~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
~Welcome to where I spill my heart out~
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
Please enjoy my poems and comment if you wish. All feedback is appreciated and valued.
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
Sometimes life throws hard times at us. At those times, we must never forget who we are and what we strive for. Never forget your dreams.
~Razi-chan
Well, here we go again, you went and forgot it again
You remember the pain from way back when
Oh, what difference does it make when it’s right here, right now?
When it’s just the same as it was back then?
The happiness you once had a hold of, the thing that settled your heart
You thought you lost it, but it was always there to begin with, always waiting inside of you
All you had to do was start, even if it’s from your world you must depart
Though it doesn’t really matter what you say or what you do
Here we go again; you remember that pain from way back when
Why must you stab yourself in the back?
When you just found the happiness that completes you?
I think you should take a breath, maybe take a step back
Take the view from a new perspective
Take a look around, at all the wonderful things you’ve got
But of yourself, your feelings and emotions, you’re overprotective
Just let yourself go, don’t worry, you won’t be in this tight spot for long
Oh, here we again, just remember
That life gets worse before it gets better
Don’t forget that happiness; don’t remind yourself of the pain
It’s time for a new era of lasting happiness to finally reign
You've never felt true agony
Until your own heart abandons you
I've thought once before, I need only me
But no one else seems to agree
My heart has been my own personal hell,
My mind has been taken over by it, the logic no longer there
I'm constantly losing, constantly beating myself up
Though when asked, I simply tell people I've been well
It's a day-to-day struggle, these conflicting absolutes and thoughts
You won't believe, some of the battles I have fought
All the while on my own, with no one to guide me
If only that you could see, oh how relieved I would be
I cannot give in, though for years I've felt like doing so
I always say "I cannot," Or "I don't know,"
If only you could see, how tormented I can be
By my own thoughts that make me cry, oh how it disgusts me
My heart's been infected like this for years
By this straining agony- this thorn in my heart, and I still wonder how...
For all of these years, I've continued to try and stop the flowing tears
But one after another, the walls I have built, are drowning now
Like dominoes they fall, giving that pitiful effect
Reminding me each time, of that inflicting agony
That pain in my heart, which makes me feel like a defect
Has resided within me for far too long
You never know true agony
Until you're truly alone, fighting your demons,
And no one else can see the truth, blinded by the false 'truth' of reality
No, you cannot console, this painfully true, agony
I may seem childish and naive to others around me
When in truth, I may be more aware of it then they are
Of what true agony feels like, why can't they see?
I've fallen too deeply, into my own shadow!
I have been fighting, this darkness, and for this long, I have been alone...
All this time, I've fought for seemingly an eternity, with my own lost soul!
Only to be faced with more hardships, more relentless jokes in front of me
My loved ones I know, they can't even see, this true agony...
For months now, I've been walking through
A deeply colored atmosphere of blue
I'm now going through the rain
Although I can't really complain
This descending feeling of emotions
Is blurring all of others motions
I can no longer wish to see reality
Yet I plainly see the real actuality
For months now, I've been walking through the rain
I'm going through a deeper shade of blue now
The blue turns to shades of gray, oh how
Could I have seen this coming, it's just inevitable pain
I no longer know how to avoid it, now matter what I try
I end up, giving up, and simply wanting to cry
The truth of reality stabs me in my heart
For years now, it's been tearing me apart
I have to get out now, I hope it is soon, I pray
But how can I, when the once blue sky
Has turned to a deeper shade of gray
Lately, all I want to do is cry...
But now I'm walking through a deeper shade of gray
The colors are blending together, no longer having a meaning
Is this how far I've really strayed
From the intended path I wanted to take, but I'm no longer seeing
I wish I could see that blue sky once again
I'm sure I thought I'd never miss it, way back then
But things chance once reality starts kicking in
It shredded apart the once blue sky, tore down my aching heart, in the end
Deep inside my world, rain relentlessly pours down
Nobody knows, or do they even care?
It feels like all I can do is blind myself and frown
I cannot find the strength to carry on, oh how it's no longer fair
That my sky is painted a deep cool gray
And the rain just keeps on falling forever
And all he light, is swallowed by the dark
There’s nothing I can say to change, it never seems to get better
I feel all these things, yet I have no words
That would fill the endless void, which has no center
The rain has flooded my mind, destroyed all my precious worlds
The rain has sent me to asunder, and smoldered to a useless blunder
Relentless rain keeps on pouring, it never seems to end
Yet I’m still unsure, of the message I am trying to send
My mind has been drowned and is no longer here
I have no more confidence; my pride will no longer mend it
Deep inside my world, rain relentlessly pours down
Nobody knows anything, or do they even care?
It feels like all I can do is blind myself and frown
I cannot find the strength to carry on, oh how it isn’t fair
How does one find the so-called happiness?
Of which keeps them going, and looking forward in life
I cannot see how, I’m blinded and defeated by my own sadness
Reality is such a harsh thing, everything lost, despite all my strife
My sky is still that depressing color of gray
The sun seems to have disappeared
Has it always been like this,
must everything I believe in have to decay?
I’m drowning in my once precious world
Will anyone throw the life preserver
That I so desperately need?
I’m drowning in myself, my pride no longer keeps me afloat
I feel all these things, yet I have no words
That would fill the endless void, which has no center
The rain has flooded my mind, destroyed all my precious worlds
It has sent me to asunder, and smoldered to a useless blunder
This relentless rain…
Leaning forward, I’m always sitting at the edge of my seat
While looking through a paper thin screen
I caught a glimpse of my self-confidence,
Though at the time, I had no idea what it could mean
Sometimes the knowledge can hinder you
Others, it can make you realize the ‘old you’ that you once overthrew
The past ‘you’ that you once forgotten is now completely erased
But are you ready to embrace the future, which is in turn ready to be traced?
Life can throw so many things to you all at once, it can be so overwhelming
But you are expected to not let a single thing faze you
My dear, that look of despair never suited you, it was never even becoming
And when you turn around, that life could easily crumble, only because of what you do
This is why you’ll never lose yourself again
You vow to never lose sight of your new-found self-confidence
But this is how you should have been, ever since it began
So you once again turn to that paper thin screen, only for some reassurance
Leaning forward, I’m always sitting at the edge of my seat
While looking through a paper thin screen
I caught a glimpse of my self-confidence,
Though at the time, I had no idea what it could mean
That meaning, when I knew it, I thought I’d never lose sight
But while trapped in my own fantasies, I’d forgotten it all
Only to later stumble back onto the beaten path,
I wonder how long I was stuck in that seemingly eternal plight
The time went by, oh so quickly
It finally gave me the chance to see
What I was doing wrong, what I wasn’t thinking
It was because my own lack of self-confidence had blinded me
Instead of sitting, I am now running forward, I’m no longer going to run away
I’ve found the purpose for my existence, my reason to live every day
I now know that paper thin screen, was only a false illusion
And now I know, I can do anything I choose, as long as I stay on that beaten path
Memories shouldn’t stop you from being who you are
That’s simply how it is, and always has been
Remember this and it will get you far
Confidence will always find you again; all you have to do is simply begin
