- Created By Oni Chu
The Emotional Rollercoaster.
It's been a while hasn't it?
Well, my dads done it again, he's taken away the internet from me, so I'm sorry for not visiting and commenting you guys.
I'm not sure as to say if this is bad news or good news? Or maybe even a little bit of both.
On Friday, for the first time in almost a month, I ran into Nick.
We were in L2 in China Town and in walks Nick, I spot him, he spots me and walks out the door. My friends Quan and Mitsuki run after him, trying to pull him back inside. They tell him to talk to me. They pull me up from my seat..awkwardness. The pure essence of love and abuse fulls my mind. A certain stiffness between us both, then it brakes in a long awaited embrace.
His hug, was long, filled with guilt terror and warmth. All he could say was "I'm sorry" or "Are you Okay?". We talked outside, it wasnt easy, Quan had to ask both of us questions to answer so that we would talk. Nick broke up with Myraii, he says it's because she was controlling his life. Then He also said because he cheated on her too, he can't look me in the eye when he says that..
He's getting a load of peircings, Monroe, and nipple peircings.. (ew.) & he's working at a hobby shop. So I guess he's ok. It's awkward silence again, so we hug again. He asks if we can talk inside so we go.
I go to the washroom, I'm confused.
So many missing peices. I come out, he asks Quan if he wants to come with him to an anime screening. Quan refuses. He says bye, and hugs me for a long time for the last time. He plays with my hair a bit, asks me if I'm okay. Then he just holds me, looks at me and I look away, because everything felt so right, but so wrong, I wanted to kiss him. Whenever he held me like that we did. But it's not the same anymore, I can't do that. I can't hold his hand, and he won't whisper "I love you."
After that, we hug again and he tells me to take care.
Then he's gone..
I'm sad.
Will I ever see him again? I hope so. I love him still..even after all he's done, and I don't know how he feels about any of this still and it upsets me.
I don't cry anymore, I'm always on the verge of it though.
What is going to happen..I dont' know, but if I could I would take him back. My heart is ready. My head is still fighting.
What do I do ?
The worst has come..he cheated on me, but I love him..
I am so heartbroken..I really am, I love him so much and I can't believe this is happening. Monday morning. My friends Christina and Quan pull me away from everyone else, to tell me that Nick is breaking up with me, Christina huge me for comfort and Quan tells me why as I question it.
Quan wasn't suppose to tell me but he knew it is important to me. When Nick was up in Quebec City, he stayed at a friends house and met Myrai. She was needless to say, absolutely horny, and started touching him etc and they ended up having sex multiple times...
When Nick came back to Montreal, and saw me he felt horrible that he did that and so told Quan and Christina to end it, and that he "couldn't do this to me anymore".. Quan met up with Nick on Saturday, and started questioning him, Nick broke down and just kept on saying over and over again that He loves me and misses me like crazy and that he wants me back because everything was so perfect between us and he feels so stupid and he keeps on beating himself up for doing what he did..
So now hes going out with myrai...because they had sex. But he still loves and misses me like mad...I don't know what to do or feel.
My heart is forgiving and would take him back in a heartbeat if he wanted to, but my head says no, don't get hurt again.
I miss him..I really do. I love him, I need him, I forgive him.
I want him to be happy.
Inactive Heart . Stops it's Beating...
Hey you guys,
I just wanted to thank you for the lovely comments ♥ I really appreciate each and every one deeply. I've been going through a lot lately, so my heart has been aching and won't stop. I'm confused, hurt, depressed and I don't know what to do. Last Sunday was the last time I saw and spoke to Nick, and I'm so terribly afraid that it might be over...
Everything seemed okay, he always said "I love you", he'd kiss me, he'd hold me, he held my hand I don't know where it all went wrong. We were out all night, before we went our separate ways He kissed me goodnight and made the heart symbol with his hands. Good night, Ily ♥...or so I thought.
The next day, I sign onto MSN and his personal message reads: "Je t'aime Myrai (L)" (I love you Myrai (L)) I was confused and hurt. Is he cheating on me? Is this his way of telling me it's over? Or is it something I really shouldn't worry about? Either way I didn't have the heart to ask him about myself. So instead I asked my friend Dani to inquire about it but not to make it so obvious, so she spoke to him, made random conversation then she asked. She just came here from Australia so her French is weak, so she starts off saying "About your PM, Je means I right :D ?" Nick responds to this with "Yes" so she continues, acting stupid she's like "So what does the rest mean :/ ?" then Nick goes "Secret :P" as soon as she tells me, I discover her had blocked me. So I'm even more confused and hurt.
I don't know what to do, I've tried for days to get in contact with him, I always have that little hope in my heart that he'll unblock me, I want to talk to him, find out whats going on with everything. I would call him, at his dads house but I don;t think I can find the exact words..besides I'm still grounded and can't use the phone. It's just so strange though, everything seemed all good..he even introduced me to his brother that day, his parents know about me and...I'm so lost and broken.
A couple days after, I was admitted into the hospital so they can run tests on me, I was treated like a suicide patient..I'll explain that in more detail later..right now, this issue with Nick is the one that bugs me most.
I've had tried almost everything, I'm always online in case by any chance he would talk to me, I leave him off line messages, that probably won't get to him because I'm blocked. I wrote him a letter that my friend was suppose to give to him because I had to stay at the hospital for 2 days and couldn't give it to him, he never showed when he said he would. I try and try, and it's frustrating because I care and love him so much and it hurts. Like, even if he's cheating on me/ ending it, I'd expect him to say it to my face. I can respect him that way, I want him to explain everything to me.
Well that's it for me, I'm getting ready to go out. I was suppose to meet Nick today to work things out, but I never got in contact with him.
Bye..
Breakdown.
Awh. Thanks you guys, I really enjoyed those comments! I never would of thought I'd get that much (or at at all) since I've been gone so long.
Well I'd like to take this time to explain what exactly is going on with me, my last post was cut short due to my lack of a better mood. I'm feeling somewhat better, but rather lazy XD I can never win. Ever. Anyhow, the reason I am grounded is this; I didn't come home. Period. I was out after school one day with Quan and we were to meet with Mitsuki, and Nick. We had a fun time, Bubble tea and whatnot, but then we decided to go hang out to the huge water fountain and these guys came up to us telling us to empty our pockets. Nick held out his cell phone, while Quan refused, and in return he received a beating. I stayed close to Nick, and they took his cell phone. About a minute after that a car pulled up and Nick ran up to it and told the man that we just got mugged and pointed to the two guys and they ran off. Nick and Quan ran off to chase after them, while I stayed with Mitsuki and the other girls (Axelle, Yuki <- there nick names don't know there actual names to be honest o_O Nicks friends.) We called the police and waited for them to arrive. We were all really shaky, but surprisingly enough, I wasn't too bad. Maybe it's because it's the second time in my life that I've been mugged?
I was really worried about Nick and Quan running off like that, so Axelle came with me to look for them while the others stayed and waited for the cops. We found Quan, his mouth bleeding from the beating he received earlier, I quickly asked him where Nick was, and he said he didn't know, which made my heart sink. I was so worried and everything. Ah, my laziness is getting the better or me. Long story short. We were all really shaken, so Axelle offered to let us all sleep over at her house, I called, explained to my dad. He said he was coming to pick me up, but I was afraid of letting him meet Nick so we all just left. If he met Nick, I would of been embarrassed. Personal reasons really..I'm very insecure.
Well, I had an amazing night at Axelles regardless of me getting in a load of trouble, I shared a room and bed with Nick. No, we didn't do anything sexual like that, but it was just so nice to be able to snuggle up to him, and fall asleep in his arms while he plays with my hair and brushes light kisses on my forehead <insert gush here> ♥ haha. Sorry to gush. The next morning was our one month anniversary! That was great to wake up to also, wake up to the one you love most. Anyways, when I got home I was in a load of shit as you can imagine...So basically, I can't go out at all this year, my parents have 0 trust in me, and if I don't change I'll be shipped off to Alberta, which as my dad says "will end your relationship with nick". That hurt so much to hear. So I've been trying my best to improve in school. Just for him.
Speaking of Nick, he's in a really bad state at the moment. He got kicked out of school and his apartment so he's living with his dad; I worry so much about him. I do.
I'm going to see him Saturday
Well, I'm going to end this post and hopefully get comments like my previous post ;)
Love you all!
Today is Nick's 17th Birthday btw ♥
The Drama of Life;;
So, I haven't been active a while. Sorry you guys, I'm grounded. I'm not even suppose to be on right now, I'm sneaking on.
A lot of drama. Thats my life. One with over dramatic Drama...My group of friend are separated over things that are so trivial and stupid and to be honest it's driving me insane and I want it to end. I don't want to have to be forced to pick sides and divide like we have already done.
It's just too much. Quan says Nick is..ah nevermind it hurts and is confusing.
So have you guys been. I'm interested to know.
