This is a very well detailed piece, but I have to add though, (since this was one of my problems back then) that I warn you not to sink your writing into description overkill. I did that in sixth grade and my teacher told me that I spent too much time describing something and I never had finished the story, and also told me that I had to even it out between the characters a bit, but that's not one of your problems, because so far it's just Dawn. ^_^'
But all besides that, I rather enjoyed your writing so far, so please continue. I'd like to see the development of Dawns character as well as others more to come.
manami26
Senior Otaku+ | Posted 07/15/09 | Reply
This is a very well detailed piece, but I have to add though, (since this was one of my problems back then) that I warn you not to sink your writing into description overkill. I did that in sixth grade and my teacher told me that I spent too much time describing something and I never had finished the story, and also told me that I had to even it out between the characters a bit, but that's not one of your problems, because so far it's just Dawn. ^_^'
But all besides that, I rather enjoyed your writing so far, so please continue. I'd like to see the development of Dawns character as well as others more to come.