Well, here I am. People who know me love me whether they like it or not. It's a burden since I dislike most people. You can find My actual Life HERE. I have many fandoms, and many likes but I have yet to find passion in a past time. You are welcome as long as you behave.
I figure as long as STAN can live here, I can too. Here's round two.
Hi kids.
Feeling pretty okay about today. Keeping why to myself for fear of bad luck.
Random silly thing little thing here. I am a bit school girlish here. On the rare occasion that I do leave my house, one of the people I hang out with is this guy. We Have fun, we laugh and I can't tell if we're just laughing and having fun or if he's actually flirting with me. I'm flirting with him. He could be obtuse or oblivious. Maybe he just thinks I'm a funny fat kid and likes to laugh at my jokes.
As I said previously, I'm kind of glad I'm not dating as I'm getting enough rejection in the job search thus far. It has gotten to the point though that I am ready to just say, "Dude, I'm flirting with you." The immediate reaction from him will be an, "Oh my God." What I wonder about is what comes after that. Whether it's, "Me too," or, "I didn't realize, I don't....blah blah blah fill in banal rejection here." I don't want to deal with that, so I continue to sit around and be funny. Being funny allows me to be a social fat kid.
So, do I continue to be a funny fat kid or do I fess up and alienate this thing I have going on? I'm conflicted.
“I went out to find a friend and could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere.”
My moods are changing at breakneck speeds lately. On minutes I'm up then down the hungry then doing the hokey pokey. I don't like it.
Anyway... My self esteem is fairly shot from the job search. I suppose I'm grateful to have a job. whatever. I think I'm going to take out a shit load of student loans and get like 5 useless degrees. That way I'm overqualified for all kinds of stuff and still be miserable and in MOAR debt.
Gah, I hate when I'm like this. I just look for things to focus my EMO anger on.
I have come to the realization that it's good I'm not dating now since my self worth is being pummeled by the job hunt.
I'm getting my puppy soooooooooon and that makes me both worried and happy. Everything makes me worried these days though.
I'm all kinds of rambley tonight and we aren't even scratching the surface. I feel all twitchy like a crackhead tonight...
