- Created By Chel the Bell
A post about terribly important things
that aren't actually that terribly important. In other words just me rambling on about things I feel like rambling on about. I'm in one of those thinking moods~
I've suddenly realized there isn't any music that I love with all my heart, or hate with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. And this saddens me. I feel like I'm turning into a terribly boring person. The kind of person who says "terribly" a lot. But it's true. I mean music is huge for me, but not that huge. Like I enjoy it, and I think part of me needs it, but then I think of people who are really obsessed with music. How it's all they have. All they can do is eat, dream, and breathe music. And I get jealous. I mean is there anything I'm obsessed with? Anything at all? I can't think of anything. There's things I like to do, but nothing that I obsess with. Even drawing. I mean I love it, but sometimes I think I'm just so god awful I'll just stop. Not that I will, but even that I don't love with all my heart. Sometimes it's just tiring, especially when I think I'm just being repetitive and boring.
But anyway music. I don't particularly like any kind, but I've been thinking about it a lot. I really want to learn the guitar. But what I really want to do is write a song. Even if it's just silly and terrible, I want to do it. And I want lots of clapping in it, because I love songs with clapping in it.
Also I've been feeling a bit low about my weight. Yeah complaining about my weight time! It's really because my mom is organizing photos, and OH GOSH WAS SHE SO BEAUTIFUL~ She was lovely and thin and she was just so pretty. It makes me feel like I'm wasting my youth being so tubby and gross. And I've always been tubby. Like I can't stand looking at my pictures because I just look tubby and gross. But when I was like really young (Like baby-5) I was SO FRICKIN' ADORABLE. Srsly I gave the Gerber baby a run for it's money. So frickin' cute. But then I got tubby and gross and it's such a waste of my youth~ And I use to wear dresses and I can't anymore because they don't fit and look gross anyway. AND SOBSOB I know it's my fault but still~ And I keep telling myself "You'll do it, you'll lose the weight! You don't have to be a stick but small enough to fit into a cute dress! You can do it. We'll do it the summer don't worry" and that's what worries me. That I keep putting it off "We'll do it in the summer! In a couple of weeks we'll start! Now not a good time you're busy! You need time to plan and stuff" and it goes on and it's all lies and I get very upset with myself. ALSO delusional brain doesn't even realize it's tubby. It's all like 'What are you talking about you are a gorgeous twig!',and I can't over come that. FFFF DOOMED TO BE A TUBBY FOREVER! (LOL sorry, this is sucha stupid thing to whine about but whatever)...
No it's not stupid. It's a serious issue. I dislike how people feel sorry for like Anorexics and Bulimics, but if you over-weight it's your own fault. I mean I admit I'm fat because I'm lazy and eat unhealthly, but it's also a mental problem that I'm facing. I mean people aren't born Anorexic but people aren't born fatties either (Most of the time). There's rehabs for Anorexics, but besides Biggest Loser I haven't heard of any Fatty rehabs. And isn't like a quarter of America overweight? You'd think this issue would be discussed. But no, if you're fat you just have to deal with it on your own. And GOSH I also hate it when people are like "I'M JUST CURVY AND BEAUTIFUL!" BECAUSE THAT'S JUST AS BAD AS ANOREXICS THINKING THEIR BEAUTIFUL (even though they don't those poor souls). It's just DENIAL ISN'T GOING TO MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL! Say that all you want, but fat is never going to be an acceptable way to look unless you live in a society where it denotes wealth and status. And let's face it, being fat in America is just saying "I eat poorly and can't bother to do things about it" and I'm not saying that that's how all fatties are. Some people are fat for health reason, but even then it's still not okay because then it's because you're sick or something, right? And hey I'm fine with this. I actually don't mind people judging on looks, because we all have different taste or whatever, but I'm just saying it's like this... Just be normal. Don't be so thin we can see your bones (that's pretty gross bro), but don't be so fat we can't see around you (that's just as gross). BUT YEAH I DUNNO. I really think we need to address the eating disorders we have in America including over-eating.
FEH I've got to go do German homework and stuff...
Think for Yourself
I am beyond ticked off. I'm absolutely enraged. And It's my own fault. I'm enraged at myself and my pansy attitude. I'm all "I don't want to go to school because I can't realte to anyone *whine whine*" Now I'm all 'SUCK IT UP YOU WHINEY FACE WHINE...End
