from Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok). I mean really, I know how she feels, truly I do. It is, a painful sorrow, a terrible ache to find that the one, the people who you care about don't even think you care, or fail to notice your presence, even when you've tried so hard to show it. And just like that, the pain, it turns into a combination of tears of frustration and anger. I tell them, I encourage, and I become disregarded completely. In the end, do I really come unaccounted for, despite my efforts?
the unspoken problem
Have you ever been so ridiculously stuck on a person? To have such a strong likeness towards them that the one moment that they're with you, keeps replaying in your mind forever and ever afterwards? I've had...this problem...ever since 9th grade, and it's been the same all the time. Yes, if you must know, it's the same person who visits me in my dreams, but who I know is all wrong for me. In fact, he's been in a lot of my dreams lately, showing up randomly at times, but I always remember that he's there. I mean, I don't even know why he's stuck in my heart, he just...is. I have so many voices in my head and along with those voices, thoughts, memories that are both beautiful and disastrous of us. All I can do is what I can at the moment, which is to just be there. But, all this turmoil going inside confuses the living daylights outta me! Maybe I should just not think. Maybe, I need to step back, and watch what happens, being careful not to analyze things, so much...? I'm taught to guard my heart, but at the same time, I'm told to love with all my heart. So how am I to guard myself, when I genuinely love, or vice versa? Hahaha I sound so pathetic right about now I'm pretty sure. But, what is it I should do?
Mom saw me cry
STUPID STUPID STUPID!!! I messed up big time...I can't believe that I messed up this bad, I always did pretty good in the drivers education car...if anyone wants to know what I did, for what it's worth (if any) I turned partly on the sidewalk going to the library and the tire got flat. My dad and older brother came, and they've been trying to fix it, but for some reason the tire can't come out...
I don't know, I guess this is just one of those things that has to be done as a reminder that I'm not perfect and I severely mess up(even though after every day I am fully aware of this). I'm pretty sure my dad hates me, if not that, strong negative feelings of dislike. On Mother's Day of all things, and now since my parents know the people in the whole world(or atleast this side), on top of this will be a thick layer of humiliation that will end up following me, hiding in my subconsciuosness. Indeed, mom says not to wear my heart on my sleeve, but you see, I usually don't. Today, mom saw me cry.
I think its way worse then I feared now, I'm still stuck at the library, and its closed(so I can't find any consolation there). I wish I could speak to someone, but whenever I fall he's not neccessarily there all the time, but all I have to do is just let him know, and most of the time he'll do his best to be there, I hope...I feel sick...I'm so stupid...I just ruined mother's day. I think once I get home, I'm going to my room, and lying down...
