Hero of Thyme (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/01/11 | Reply
Wow! Ireland?! I went a few years back, you should just be glad that he's going during a warmer time of year, rather than the rainy/cold time I went.
Don't worry so much! Couples can totally take seperate vacations No matter how tight a relationship, people need their alone time, yeah?
Uh... this really isn't all that helpful, is it? I definitely think you're stressing it too much. Talk to him about it for sure if it's troubling you. Of course, don't be a pushover or anything, just kind of be like "So what's in Ireland?" Take a genuine interest in why he's going and then maybe you won't stress so much... because you'll know his motives...?
Augh, again, not helping a whole lot am I? Communication, dear Yosei! That is the key!
Little Sayu (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/11 | Reply
Well I mean, you said in your post that "he didn't even ask [your] opinion", which kinda implies that you did want a bit of a say/notice xD But anyway, I wasn't implying that you weren't being supportive in saying that. I just meant that you should put a little more faith in him about his decision, even though he didn't really tell you much ahead of time. More importantly, however, what can you do now that he's decided to go? Well...
"I just wish he'd express a little interest in the things I like to do. It's rare when he does..."
Why don't you just tell him that? lol If he's not taking interest in what you're doing, then tell him that you wish he'd be a bit more interested in what you like. Of course, there's no way to force him to do that, but just ask him to give you a bit of support.
I mean, everyone says that they give their loved ones their whole heart but you wouldn't even be having this post up if you did, would you? xD I mean you could, but everyone has their doubts and reservations. You said you were really surprised by the fact that he didn't really tell you about this despite the promises you made before about not going alone etc., and that you kinda wanted a bit more of a notice ahead of time.
It's okay to ask for that, as I'm sure you know, but I mean if he needs your opinion then you must not feel that good about his decision to go no? Especially with what he said about waiting.
You know what, if there's something you don't know about what he thinks/believes, then ask him straight up to tell you clearly. What can you do if you don't know? Well, nothing. Unless you're a mind-reader. If he doesn't want to tell you/can't tell you perhaps because of his mother, then trust what he says for now because really, what else can you do? If he's your boyfriend and he cares about you then what reason would there be not to trust him? Caution is good, sure, but I mean, if he wants to go on his own, what else can you do besides ask why?
And regarding the party situation, if I had a boyfriend and that happened to me, what would you tell me?
I doubt you'd tell me much more than I told you lol or you'd say I don't know. Because really, unless it boils down to something like a problem of communication/trust or whatever, there's nothing you can do about the last-minute decision for him to go to "the party" because he's going anyway and you can't go.
Besides, you can always go together in the future. Just because he decided to go now doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep his promise to you about going there together to show you around about his family.
Long post is long.
I don't really know what you expected from writing your post haha because there's not much one can do besides say "Awww it'll be okay!! Just be strong!" or ATTEMPT advice that probably doesn't even apply well given the information so...
yep.
Just be strong and try to work things out little by little.
EDIT: Also, feel free to disregard this whole post. It's really long and kinda unnecessary given my position xD I'll just say good luck and feel better!
Last edited by aragorn1014 at 4:14:58 PM CDT on November 1, 2011.
It's not that I want him to know my opinion. I really would love for him to go there and explore his ancestral roots and my opinion wouldn't matter, anyway. I would support his decision to go.
I give him all the faith in the world. I really do! I just wish he'd express a little interest in the things I like to do. It's rare when he does...
And, normally, I would trust him more. But, his mother is a controlling type, and lately she's been trying to tell him lies about me. And, I don't know what he does or doesn't believe, even when he tells me, "No, I know you myself and she's lying,"... But, I think I'm entitled to some doubts.
I do support him, as well. But, I always thought this was something he would include me in, since it's a rather central part of his life. His family is from Ireland, he talks about it everyday. I always thought we would go together and learn new things... He's always said, "Someday, you and I will go there, and we'll see the town my great great grandfather grew up in and etc..."
Plus, this isn't a problem of trust. I do trust him. I just feel left out. It's like someone I love promised me they'd take me to their party, then decided to go on their own without informing me until the night before.
It's kinda complicated, I suppose. It'd be easier to understand as someone more involved.
Thanks for the help, though.
Little Sayu (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/11 | Reply
Hey Yosei-chan, I know you're in a bit of a rough patch right now..and it's not really my place to say this because it's not like it's really my business but...have you thought about having a little more faith in him and what he does?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a good opportunity for him to tell you or not. And I'm sure that as much as you want him to keep you posted on what he does, he doesn't have to ask for your opinion on what he wants to do for himself and the same goes for you having to ask him for his opinion on everything you do.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, does he really have to tell you everything for you to have his trust in full? He's only going away for a couple of weeks, and I'm sure you guys can find out a way to keep in touch in his time there. On top of that, you could take a trip to Japan for yourself to cool things down and let each of you have some time to yourselves to explore different places-and if you told him that, I'm sure he'd be supportive.
It's always incredibly helpful in a relationship to tell each other things, but if you want to keep it going best, you have to support each other, I'm sure. I guess I wouldn't really know it all because I've never been in that kind of relationship myself, but I do know that listening to and communicating with each other is important. And if you want to REALLY be listening to someone and talking to them, you have to trust what they're saying or nothing will ever fly.
I'm not saying that you're really in the wrong, because if I were you, I'd definitely be concerned too if my boyfriend wasn't really communicating with me. But just try and trust him and support his decision so maybe he'll open up to you more about it, and that'll help you in the long run. I'm not saying to be a push-over, but be a little cautious but at the same time just try and trust him for now and say you'll be there for him and that you hope he'll do the same.
My god I'm turning into a counselor.
Anyways, yeah, just stay strong and believe in each other k? Take care.
i.luv.kiba
Hero of Thyme (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 11/01/11 | Reply
Wow! Ireland?! I went a few years back, you should just be glad that he's going during a warmer time of year, rather than the rainy/cold time I went.
Don't worry so much! Couples can totally take seperate vacations No matter how tight a relationship, people need their alone time, yeah?
Uh... this really isn't all that helpful, is it? I definitely think you're stressing it too much. Talk to him about it for sure if it's troubling you. Of course, don't be a pushover or anything, just kind of be like "So what's in Ireland?" Take a genuine interest in why he's going and then maybe you won't stress so much... because you'll know his motives...?
Augh, again, not helping a whole lot am I? Communication, dear Yosei! That is the key!
~Colleen
aragorn1014
Little Sayu (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/11 | Reply
Well I mean, you said in your post that "he didn't even ask [your] opinion", which kinda implies that you did want a bit of a say/notice xD But anyway, I wasn't implying that you weren't being supportive in saying that. I just meant that you should put a little more faith in him about his decision, even though he didn't really tell you much ahead of time. More importantly, however, what can you do now that he's decided to go? Well...
"I just wish he'd express a little interest in the things I like to do. It's rare when he does..."
Why don't you just tell him that? lol If he's not taking interest in what you're doing, then tell him that you wish he'd be a bit more interested in what you like. Of course, there's no way to force him to do that, but just ask him to give you a bit of support.
I mean, everyone says that they give their loved ones their whole heart but you wouldn't even be having this post up if you did, would you? xD I mean you could, but everyone has their doubts and reservations. You said you were really surprised by the fact that he didn't really tell you about this despite the promises you made before about not going alone etc., and that you kinda wanted a bit more of a notice ahead of time.
It's okay to ask for that, as I'm sure you know, but I mean if he needs your opinion then you must not feel that good about his decision to go no? Especially with what he said about waiting.
You know what, if there's something you don't know about what he thinks/believes, then ask him straight up to tell you clearly. What can you do if you don't know? Well, nothing. Unless you're a mind-reader. If he doesn't want to tell you/can't tell you perhaps because of his mother, then trust what he says for now because really, what else can you do? If he's your boyfriend and he cares about you then what reason would there be not to trust him? Caution is good, sure, but I mean, if he wants to go on his own, what else can you do besides ask why?
And regarding the party situation, if I had a boyfriend and that happened to me, what would you tell me?
I doubt you'd tell me much more than I told you lol or you'd say I don't know. Because really, unless it boils down to something like a problem of communication/trust or whatever, there's nothing you can do about the last-minute decision for him to go to "the party" because he's going anyway and you can't go.
Besides, you can always go together in the future. Just because he decided to go now doesn't mean he doesn't want to keep his promise to you about going there together to show you around about his family.
Long post is long.
I don't really know what you expected from writing your post haha because there's not much one can do besides say "Awww it'll be okay!! Just be strong!" or ATTEMPT advice that probably doesn't even apply well given the information so...
yep.
Just be strong and try to work things out little by little.
EDIT: Also, feel free to disregard this whole post. It's really long and kinda unnecessary given my position xD I'll just say good luck and feel better!
Last edited by aragorn1014 at 4:14:58 PM CDT on November 1, 2011.
TheDarkAngel
Pathetic Diabetic (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/11 | Reply
@aragorn1014:
It's not that I want him to know my opinion. I really would love for him to go there and explore his ancestral roots and my opinion wouldn't matter, anyway. I would support his decision to go.
I give him all the faith in the world. I really do! I just wish he'd express a little interest in the things I like to do. It's rare when he does...
And, normally, I would trust him more. But, his mother is a controlling type, and lately she's been trying to tell him lies about me. And, I don't know what he does or doesn't believe, even when he tells me, "No, I know you myself and she's lying,"... But, I think I'm entitled to some doubts.
I do support him, as well. But, I always thought this was something he would include me in, since it's a rather central part of his life. His family is from Ireland, he talks about it everyday. I always thought we would go together and learn new things... He's always said, "Someday, you and I will go there, and we'll see the town my great great grandfather grew up in and etc..."
Plus, this isn't a problem of trust. I do trust him. I just feel left out. It's like someone I love promised me they'd take me to their party, then decided to go on their own without informing me until the night before.
It's kinda complicated, I suppose. It'd be easier to understand as someone more involved.
Thanks for the help, though.
~Yosei~
And, then... I met you.
aragorn1014
Little Sayu (Otaku Eternal) | Posted 10/31/11 | Reply
Hey Yosei-chan, I know you're in a bit of a rough patch right now..and it's not really my place to say this because it's not like it's really my business but...have you thought about having a little more faith in him and what he does?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a good opportunity for him to tell you or not. And I'm sure that as much as you want him to keep you posted on what he does, he doesn't have to ask for your opinion on what he wants to do for himself and the same goes for you having to ask him for his opinion on everything you do.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, does he really have to tell you everything for you to have his trust in full? He's only going away for a couple of weeks, and I'm sure you guys can find out a way to keep in touch in his time there. On top of that, you could take a trip to Japan for yourself to cool things down and let each of you have some time to yourselves to explore different places-and if you told him that, I'm sure he'd be supportive.
It's always incredibly helpful in a relationship to tell each other things, but if you want to keep it going best, you have to support each other, I'm sure. I guess I wouldn't really know it all because I've never been in that kind of relationship myself, but I do know that listening to and communicating with each other is important. And if you want to REALLY be listening to someone and talking to them, you have to trust what they're saying or nothing will ever fly.
I'm not saying that you're really in the wrong, because if I were you, I'd definitely be concerned too if my boyfriend wasn't really communicating with me. But just try and trust him and support his decision so maybe he'll open up to you more about it, and that'll help you in the long run. I'm not saying to be a push-over, but be a little cautious but at the same time just try and trust him for now and say you'll be there for him and that you hope he'll do the same.
My god I'm turning into a counselor.
Anyways, yeah, just stay strong and believe in each other k? Take care.