It had been a long tunnel this time. Mario had been shifting through it for a long while. He'd been in there for what seemed like forever. It was dark and damp. It had been a while since he'd heard Luigi yelling for him. His name had echoed throug...
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I just can't get a break, can I? Now they think my grandmother has a blockage in her leg. It's great. I mean, everything is falling apart in this place. It's wonderful. I can't take much more. I feel like breaking down.
I think it's time I came out about something. Something that has been bothering me for a while. I'm overwhelmed. Not just with school, with everything. Things might not be a big deal to you, but they are to me.
This past week my mommy had a mild heart attack. I'm worried about her. I'm not home with her. I'm away to college, and so, I can't be there with her. So, it's really been stressing me out. This is piled on top of my new class work load. Each and every day I have new assignments. So much work that I'm studying pretty much from the time class lets out until 1-4 in the morning. That's not the problem here today, though. None of it is.
I love talking to you all. I love listening to you all tell me what is going on in your life. I have came to a breaking point, though. Many of you come to me with you're problems, but I don't have it in me to help anymore. I want to help. I want to be able to say something to all of you that will make anything and everything better, but I can't do it any more. Trying to solve all of your problems and dealing with my own at the moment, it's too much. I want to help, but I can't handle any more. It's gotten to be much too stressful. Many of you come to me as a confidant. You tell me the things that you want me to share. Things that you don't tell others. And, there are quite a few that do this. Don't think that you're bothering me, because you're not. It's just came to a point to where I can't handle any more. The love stories, the failure, I can't deal with them anymore. A lot of you come to me with relationship problems. I give you the best advice I can, but, like I said, I've reach my breaking point. I want to help. I want to be able to give you the best advice possible, but I can't. It's too much. I can't do it anymore. I can't take on the worlds problems and my own. I'm just one woman. I don't have the strength. I'm starting to get sick again from the stress. I really can't deal with any more. It's nothing against any of you. I really do want to help. I really want to listen, but when you all come to me with your problems, you make it my problem too, and I want more than anything to help you all. I want to be able to make a difference in it for you. It's become too much, though.
So, I'm going to make a request. Those of you that come to me when something is bothering you: if something is bothering you,take a moment, and think it through. Don't rush into anything. Think about what will make you happiest. Don't discourage yourselves, and talk to someone. I may not be able to help for now, but there are others. Moirwinvail(Paul), 7thEvaChild, and others I probably don't know. I want to help. I want to help more than you could possibly imagine, but it's too much for me to deal with. It's starting to make me sick again. Stress does that. I try to take on all your problems and make things better for you all, but I can't. Only you all can make a difference in your own life. I'm sorry to everyone. I'm so so so sorry. You have no idea how hard this is for me. I want to do something for you all, but I'm not able to anymore. I'm sorry. I'm really and truly sorry. I wish I could be there for you all for everything, but I don't have the strength. I really wish I did.
I'm tired. I'm over whelmed. I just got a curriculum plan for my life. It's going to take me 3 years to graduate, and honestly, I don't know if I can do it. I have to take French or Spanish, which my university doesn't offer but on special occasions. I need to take a crap load of education classes, all of which I have to drive to high schools and survey. Great, right? I knew I was going to have to do this, but hell... I don't have my drivers license. This is where things start getting difficult. *sigh* I just have to keep telling myself, "I can do this, I can do this." No, I can't. D: I have to retake the ACT, AGAIN! This is ridiculous. I'm beginning to wonder if I wouldn't be better flipping burgers. *sigh* I really wont do anything like that, I'm just tired and stressed out.
College is hard. People don't realize how hard. Parents don't make it better when they don't understand and think that they do. It makes it really hard when you're trying to better yourself and go to school to make a living, and they start telling you all this advice that they know nothing about. I'm getting sick again, too. I'm nauseous. I can barely eat, and my side is starting to hurt again. I feel really sick. I don't know what I'm going to do. *sigh*
Maybe I should have taken a semester off. *sigh*
Well, I'm completely swamped in homework, and yet I still find time to get on theO. Rather, I procrastinate my work and sign in and talk to people, etc. I got to talk to my love for the first time yesterday. That was awesome. As many of you know, I'm dating Paul (Moirwinvail to you). He's awesome. I love his voice. Now, why am I telling all of you this? Because it's interesting, and you all enjoy watching me rant about my boyfriend. :P
We've been dating going on three months now, and, honestly, I can say I do love him. Feels good to be able to say that after all the time I spent moping around thinking I was unlovable. Yes, and for those of you who know me, pre-Paul, you know, I did sometimes. lol. He makes me happy. He makes me feel wonderful. I feel confident with him, and I love him. That's something I never thought I'd have, but I do. So, I'm a happy lady.
On another note, and a more sad note at that, I lost two subscribers today.
That's so mean. I don't unsubscribe anyone, even if I disliked them at a certain time and a certain person, whom I still dislike, and I didn't unsubscribe from, and they deserved it. :( Oh well.
I will be going home this week end and that means destination procrastination. 
Less work more play. Keeps Amanda from going insane.
