=/ well i really feel like writing a post but I can't...
Which is funny because I have so much on my mind right now I swear it could explode any minute.
I find it funny that you could have a good day, laughing one minute then crying the next. Or you could be so sad one minute and angry the next. When I was a kid I was always happy, I sure do miss those days, when you didn't care about anything at all, when Having fun was your occupation and sadness was barely a word....
Its funny how things change....its funny how many things can happen to change your life.
I've been through sooo much since 8th grade...thats when life really just crumbled into rubble for me. Why not tell the story? of everything thats happened....
1-7th grade, All i cared about was having fun, laughing, boys (of course), and love. Yeah I had my rough days but they always just slipped right out of my fingers and I'd completely forget how upset i was. I was the class clown, I made everyone laugh.
one thing i don't miss is being the drama queen....because back then i was definatly the drama queen *chuckles*
8th-11th: so here come the years where things just got really bad....I started pushing away from people, spending my time on the internet, being quiet. I went to a different school in 8th grade and it was hard fitting in with everyone. And around the half way mark of that year...was when my life started going down the drain. My grandma hadn't been feeling well for a while, but she refused to go to the damn hospital. No matter how many times we told her. "you need to go." she didn't....I remember getting picked up by my dad on a friday I think. He wasn't talking....he was focused on the road....when i asked him what was wrong he just stayed quiet before answering.
"your grandma is dieing."
And i'll tell you right now those words broke my heart. she was in the hospital for the rest of the year....the doctors didn't think she would survive infact that wanted to take her off life support! But my mom pushed and pushed to make sure they kept her on. I was so scared....My grandma means a whole lot to me, she's lived with me since i was just brought back from the hospital she was in a coma for about 3 months....and the best memory of have of that time was when I spoke to her for the first time and she opened her eyes. My grandma survived that terrible half a year in the hospital and I thank god for keeping her with me. I missed a lot of school after she was put in the hospital. her kidneys both failed her and she is on Dyalisis now.
that year...I changed completely. you can ask anyone. I wasn't the crazy hyper kid 24/7, and I wasn't the immature little Mrs. Drama Queen anymore either. I changed, I no longer cried over everything, I no longer needed to get my way. I went quiet and matured so much it scared a lot of people.
9th grade: I was still the same, hating life, thought it was stupid etc etc. I still had that cheerful aura about me though around my friends. I never act sad around my friend...er....well try not to anyway. I like them to think I am happy. Anyway so In school I was fine most of the time, always smiling and laughing around my friends because even if I was down my friends normally made it much much better!
Then some things happened...things I can't say what because they must stay in the family but things happened. God I was pissed....I was really pissed. My friends were worried because that day I just couldn't keep the pain and hatred i was feeling inside. I can't remember what I said...but it freaked my friends out. Before I knew it the police were called on me 9 times because half the school thought i was going to commit suicide....
I wasn't....But i guess something I said suggested that...anyway....I went through the rest of the school year making sure I hid all my sad, angry and depressed emotions inside because I knew that it would happen again if i didn't keep quiet, because they were keeping tags on me.
ANYWAY so the year flew by after that and then summer game around.
then sophomore year started.....GREAT that was the worst effing year of my life. almost tied with 8th grade...around the beginning of the year we were just having a fun time my family and I were getting away for the weekend and then my grandma fell. i was coming from school...of course and we get to the hotel and knocked on the door.
no answer
knocked again and i could slightly hear my grandma yelling that she couldn't get the door. I thought "maybe she's stuck in the bathtub or something." because she's very weak. I waited and waited for my dad to come back but one of the security guards spotted me outside the room and let me in. And there was my grandma on the floor just laying there. I acted cool for the most part, then we the paramedics came in I flipped. apparently she had fallen and shattered her hip....she was once again hospitalized for a few months then put in a nursing home because she wasn't doing well at all.
I missed A LOT of school. a lot....too much to be precise. I was struggling in all my classes trying to stay with everyone. my grades dropped from a's to c's to a's to c's. I managed to pull out alright with low a's and high b's but it was super hard. And of course my grandma punished me for that telling me I needed A's and thats it.
so my grandma....she means ALOT to me but she's always insulting me....its like she can't appreciate things I do for her sometimes but yeah...
so now its 11th grade: i'm here, hating life somewhat....even more mature than before. Too mature I think...I could move out tomorrow and be totally fine....Sometimes I wake up thinking i'm 18 already which is rediculous...I haven't even turned 17 yet lol. My friends went to college this year =/ I miss them a lot because they have gone through everything with me. They have been my best friends since i was 3 years old. (they are triplets). Its hard not having them here. My grandma just had to go to the hospital AGAIN three or four days ago....had to get stitches. its just one thing after another for me....
EDIT: not to mention my friend committed suicide and my dog died on the same day.....
and so maybe now you guys will understand why I don't express how i feel sometimes. Tho i know its bad to keep it all in. I mean talking about it/ranting about it in here feels okay....but i'll just bunddle it all back up once i press "post."
so...if you really wanna know how i feel, read this because this may be the last time you get me to say this much about myself lol.
peace
-Zenny
So yeah....im at the hospital...not for me thank god but for my grandma.'
So it would of been better if it were me =
Anyway her little puppy was playing with her and accidently bit her. So she is getting stitches....again
.-.
.....
Are you wearing a hat?
no
Bottled water: yes or no?
ok
Do you have a crush on someone right now?
Mhm
What kind of laptop do you have?
HP touch smart
Do you prefer writing with pen or pencil?
Pen
Who was the last text message in your phone?
My friend Sami.
Whats your favorite season?
Spring
Does your best friend have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Not yet
Do you like them?
Haven’t met them
Favorite radio station?
XM radio station 20
Type your name into Google, whats the first thing that comes up?
Flower borders for houses
Whats your favorite song at the moment?
Not sure
Coke or Pepsi?
Coke
Favorite subject in school?
Art
Last concert?
A really stupid one my parents made me go to.
Next concert?
Lady Gaga possibly
Last magazine you bought?
Don’t buy magazines
Last book you read?
Dunno, I don’t like reading.
Do you prefer cats or dogs?
Cats
Is there someone you want to punch right now?
Kind of
Favorite sports team?
Not into sports
State you most want to visit?
Hmm dunno
Are you a facebook addict?
No
When do you shower? Morning and sometimes at night
Whats your dream job?
hmmm video game creator
What kind of car do you drive?
I don't drive
What word in the dictionary best describes you?
psycho
Lights on or off?
On
Are you a better listener or talker?
Listener
Do you care about who wins the election?
No as long as they have good expectations for our country
Who was the most popular kid in 7th grade?
I don’t know and don’t care
Are you afraid of ghosts?
A little bit.
Is there something lacking in your life right now?
Possibly
What do you miss most about childhood?
Not being depressed and just enjoying life without a care in the world.
How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?
2 for permit test, idk for drivers test- haven’t taken it yet.
Do you drink alcohol?
Hell no.
Do you do drugs?
HELL NO
Are you a good liar?
Not really XD
Can you cook?
Yes
Are you a cheapskate?
no
What would you do with a million dollars?
Donate some, save the rest.
Have you ever been to Disneyworld?
Disney land, not Disneyworld
How much time do you spend online?
Waayyy too much
Last time you went bowling?
Couple weeks ago
Hot or cold weather?
Between
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
2
Are you a shop-a-holic?
Not at all
Where were you yesterday at 10:30?
Hanging out with friends at my house
Are you afraid of the dentist?
No
Do you make wishes at 11:11?
Yeah XD
Do you trust people?
Some people
Who was the last person in your bedroom?
My friends
Be honest, do you generally like people?
Nah
Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
cry
Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
Can’t remember, most likely my grandma
If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
Hawaii
Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Not at all
What was your last text message about?
Uh my friend was being a meany ☹
Whats your first thought when your alarm goes off?
Ignore it
Did you like this survey?
sure
i tag:
Mira
Otis
Hallow
Panda
and who ever else wants to.
So, I got really REALLY bored and so I decided to make my own Survey thing. Now i'm tagging all of you and its your job to fill it out on what you think of me and then tag your friends to see what they think of you :) You don't have to answer all the questions so feel free to skip the ones you don't feel like answering.
Silly Survey
YES OR NO ANSWER
1.want to meet me?
2.Want to Kiss me?
3.Want to hug me?
4.Want to punch me (I hope not XD)
5.Want to laugh with me
6.Want to go on a date with me
7.want to be my valentine? (lil too early for this question but oh well)
8.Sleep with me? (this is like...sleep over wise people >.> boys if you WANT to answer it the other way then go ahead.)
9.want to go to an anime convention with me?
10.Want to love me?
WHAT IF QUESTIONS
1.If you saw me at your school sitting by myself what would you do?
2.If you saw me hurt what would you do?
3.If I said I loved you what would you do?
4.If I kissed you what would you do?
5.If I hugged you what would you do?
6.If you woke up and I was standing at your door what would you do? (random XD)
7.If I bought you a present what would you do?
RANDOM OTHER PART XD
Okay this is more your own thing, no questions well...one lol
1.If you had one day with me, what would you like to do? Describe to me what we would do and what would you think and ETC.
I tag:
Jobro
Baka Red
Tobi
FrozenFlameHearts (PANDA)
Lion
RickHunter
EmoFoxProductions (Sam Sam!)
Shamie
Algero
Mira
ZeroKiryu
NinjaKing
Zacman
DeathScythe
Touket
So i'm going to my brothers tomorrow and i'm going to leave my laptop at home. I'm going to "try." to take a break for just a couple days even tho its easier said than done since this site is so addicting and clear my head. I think a tiny break will do me good. it will most likely be for about 3 to 4 days depending on stuff i'm doing. but yeah.
