He had no clue how this had happened, he barely remembered how it even started, he had said something to her, he didn't remember wat, and she had said, "Oh? Then maybe I should just go ahead and end it all hm?" she had even LAUGHED about it! Ichigo could honestly say that he had never been so mad at her in his life, "How can you say something like that?" he wispered, "Ichigo, don't you understand? I deserve to die, I shouldn't-" "Stop being so selfish!" he finally shouted, he just couldn't take anymore of this, he was just so mad, at Rukia? No, not really at her, just mad at the world, at every power that had ever put such thoughts in her head, she should never think such things, she should never doubt her right to life, her reason to live, her right to be happy, he wished that he could erase her life and let her sart over, let her start all over with her eyes being as blind as every other child's should be, not seeing all this blood and death and famine and war and everything else that had hurt her, erase every harsh word every person that ever hurt her, just erase it all, every little bit, she shouldn't have to live the way she had lived, not someone like her, and he would never tell anyone, but sometimes, wen she looks at him, he just aches, because her eyes could look so tired and so wise beyond their years, so tired and hurt and in danger, he hated it wen she looked at him that way, but now was not such a look, he watched the anger flare up in her eyes, and her teeth gritted slightly, "Selfish? SELFISH?! I-" she paused, in a moment of anger she had started to let her tounge slip, "Yes?" he smirked, her eyes trembled with fear, he hated seeing that, but he had to keep his cool, this was NOT an argument that he could loose, and he was about to win the moment she finished that sentence, "I, I have nothing else to say," she wispered, she had never had to look down in shame or secrecy before, but she wouldn't look at him now, if she did, she new that she would be locked under his gaze, "Yes you do, you're suicidal, you no that and so do I, and you were about to say it too," he had learned through his days as a Soul Reaper that sometimes, he had to act cold as stone, he had never used that trick untill now, and he hated it, "I have my reasons," she wispered, the anger in him just kept riseing, "You realize don't you, that I'm nothing, absolutely nothing, espically compared to you," he pushed the anger down, he had a new way of winning, his eyes seemed to smile with him, "If that were true, then I couldn't do this," he said, and that's wen the impossible happened, the barriers broke down and his lips met her's, only a slight struggle emitted from the small woman before she allowed him to kiss her, he was mad, but his kiss didn't show any such emotion, only passion and desiere and love, and it surprised her, but he was such a gentle, soft kisser, and after a short time they had to part for breath, "Can't," she wispered, looking guilty and sad, his hands engulfed her's, "Yes, we can," he promised, "No we can't!" She protested, slideing away from him and swinging her legs over the side of the bed, "Why? Why can't we be together?" he asked her, she didn't even glance his way, "Is it because of Soul Society? Do you think I care about wat they think?! If I have to I'll take you away, I'll kill 'em all, I'll do watever I have to as long as-" "Stop it!" She finally shouted, "It's not Soul Society! It's not you! It's not anything! It's me," she wispered, "I don't deserve you, I don't deserve happiness, or love, and espiically not you, I'm nothing but a selfish murderer, I've already done too much to you," with that he grabbed her rists, pinning her to the bed, "I-Ichigo?" she wispered, "Stop being so selfish," he wispered, before kissing her forcefully, this time his anger was visable in his kiss, he made his purpose clear as he abused her lips with his own, it was the sweetest torture,
Rukia loved this, even wen he was mad at her, his kisses were still so soft and gentle, and she could just sink into him, but she couldn't, she wanted him, she wanted him for so long now, been in love with him for so long now, but she couldn't, she just couldn't keep being selfish, she peeked her eyes open slightly, just enough to see down his t-shirt, looking at the dozens of scars that littered his chest, and that's wen she noticed it, the skin on his hands was so much rougher than his lips, wich incedently, tasted quite a bit like strawberry lip bomb, but she couldn't concentrate on that now, it was all her fault, the scars were her fault, the pain was her fault, the hate was her fault, it was all her fault, but she wanted to be with him so badly, the confussion,she could honestly say, was the most painfull thing she had ever experinced
Ichigo hadn't noticed untill she started hypervenalateing, but she was sobbing uncontrollably, he immediatly sprang up, she hadn't noticed, she was still crying and unaware of the world around her, and that's wen it hit him, it was something that he had done, he had hurt her, he had hurt her pretty badly too, "I'm sorry," he wispered, stareing in pain at the petite woman laying next to him, crying her eyes out, her chest heaving with every short, smuthered breath, "I'm so sorry!" He shouted, and that's wen she awoke from her state, she opened her eyes to see Ichigo looking guilty and unbareable, immediatly, her other emotions were pushed down by her riseing confusssion, her breath steadied and her tears stopped, "Ichigo? Why are YOU apoligizeing?" she asked, "I'm so sorry, I really didn't no I was hurting you, I didn't mean to I swear, I'm so, so sorry, I'll never hurt you like that ever again," he promised, but Rukia still didn't understand why he thought that this was HIS fault, "Hurt me? You didn't hurt me," she replied simply, "Then why were you crying like that?" she looked away, "It IS my fault," he wispered, "No it isn't!" She shouted, "Then why won't you tell me?! Wen you start crying in the middle of a kiss and then won't talk to me, wat am I supposed to think?!" he yelled, "It's all my fault," she wispered, "Those scars, they're my fault, all the pain, my fault," "But you-" "Shut up! Let me talk already!" he stopped, stareing at her intently, "I didn't even give you a choice wen I did that to you, I shouldn't have turned you into a Soul Reaper, those scars, no one should ever have that many, they shouldn't be that deep either, no human, no Soul Reaper, even Renji and my brother don't have that many scars, I'm just so sorry, I should've thought about how this would ruin your future, I mean, these scars will never disapear, wat are you going to tell your children wen they ask about them?!" "Rukia you don't GET IT!" He shouted, "I had every choice in the world to say no! Get it?! I didn't have to take your powers that night, I didn't have to go after you, I didn't have to get my powers back, I didn't have to save you," he grinned, gently pushing her down onto the bed, wrapping his arms under her tiny back, and wispering in her ear, "But I did, you no why?" she shook her head, unable to speak, "Because I wanted to, just like I want to be with you, just like I love you," she shoook her head, "I don't deserve this! I don't deserve to be loved! Or to be happy! Just because I love you dosen't mean that I deserve you!" Ichigo rolled his eyes, "You silly, silly girl, you just don't no wen to shut up, don't you get it yet? I don't want your opinion, I don't care that you think you deserve to die, but most importantly, I DO care about YOU, I want YOU, I love YOU, and my dear, as long as you love me, I'm not letting you go, so you can just forget about this self-hate crap, because it's just meaningless," he wispered, "Although, you DID give me an awfull lot of trouble, you should be punished for that," he wispered, gently nipping her ear, she shreiked quietly, Ichigo grinned, getting up, "You no, .. that's how they repremand dogs," it took a moment before Rukia realized that she had been insulted, and she immediatly yelled, "Wa- who are you to compare me to a dog?! I mean geez! YOU wear lipstick!" "It isn't lipstick Moron! It's chap stick! There's a huge diffrence!" "Sure, Miss Strawberry Lips," Ichigo laughed, admittedly that was pretty clever, he shook his head, laying beside her, "Go to sleep you idiot, it's getting late," she closed her eyes and felt Ichigo pull her next to him, "And by the way, to answer your question, wen my kids ask about these scars, I'll tell them that I got these, because I wanted to rescue their mommy, and that I don't regret anything," Rukia grinned, "Now who's being selfish?" she mocked, "No," he said simply, "That's still you,"