Happy 4th everyone!
I hope everyone had a really good holiday. Mines were okay, my mood have been bouncing up and down for the last few days now. Last week I was feeling really optimistic with a lot of small annoyances. But now I’m in-between wanting to crawl into a hole to not be bothered by the world and a some what hopeful outlook about my future. I really want a lot of things to change. In fact I just want a whole new life. My sister and mother have been feeling the same way as well. Me and my sister want to change so much in the house hold but between my pessimistic mom and my iffy dad things happen VERY slowly.
Years of junk needs to be cleaned out. The basement needs to be worked on. Me and my sister’s room needs a total revamp, just everything. But little to nothing happens. With me and my sister trying to start up businesses it’s hard not to get frustrated when you have no room to create or organize anything. I totally had a “mild” freak out (lots of yelling and cussing) last night about when me and my sister was talking about it. Then my mom had the nerve to sit and listen outside the door and eavesdrop. Then a small argument started with my mom when me and my sister was just venting to each other in the first place.
It’s all just screwed up. I thought things were going to change for the better once my dad moved in. but he’s still the same man with a shit loan of promises with NO ACTION WHAT SO EVER TO BACK IT UP. One of the main reasons why I didn’t want him to move in with us. Don’t get me wrong, he does do things (clean, buy food, etc) but when you constantly make promises and don’t go through with them, I gets pissed. Don’t say you’re going to do it if you’re not going to do it. Me and my sister can use so much help so his promises would be very useful but like always nothing happens. NOTHING HAPPENS AND I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT.
This house makes me sick; it makes me sick to no end. Its hard trying to maintain a positive mood when you feel like nothing is happening in your own home. When your mom bitches and moans about everything, dad acts iffy with your mom, and the two people that can really bring change into the house acts as if it was a burden. EVERYTHING IS A BURDEN. Trying to shoot for better for the household is a burden and quite frankly I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I just want to move the hell out of this house and be on my own and feel like I’m really doing something. So I don’t have to deal with my parents and the negativity in the house. It just seems easier to move into a fresh clean place and start over because trying to fix this is near impossible. If I had the room to really do my crafts things would be much easier but I don’t have room at all, no lie. Not to mention there is NO AC IN THE HOUSE. So when it gets 90+ degrees outside (like this whole week coming up) you can’t work on anything because it’s just too hot. The upstairs is like an oven and trying to breath up there is harder. You can really feel the difference. It’s just crazy.
I want to find a job and try to make it out of here but holy moly I just don’t want to go there and I have no faith in that either. I wish I can just make stupid crap and have money thrown into my hands but everything is so fucking hard and nonmoving its retarded. I just don’t want to deal with this anymore. I wish I can really crawl into a hole and be forgotten and be in my dream world forever. A least I can change things there and it won’t take a life time.
I’m sorry guys I just really need to vent. This has been eating at me for a few days now. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. :3 Despite my crappy mood I have mange to comment on my friends entry's and posts.
