Chapter Three: Aeons, -Aga’s and Architects
I watched the sun’s rays appear over the hill. I watched them illuminate Riku’s sparkling silver hair. I watched them creep over Gildas and Zexion where they lay, intertwined. And then I sighed. It seemed like I wasn’t that important to Gildas anymore; like Zexion had replaced me. He seemed to know more about Gildas than I did now, and he and Gildas spent every minute together. I couldn’t spend time alone with Gildas, messing around like we used to. I had been left and forgotten…And who could blame Gildas? I was…boring. Zexion, he was exciting and fun, whereas I had nothing special about me. Riku sighed next to me, and I began to wonder about him. What did he see in me? Would he leave me for someone interesting as soon as he could, just like Gildas did?
I got up gingerly, making sure not to wake Riku, and walked away. As I walked, I tried not to think; tried not to hate myself. It didn’t work…I thought about Gildas. He was right to not want to spend time with me. I thought about how I had reacted last night, when he couldn’t speak. I hadn’t realised – but what if I had, subconsciously, and didn’t like it? Before all this began, I would have known that I wasn’t like that, but now…I wasn’t so sure. Maybe now I was just…selfish.
I couldn’t walk any further. Looking back, the group had disappeared behind the hill. I was truly alone now. And that was what I deserved; I didn’t deserve to be near people, talking to them, laughing with them…nothing. I truly hated myself. My legs folded beneath me, and I sank to the grassy floor. What did I do now? Nothing was sure anymore; not me, not Gildas, not Riku…I didn’t know anything…All that I knew was that I was breathing.
I closed my eyes. Breathed in, out, in, out…I tried to calm down, look at things coolly. But even once I did that, everything still looked the same…So then, it was me. Our group was happy, perfect even…and I was the mould, growing and creeping in. But I couldn’t just leave. I had to make it permanent. If I left, I would go looking for them, and I wanted it to be definite that they wouldn’t have to see me again. I wanted them to know in their hearts that I wouldn’t ever trouble them again, that they could finally be happy.
So, then…how? What was the best way to erase myself from everyone else’s lives? I could see the big tree next to me, and its sturdy branches, and that’s when I knew what to do. I ran back to our sort-of camp, and grabbed the rope out of my bag whilst everyone stayed sleeping gently. I cast one longing look at Riku, and then ran back to the tree before anyone woke up and noticed. I had to end this alone…
I did everything without thinking about it…It just sort of, happened. I knew it was me doing it, but it wasn’t really my decision anymore. And then…It was painful at first, but eventually I just felt…cold…numb…empty…
I knew Haru left the camp. It’s weird, being in the book made me lose my voice bit it’s heightened other things. I can sense movement in the ground, I’m able to understand people’s emotions better. And I could read Haru’s emotions loud and clear. She was giving them off like radio signals, I was surprised no-one else noticed. I knew exactly what she was going to do, when she came back for the rope. As soon as she was out of sight, I walked over to L and shook him awake. He looked blearily at me, and I struggled. I’d have to write it for him. Motioning for him to wait, I ran back to get some paper from my bag. Using the pen from my pocket, I wrote: (Is there any way to revive the dead?)
L shook his head. “No, Gildas, there is not. Life awakes those who have fainted or are unconscious, and Full-Life brings them back to full strength, but there is no spell to bring back a dead person.” I grabbed his arm, knowing that time was short. Pulled him up and out of the camp. “What are you doing?” He asked. I just looked back, all the emotion flowing from my eyes, and he understood. “Haru.”
He ran as well, both following my only sense of direction, and it was fading fast. Haru was a torrent of emotion, a fountain of pain... and that was fading, nothing replacing it. Time was running out. We got to the tree, and I pointed up to Haru. L was stunned. “How do we get her down?” I had to think of something. Shiva had mentioned it before... how to use powers without speaking.... what had she said? Think, Gildas THINK!
Flash. “Master,” Flash. “Master, if you gain enough skill you can use our powers without speaking. However, only one man has ever done this.” Flash. Darn! Haru was too high up for me to cut her down, and who knew if I had enough skill? I had to try. I pointed at the rope. (Hellfire!) Nothing. (Hellfire!!!) Nothing. (God Damnit, HELLFIRE!!!) Sparks. Embers. Something was happening. (Hellfire, Hellfire, HELLFIRE!) A small flame burst from my finger, falling lifelessly to the ground. I began to cry. Zexion appeared, dragging a not-too-happy Sora along with him. He rushed over, held my hand. “You can do this. I know you can...” I was so scared. What if I failed? What if I missed and hit Haru instead? I had to try, I was the only one who could do this. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale (Hellfire) Exhale. Inhale (Hellfire!) Exhale. Inhale (HELLFIRE!) Exhale. Flash. Crash. I’d missed.
I hit the tree, in the centre of the trunk. The trunk cracked, and split through the centre. The tree fell. Haru hit the ground, hard. I grabbed my scythe, cut her free from the thick branch. L began his work. “Life. Life. Come on Haru, Life!” Haru was still. I couldn’t watch. Zexion turned. Pulled a book from his hands. Opened it. “Full-Life! Haru, come on now, Full-Life!” Zexion looked at me, shocked. “FULL-LIFE! Damn it, Haru, FULL-LIFE!” I looked down at Haru. Lifeless. Empty. I couldn’t take it. I was crying, but more than that, my heart was breaking. Haru was always there for me. What could I do? “HARU!!!” L looked up. Shocked. Zexion smiled. Sora looked confused. It was me. I’d spoken. “The ink... is fading...” Zexion began. “Haru, No!” I said. Grabbed hold of her, shook her. “Wa... Wake... Wake up!”
A hissing noise. Something breaking apart. Thud. I turned around. Couldn’t see anything. But was that pile of dirt there before? I didn’t care. I turned back, looked down at Haru. Flutter. Flutter flutter. Open. Eyes shining. Bruises receding. Lips... opening. Gasping. I brought Haru into the tightest embrace we’d ever had, kissed her cheek. “You... You wor... worrie.. worried me.” I said. Her eyes lit up. She smiled. Hugged me back. L turned around, walked over to the pile of dirt. I saw a tear drop to the ground. “L..? L... wha... what’s wron... wrong?” He knelt down. Picked up a black book. Death Note. “Sha’dak...” He began. “Sha’dak... saved Haru....”
The numbness…that empty feeling…it went away. I could feel someone hugging me. I knew that this wasn’t death…So that must mean I was alive, then? “You…spoke?” It was all I could think about right now, purely because it was a happy thing. Gildas nodded. “Why are you crying?” I asked. It confused me that someone who would rather spend time with someone else was crying for me. Gildas simply looked confused, the smile frozen on his face still. I pulled away from him. “Why are you crying?” I repeated. He opened his mouth, but I didn’t want to listen. “Save your tears – and your words – for someone else.” I looked pointedly at Zexion, and then turned to face L.
“I…How…What?” L didn’t look at me, he just continued looking at the pile of dirt. “He wrote your name into his Death Note.” It didn’t make any sense to me. If he had written my name into the Death Note, then I should be dead. L showed me the entry with my name at the top. It read, ‘Lives a long life before dying peacefully in her sleep.’ There was a date, too, but I didn’t read it – who would want to know their own death day? “Oh…” What else could I say?
I looked over at Gildas, who was hugging Zexion tightly, tears still running down his face. There, he had just proved my point. He didn’t need me when he had his ‘Zexy’. I wanted Riku. I wanted him to console me. I wanted him to hold me right now. I left Gildas with Zexion, L with Sha’dak’s remains, and Sora…on his own. As I sprinted back to where Riku lay, unaware of this morning’s events, I could feel the wind pulling my hair and teasing my tears out before snatching them away. “Riku!” I shouted once I could see him. “Riku!”
I flung myself at him, and he just about caught me. He laughed. “What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Where is everyone – and what happened this early in the morning? I can’t believe you let me sleep through it, whatever it was.” I couldn’t speak; I just clung to his warm body and sobbed. “I-I-I,” I stammered, but I gave up when Riku shushed me. “It’s okay. You can tell me later.” I tried to smile at him, but I just couldn’t…Eventually my tears slowed down, before stopping altogether. Riku pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Now are you going to tell me what’s up, hmm?” I nodded, and swallowed. “Come with me…Sha’dak died.” Riku was shocked, and scrambled up after me. I grabbed an empty water bottle out of my bag before we left.
Once we could see the others, I explained to Riku. “Sha’dak died, but…but I don’t know how.” I hated lying to him, but I needed him to love me right now, and telling him that I had killed someone else probably wouldn’t help. I could see that Gildas was still hanging onto Zexion, and walked past them both, up to L. “Here,” I said. “I brought a bottle to put his remains in…if you want, I mean. Do you want to do it, or shall I?” Wordlessly, L took the bottle from me and bent down to scoop up the dirty pile. Riku reached out for my hand, but I moved it and pretended to scratch my arm. I felt too guilty right now…
L finished picking up Sha’dak’s dust pile and secured the lid tightly. He picked up the Death Note, too, and tried to hand it to me. I shook my head. I didn’t want it, reminding me of how he died all the time…L held out the book more insistently. “I think it belongs to you, now. Seeing as how you were his human, and all. And also, I think he would want you to have it, since he died for you.” I gasped silently. Now he would explain it to Riku, and he would hate me too. I wished now that Gildas hadn’t saved me…
L summed up what had happened this morning to a silent Riku. Once he had finished, he walked back to camp, dragging a dazed Sora with him. I could feel Riku’s eyes on me, but I stared hard in a different direction. “Haru!” he yelled, and I suddenly realised I was staring at Gildas and Zexion, without meaning to. I looked around quickly, and Riku grabbed my shoulders so he could wheel me round to look into my eyes. “What on earth went through your mind?” he shouted. He didn’t sound angry; more concerned.
“I thought that…you wouldn’t-didn’t…want me anymore…I thought I would just leave, and then…you would be happy…” Riku dropped his hands to his side. “Why would you think a thing like that?” I hung my head. “Because I’m nothing special – everybody knows it! Even…even Gildas doesn’t care about me anymore…I don’t know what I did all of a sudden, but now he doesn’t need me, he doesn’t want me either, and I can see why! I mean, look at me! Look at who I am!” I gulped back more tears that were threatening to flood out, and stared straight at Riku. He pulled me into a fierce hug.
“That is just…so stupid!” he whispered. “I can’t imagine living without you anymore. I am so glad that Gildas saved you, because…because I love you.” I stiffened. What? “That’s right, I said it. I said I love you, Haru. More than anything. I’ve said it before, too. So you know I’m not just trying to make you feel better. Now you just have to start believing me.” When we broke apart – had it been minutes? Or hours? – we were alone. Gildas and Zexion were nowhere in sight. Riku started walking back to camp, trying to lead me by the hand. I slipped my hand out of his. “I…I’m going to stay here for a while. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid! I just…need to sort something out in my head.”
As I watched Riku walk away, I sank down onto the grass and closed my hands. I just needed to be alone, now…needed to let the wind rush over me and the sun beat down on me. Not even the sound of heavy footsteps made me open my eyes. The hand on my shoulder, however, did. I was taken aback by the sight of blue hair. “I know you don’t like me, Haru, but don’t take it out on Gildas. I-” I stopped him there. “Zexion, it’s not you I don’t like. It’s Gildas – and if anything, I’m taking it out on you.” Zexion looked confused. “Look, I know that I don’t deserve him and Riku and you…but it just hurts that he’s ditched me like this.”
“Aw, that’s not it! He hasn’t ditched you; he wouldn’t stop talking about you since I met him.” I raised one eyebrow – a practised art. “Okay, maybe he hasn’t talked about you non-stop, but I know you’ve been on his mind all this time. He missed you so much. And he obviously cares about you – he could have left you hanging in that tree, or given up when he couldn’t get you down right away. You mean a lot to him, being his mate and all.” When I didn’t look consoled, he pulled me into a hug. Wow, I was getting a lot of hugs today. I hugged him back. “Thank god you’ve shut up,” I laughed.
I saw Haru and Zexion hugging. A pang of jealousy hit, and I quickly brushed it off. Haru had just... and then Sha’dak... of course she needed a hug, and a hug from Zexion would ease her mind, it always eased mine. Haru came over. “Gildas I... I’m sorry... I thought you didn’t want me anymore... and,” She said, “That you’d be better off without me...” I decided she’d had enough hugs, so I held her hand. “If you wen...went, Haru... I’d be s.. so s.. so sad. But I d... do owe you som.. something. Than... thanks to you I c... ca... can talk again, and I l...learnt something else. W... Watch.”
I closed my eyes. Brought my arm back. Threw it forward, pointing at the fire. Nothing. Two seconds later, a few icicles erupted from my hand and made the flame die down a little. I looked sheepishly back at Haru. “I nee... need to pra.. practise but I’ve g..got the hang of it.” Now it was her turn to hug me. “That was so cool! And you didn’t say a thing! Imagine the possibilities!” Zexion was on a nearby log, my book on his lap. I blushed, thinking of what he could be reading, before I noticed what was in his hand. An eraser?
I left Haru standing there. “One m...moment.” Walked over to Zexion. “Z..ze...Zexion, what are you d..doing?” I asked, ruffling his hair. “Well I wanted to help you, so I thought I’d try and get rid of some ink. Of course, an eraser’s made for pencil lead but... I thought it worth a try.” He looked down. “Guess I’m not really helping you... It’s my fault Haru was mad at you.” I kissed his forehead. “Nothing was y...your fault. It was t..totally mine.” Zexion kissed me back. “You know,” He said, “Someday you’ve gotta tell me about The Great Underwear Incident of 2006...” He giggled. I slapped his arm gently. “J..just because you can read m..my memories, doesn’t mean y..you have the r..right to tease me!”
By midday, our stomachs were full and our legs ready for another journey. Haru didn’t want to be a tag-along, but everyone convinced her that she was both a wanted and needed member of the party. Her magic was amazing. I’d always been jealous of her, and now was the time to say. She blushed, and hugged me. We soon decided that, out of everything we needed to do, I was the weakest member (out of total potential) and we needed to get another Aeon for me. “I’ve got I..Ice, Fire, W..Water and Wind. L...Lightning makes most sense. R…Ramuh lives in a tower not t...too far from here.”
And so we were off, for the old, broken, dilapidated remains of Hollow Bastion.
Even though we were now down two members, our party didn’t seem to notice that much. Of course we were sad that Axel and Sha’dak had died, but we were just as joyful as we walked down the road. Namine came with us, too. It was nice to be friends with Gildas again, even if I still wasn’t totally sure about him. And of course it was nice to be next to Riku. I was so happy; I wanted to shout and skip and sing and god knows what else. L had taken to holding Sha’dak’s bottle all the time. I felt guilty, but…well; I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault; that I hadn’t asked him to save me. Of course, it didn’t work. But it was hard to be depressed when the sky was blue and I was with people who really mattered to me.
I felt closer to Zexion now, too, since we had spoken so many times over the last few days. What was it? Bonded by grief or something? But I was able to joke with him and talk to him, the same way I did with Gildas and Riku. Even though Gildas had said it wasn’t far, there was no way we were going to reach Hollow Bastion today, and so we decided we should set up camp soon. We could see the tower from where we were, rising up and blocking out the sunlight. We figured we would rest there tonight so we could get Ramuh in the early morning and carry on with our journey for the rest of the day.
It wasn’t quite dark, but it was hard to tell exactly because of the immense tower that was blocking much of the light out. We got a fire started and grouped around it, munching on toasted marshmallows and warm chocolate fudge cake. It wasn’t a proper dinner, really, but we were all having too much fun to care. Namine ate a lot, surprisingly, because she had never had marshmallows or cake before. We were all stunned into silence when she told us, and she giggled a little uncomfortably.
We just spent the night discussing anything that popped into our head. Somehow, we got started on the most embarrassing moment of our lives. Gildas had to take a while to consider it. “I don’t suppose it would be the Great Underwear Incident of 2006, would it?” teased Zexion. Gildas blushed violently and hit him gently, while I recalled the story and burst into laughter. Eventually, it got really dark, and Namine, Sora and L went to sleep. Gildas accidentally fell asleep not long afterwards, sitting up against a tree by the fire. Soon, Riku followed suit and slumped back from his sitting position and sprawled out on the grass. So now it was just me and Zexion who were awake. He was reading Gildas’s book, and I was just sitting there, holding my knees. I went to pick up a stick to stoke the fire, but I just used Fire instead.
“Gildas was right, you know; you are a really good black mage.” I looked up, startled. Zexion had pulled his nose out of Gildas’s memories and was looking at me. I laughed and shook my head. “I’m really not, you know. I can’t do anything special, because…well, I’m no-one special.” Zexion sighed, put down his book, and crawled over to me, too lazy to stand up. “Get out of it. You really believe that, don’t you? You really think that you aren’t important; I can see it in your eyes. Well, you are important, you do matter! You mean so much to Riku, Gildas, Namine…and me.” I simply looked at him. And then, somehow, we were kissing.
We both pulled away as quickly as we could. “What? I’m, in love with-” and “Riku, I don’t want-” Our words were getting jumbled up, and we stumbled over each other’s voices. Who had kissed who, and why? We wouldn’t ever know, but we did know that nobody could ever find out. It could ruin me and Riku, and Gildas and Zexion. He scuttled over to the other side of the fire, under the tree with Gildas, while I grabbed a stick and poked the fire at random. But something didn’t feel right…it felt like somebody had been watching…but who?
I felt Zexion touch my leg, his head resting against me. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to jump away, screaming about how much he’d hurt me. I wanted to push Haru right into that godforsaken fire, and run until the Earth stopped turning. But I couldn’t. I was asleep, that’s for sure. I can’t act that well. But with my senses heightened, I knew that those two got close, then there was an immense tension, followed by... shame? Embarrassment? One of the two. Something had happened between them in a split second, and both felt guilty for it. And I had a darned good idea what.
Everyone got up the next morning, and we continued our march. Zexion and Haru on opposite ends, holding my, and Riku’s, hands respectively. I wanted to squirm away from the hand... and before I could help myself, tears came to my eyes. Zexion was looking the other way, but he always knew how I was feeling. He let go of my hand. Naminé, who was walking next to me noticed, but thankfully she decided not to say anything. She really could read memories. Zexion got out a book, started studying as we walked. No-one could see the title. Only I knew it was my book. And in the 184th page, I could feel the new ink, shining a bright crimson, spitting out hate and destruction. It was only a matter of time before he found out that page.
We all reached the lone tower that was Hollow Bastion. They say it used to be a huge city, but now this was all that remained. There was no way I was climbing the entire thing. “S..stay here.” I told everyone, and began inwardly casting a summon spell. The wind whipped about my feet, and twisted like a tornado, with me standing at the top. It shouldn’t have been so strong, I nearly missed the top floor window, but I couldn’t help it. I was distraught. I jumped (not too gracefully) into the window, and noticed I was in a throne room. To me left, the long room spanned out, a long, royal carpet flowing through the centre, and to my right, an old man sat on a golden throne. “Ramuh.” I said.
The old man turned his head. “You called, young one?” He asked. His voice was gentle, kind. I walked forward, knelt before his throne. “Y...your majesty. I come b..before you to humbly a...ask your assistance.” He was very patient. Didn’t mind my stutter. “And what is it you seek, young one? Do you seek power?” I nodded. No, wait. Shook my head. “My l..lord. I do seek your p...power, yes, but not f...for malevolent reasons. M..my friends are in danger, I can f...feel it in my bones. I n..need the element of L...Lightning to complete my q...quest.”
He chuckled slightly. “And what quest would that be, Oh Gallant Summoner?” I racked my brain. I couldn’t lie... not to a king. “My q..quest... To find out w...who is causing the p...pain I feel. W...who is setting up t...these traps, and who is m...making my friends do things a...against their will.” Another chuckle. “What have they done, young one?” “My o...old friend Haru, she t...tried to hang herself, m...my lord. And l...last night, she and m...my boyfriend d...did something, a k...kiss maybe, b...but the guilt is plain on t...their faces.”
“How, may I ask, do you know this was not their own will? How do you know that they kissed without wanting to?” I couldn’t hide the look on my face. I was crestfallen. I was enraged. I was full of sorrow. “I d...don’t know, that is, I’m n..not sure... It’s l...like an instinct, I can t..tell their emotions. I can f...feel the guilt in the wind, the s...shock in their footsteps. I j...just know.” He looked down at me. Smiled. Stood up. “That, young Summoner, is the correct answer.” He vanished. Lightning crackled at my fingertips. Ramuh... Ramuh had come with me. But I had only said an uncertainty. He had replied, with a sure voice, and inquired as to how I knew they had kissed. I’d only said they might have... Ramuh... Ramuh knew.
I knew this would scare the others, and it scared me. I had not alternative, however, and had to rely on my powers. I turned to the window. Ran. Leapt out. I was at least five hundred feet up. (Disintegration.) A small gust of wind blew me up. Not strong enough. (Disintegration!) Wind blew me down, increased my descent. I wasn’t concentrating. I sped towards to ground, like a gaping mouth waiting for me to drop down far enough to swallow me whole. (Please, Typhoon, DISINTEGRATION!) A small whirlwind appeared above the ground, and as it hit it I slowed down, but not enough. I hit the ground with a thud. Crack. Pain. Crying. Blood. Zexion. Haru. Together, holding my hands. They sickened me. I felt like I was dying... and it was they who came to my side.
L ran over. “Get out of the way!” He pushed them aside. “Cura.” Pain receded. “Curaga!” Flash. Pain almost gone. My ribs and spine mending quick. My legs, totally healed. Arms, nearly perfect. I pushed myself up, unsteadily. Zexion and Haru grabbed an arm each. “NO!” I screamed, shaking them off. They looked at me, stunned. Zexion walked forward, touched my cheek. (Diamond Dust.) His arm became encased in ice. He was shocked. I walked away, everyone confused but me, him and Haru. After a few paces, I stopped. Turned. I knew that Haru, who was closest, could see the darkness in my eyes. I was no longer possessed. But that didn’t mean the darkness was gone.
“How DARE You? How dare you two go behind my back, how DARE you? My best friend and my boyfriend, what a smashing couple!” Riku stepped forward, confused. “Oh yes Riku, that’s right. Last night. Everyone asleep but them. A night under the stars, how romantic. And yes, Riku, I’m thinking the same thing: Those were my memories. My special moments. And they took them away, shredded them up over a filthy, stinking KISS!” Zexion was beginning to cry, his half-frozen arm by his side. “Gildas, I... we...” “You didn’t think I’d find out, did you? You of all people, my little ‘Zexy’, should know what happens when a person becomes encrypted in pages! Their talents increase, allowing me to use powers without talking, but that’s not all, Oh no!”
“Not only that, all of their senses are heightened, I figured that one out straight away!” I continued, shouting as loud as I could. I could feel the summons quaking inside of me. “I could hear what you said. I could feel the tension in the air. I know you did something. And guess what? Ramuh confirmed that! Good king Ramuh, locked away in his castle. Even HE knew what you two did! Even he knew that you had kissed, and he could see the pain it’d caused me! He cared, but you two obviously don’t!” Haru began to speak. “Shut up!” I commanded. “Just shut UP! I don’t want to hear another word out of that sick mouth of yours! You were my best friend... But you’ve thrown that all away!”
I looked back to Zexion. He was crying. “You broke my heart.” Those words pierced him like a knife, he visibly cringed. “I swear it. You broke my heart, both of you did. You, and Haru too. I’m leaving. I’ll find the final two summons. And I’ll track you down.”
“You broke my heart, Zexion. Someday, someday soon... I’ll break yours.”
