Why yes, I have clean sleeves.

Bleh. Today has been fantastic, for the most part. It's been pretty mushy and stuff since there was that whole wedding thing, which I honestly didn't mind at all. In fact, I really did enjoy it. On the other hand, well basically, it's always those underlying factors.
Okay, you can leave now. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I understand that, but still; that doesn't give you the right to shoot down anything that I say that's my opinion and compare me to someone and claim that I am 'utterly ridiculous'. Can I say something? Could you at least give me permission to do that? I'm so glad you don't know this exists, it's one of my small things of freedom. You're really good at saying "no". In fact, you do it all the time. No more piano lessons. No more voice lessons. No career in anything other then what you want. No going to Tsubasacon this year. Honestly, you're fantastic at taking the things that are important to me. It's bad enough that I have to learn how to cope with going to a completely new school far away from home and start over. The friends I have here, there are some that I've known for the majority of my life. I don't know about you, but these people are really important to me as well...and here, you complain and what not if I just hang out with them for a couple of hours. What did I do that was so wrong? Why do let everyone else roam free and have me tied to a leash? Do you enjoy smothering me? Why is it that he can come and go as he pleases? Why is it that you don't care if he comes to dinner on time or, even at all?
Friends are amazing. I can be myself around them, and the real ones stick around. It's a lot harder with family, especially when you have to play the puppet. The second mom. The mediator. The headstrong person who tells everyone else that it's all right and the one who never cries unless it's during a sad movie. The one who had to learn how to grow up fast. The one who everyone's hopes are put into. The one who's supposed to be successful in everything and learn to never mess up, in anything. The one who everyone keeps tabs on, well, everyone in the Asian community, that is. The one who's never allowed to complain, and no matter what happens still gets stuck doing all the chores at home. I'm tired. I'm really tired, and sometimes I can't believe that one of the reasons why I'm worried about leaving for college is that my little sister will have to carry on the burdens that I bear, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, especially not her. She has her own things to deal with and try to avoid as well. If I could take someone with me to college who was no where near age appropriate level, I would most definitely take her.
I'm sorry. I apologize for being such a terrible person, but I heard that keeping everything bottled up inside isn't healthy for you. In all honestly, I partially believe that that's just something people say in order to clench their curiosity of what's on your mind. Yes, I keep things hidden from people, it doesn't make sense to wear things on your sleeve and cause blah-ness for the whole world to see, especially if that sleeve is wet from crying or bloody from cutting your heart open or whatever else it is. The world I'm forced to live in feasts on that kind of drama, and I'm not the type of person who gives something I dislike the majority of the time that kind of satisfaction. Yes, I hold back stuff, but I find different means of channeling that energy that's kept inside. This is why people have come to invent art, music, dancing, writing, or even blogging on an otaku site that only a handful of people know about. In my opinion, I think it's better, and it's a way to let myself know that I'm still human, and not some 'robot' or 'perfect child' or 'angel' or whatever else people have called me. However, it was quite flattering whenever the guys would say that I was so perfect or that they thought I really was an angel. Then again, I'm a romantic, so on occasion, I fall for that mushy crap. But, I'm a big fan of creativity, cute sweetness, and nerdiness so those cliches are kinda bleh. Hah, that just reminded me of a friend. He said that he thinks the type of person who would be compatible for me would be little nerdy, in a good way (whatever that means LoL). He's really silly though. @_@ However, well, Lizanya even told me that I end up liking the weird ones...but I guess that can't be helped. I love individuality. I guess, along with being musically/artistically talented, that's another turn on for me. I'd like to have someone who's not afraid to be themselves, and who has a sense of humor too. Someone who'll respect me for my boundaries and blahblahblah. Oh, and having blue eyes too...well, that's not mandatory, but it'd be a plus. I bet you're laughing right now, whoever you are who reads my posts. I can't help it, there is just something about blue eyes that are amazing. Don't get me wrong, green eyes are pretty too, actually, green eyes are lovely, but I'm really picky about those. Blue eyes, I'll honestly say I'm kinda picky about as well. But, I've encountered eyes with the shade of blue that I really really really like, so that puts me in a reality stage when it comes to blue. Oh, and obviously, dark eyes are the bomb (yes, I just said that). I have dark eyes, so naturally my opinion is biased hehehe ^///^ Whoa wait a minute, how in the world did I get on this topic???
Well anyway, I feel a lot better now, so I'm going to go put on my soothing waves and calming music and go to bed now. :)