The great pretender.

Ok, I totally have writer's block...well, to a certain point. It's been ever since last night. I have this essay that I need to write for college, however, the topic is something that I really need to have "marinated in my mind" for awhile. Now it's today, and I've come up with close to nothing hehe :S So, I've decided to post on here for a little bit. Maybe I'll come up with something that will trigger some sort of writing inspiration and I'll be able to continue onward. Who knows?
Well, recently I've come to the conclusion that I'm the type of person who keeps his/her distance from people. It may not seem that way, but it's the truth. I discovered it after doing a bit of self-analyzing. It's just that I disguise it so well that sometimes I end up fooling myself. It's like telling a lie, and then you get so good at telling that lie over and over that you start to convince yourself that it really happened and you accept it as the truth...that is to say, until something comes along and triggers your true memories. Hmm...it's just like when you were little and you pretended to play house or something like that. I just remembered that I had come to this exact conclusion to myself a year or something ago. It's the title. I wrote a song with the exact same title. Huh, I wonder what it was this time that triggered the truth, wait, I think I know.
Well anyway, I found my diary after all. All that slight panic was really unnecessary since I found it in the trench that lies between my bed and bookshelf. Really, that area of my room is bottomless.
My uncle had sent me a video and I just saw it the other day. Honestly, it moved me so much and made me remember a lot of things that I tend to forget at times. Because of this, I need to always remember those special words. I was even inspired to pull out my Bible and started reading it again. I've been foolish. I've forgotten who it was that was truly in charge of my life. Well, in a way. You know how you say things and behind them it seems as if there's really no meaning because you haven't thought through to what those words really mean? Well, that's what it was like for me. I need to remember, I must. I have been wandering around so much, just trying to take in all of my surroundings, that I didn't realize that I was already lost. I guess by sending that video, my uncle didn't realize that GOD must've been using him to send me a life-line.
Usually, when I picture myself lost, I see myself drowning in the ocean, in the middle of a violent storm. This time though, it's different. I'm in the woods, and it smells like it's the end of spring going into summer. It's dark in some areas, but if I know where to look, there are specks of light from where the sun shines down and is able to escape though the canopy. It's quiet, but I can hear the distant sounds of animals. When you're out exploring, and then suddenly realize you're lost, you get this horrible feeling that you're completely alone and you don't know what to do. That feeling of complete separation, from your loved ones, from the world, from everything. Everything around that is beauty becomes the same and you feel as though you can't trust it. You begin to doubt yourself and fear that you may be going in circles and making no progress at all. Then, when you start to think that all hope is lost, someone is there, holding their hand out, reaching for yours.