Just rambling on about art, being an artist and other shizzzz...
Since everything that happened 4 months ago, art is probably one of the hardest yet most desired things I want to put my time and focus on. However, I can't seem to get out of this chronic rut, or this really slow sluggish feeling of it becoming my thing. I pushed it out of my life onto the back burner in hopes that I can rescue my family from their own bullshit, and I paid a heavy price for it because they are still alcoholics with issues that I could never fix.
I'm honestly very resentful to them still in that aspect (and probably more) because drawing and art WAS MY THANG. I loved it and put a lot of time and energy in it, and I know that my path to "success" (which I feel I never achieved on any scale to be honest) was very much forge in struggle and trying to be someone I'm not, but I can't help but to desire that again. To be so ingrained in my art, to improve and to feel like "this is my thing and I'm going to work it even if it kills me," I had serious grit. But now...NNOOWWWW, it's like I'm afraid to hold the damn pencil because I feel so disconnected to it and myself as an artist, and god I'm looking at all these amazing artists and feeling like shit because I haven't drew all that consistently in YEARS. I'm thinking "what if I didn't stop drawing as much, I would be much better" and all this extra stuff that doesn't even matter. It makes me so angry... SO angry, pissed even.
I guess I'm still feeling anger towards myself for not drawing as much as I would of liked, and even though I've been working on it (my art not my anger) for the last year or two seriously, I feel so lost at it. Like seriously, and it hurts like hell. Should I be the kawaii, everything is big eyed and adorable artist, or go towards something more action/adventure/hard core that I've been really wanting to do. OR should I blend the two or do mostly fan art, but what about my niche? I have to be consistent, and what about my old fans from like the Jurassic that loved my Tokyo Mew Mew stuff and the shit is just crazy... So crazy.
I even tried to make a business out of my art and I just couldn't bring myself to do it... Not that my art was an issue or a problem, but I just don't know what I'm doing as an artist. I'm trying to look for a higher purpose with it and I can't find it. I'm not even sure if that's what I want or need, but I feel like I'm not good enough being where I am or doing what I'm doing as far as art. And I'm so angry and hurt over that, I don't know what to do or where to go from here... I honestly don't
I'm sitting here waiting from some magic experience to happen so that I can really "get on the ball" but it never happens and I know that it's not up to anyone else but me, but I'm honestly feeling very down about it. I'm having a tough time feeling that I'm even deserving of being an artist because I pretty much stopped for way longer than I should...
As the title suggests I made a fan mew after like a million years for V-day. I'm trying to get into the habit in drawing seasonal/holiday pictures. It use to be one of my favorite things to do and so now I'm trying to pick it back up.
With that being said, I was super inspired while browsing DA seeing all the fan mews. I don't know what it is but creating fan mews is one of my top favorite things to draw. Even after like, what... almost 6 years of having my Mew Mew kick slowly died off, I still find it so relaxing to draw. Honestly, it's probably one of the few things I can cox myself into drawing again if I'm running dry or need to pick it back up. So many good memories linked to it I guess and the simplicity of it.
ANYWAY, this is Mew Mocha, or Chocolate Strawberry, or just Chocolate or whatever lol. I made her a wand vs. those instrument theme weapons, though I'll probably change it around since it's a bit clunky and I hate the TMM heart wing design that all the weapons have, it's annoying a fuck to draw lol.
I'm thinking of making a set of super cute themed mews, hell I might just overhaul my "sweets collection" team, because its old and a mess lol.
Enjoy!
I probably need to make a totally different world where I post my WIPs (I just made one for my pixel art Orz) but here is a sketch that I made last night. It's my nightmarenin persona in the NID universe.
I can't remember exactly how nightmarenins work but they do have some type of theme to them so I’m the nightmarenin of good dreams and positivity. I have a very childish personality so I went for the sweet, baby doll look. I know I wanted the eyes to be expressive since I’m all about fun and positivity and wanted eyes to express that. I’m not sure what the color choices will be but I know I want asymmetrical patterns and colors to match again the fun and free spirited theme.
Anyway, enjoy!
Hey everyone!
Yet again another super long time since I posted a life update here. Well since I last updated things have been getting a lot better. At that time I was going through a rough patch but made my way out since.
Anyway, I’ve been getting into pixel art a lot more and once again falling so in love with it. I didn’t realize how much I would love to do it till I started to do it. I even made my first animated pixel a few days ago and I’m so proud of myself. It’s nothing spectacular but none the less haha!
I copied nail polishes by the way for this one since I wanted a warmup.
Today I actually started and made another one of my tablet but it’s pink haha!
I’ve been going back to my artistic roots and trying to find more ways to get out of my own way in it. Lately, I’ve been detaching from all the bullshit that I was holding on to and focusing more on my art and creativity. I see that, all the things I’ve been pursuing isn’t what I need, I miss the days of just drawing, posting it, communicating with other artists, being inspired and channeling that in my work the same day. It makes no sense why I took so long to just come back to this place and just enjoy what I have and have done. Instead, I just went all around the world trying to be this and that, having all these social media sites and trying to make a business out of something that I love. That isn’t joyful to me being so focused in that way, in fact I detested that way of life before being caught up in it.
I wanted that huge success and was so focused in that space I totally missed the point of drawing at all; that I loved it. So now I guess you can say I came full circle as far as what was “missing” in my life, it’s not all the bullshit the media pumps into you like your life isn’t perfect the way it is, it’s simply being passionate and doing what you love. You don’t need all the bells and whistles if you just accept and love where you are no matter what is happening. I got lost in that, I got really lost in that and eventually let go of who I was in my core. But I can say I finally found it again and been making my way back in the last year.
I’m deciding that art is not only the most important thing in my life (since I made that statement like a million times now) but I’m going to really commit to it than all the other bullshit I was doing for like 5 years haha. Like seriously, no more of the all the distractions, delusions and this “I have to be like *insert famous/popular/perfect idol person* it doesn’t exist and quite honestly last year I learned that it’s okay to be who I am on my way to greatness. I don’t have to be anyone but myself to be successful, no matter what that may look like, and I really accepted that and even excited about what my path will look like, my way.
Hey everyone!
Such a super long time since I posted here! A lot has happened since July too, I really have no clue where to start.
Pursuing art full-time again
In the last few months I’ve been realizing how important art has been to me and how it lights up my life in many different ways. In a sense, I feel like my time of pursing business full-time than art was my way of seeing what it’s like on the “other side,” I wanted to see different options and what I can do with them. In that time I learned a lot about myself, mostly stuff that kept me from being myself like overworking myself and placing my happiness on external things.
I also learned that business is a great tool for living your life based on your passion, and I learned skills that only being in business can teach you. Overall, even though I felt like shit about it before, my path, as crazy as it was is a blessing in disguise. Because I drifted away from art for such a long time I learned what it is that does make me thrive as a person.
So long story short, I finally decided to pursue art again full time and it feels good. I’m actually taking steps to follow my real dream to become a game designer!
In fact, I wanted to learn all that I could about game design for about a year till I knew what part of game design I wanted to do, oddly enough I decided to try my hand at pixel art and FELL IN LOVE!
Pixel art and upcoming commissions
As I mentioned in the last paragraph I fell in love with pixel art, something that I really really wanted to do for a long time but thought it was too hard to learn. Come to find out it’s not that hard. I’ve been copying (and editing colors and such in my versions) easy to do pixel designs and got a good handle of it.
There still is a certain learning curve but since following other’s designs it softens that curve. But really, pixel art is super easy to get into and improve on especially if you’re using templates to start. I actually made a few things that I plan to post online. I was also thinking of opening up commissions, both pixel and normal art to start bringing some extra money in.
Funny enough, I planned to not post any art for a year to get myself back into shape since I was so out of practice with art, but I felt that wasn’t the right thing to do lol. So I won’t be doing that and posting my art anyway, so you can expect to see something soon enough haha! In the meantime, I’m going to try to make more personal connections with other artists to get myself back into the swing of things with being in the art community.
This year was such a blessing because I feel a lot more confident to actually hold commissions and put myself out there and connect with other artists!
Also, happy birthday to everyone that had birthday’s while I was gone. Apart of that reason is that I didn’t have internet for about a month in a half. So maybe you’ll see an e-card from me as well.
Anyway, I can talk about so much more but I want to keep it short!
Oh, before I go, would anyone be interested in $10-15 dollar commissions once I open them up? Let me know and what you would like to see as far as offers, I was thinking pixel icons and simple flat colored art.
Okay, that is it, take care!
