Artist issues
Hey everyone, yeah I know it's been almost two months since I had a life update. I'm sorry for that, I guess I needed the time to sort out my feelings, though a lot of good things happened on my time away! The main reason why I haven't updated is because I haven't been drawing as much. I started to pick it back up as you can see in my latest WIP but before then I made a bunch of sketches and then stopped. I was hesitant to draw honestly, and it's a feeling that has been haunting me for a long time. I always felt like I needed to draw perfectly, which is impossible no matter how good a get. That and I'm still in my "draw to post online" mind set so I somewhat draw things that I think people will like, which only has held me back for years really.
Quite frankly, that year or so of my unintended semi-hiatus not only stalemated my progress in drawing but the issues I had in it. So even though I grew a lot in many areas as a person, as an artist, I'm still stuck with the same issues I was dealing with at that time. I always believe that everything happens for a reason and with my improved wisdom about life and what I want to personally do with it, I can better manage the bullshit I still carry as an artist.
One of the biggest issues is that I have to draw (insert whatever), be popular and make money off of my art to be successful. Thinking back, I followed the stream that many artists get caught up in online. Thinking they need to be perfect, draw like so and so, have countless followers to be happy or be validated as an artist or even as a person.
Taking the topic of art out of the spotlight, I learned in recent months that nothing makes me more happy than building something from the ground up. To be so invested in something I want to see that I put meaning in the very thing I'm wanting to create. Whether it's learning Korean (I'll get to that), working on my art, making crafts or tending to my blogs, the intense focus, love and just dedication I have makes me feel rewarded. For once in a very long time I feel like I'm doing everything I can to ensure that I achieve the things I truly want in my life. For years I thought material things and other people's praises was something that meant I got everything I ever wanted, but I was wrong... So wrong.
Once I dug deep in myself and realized I kept myself in a fantasy for around 5 years about what I thought would make me happy, I felt a lot of my world crumble. As well as a powerful reality check and realization of where my true power and success lies in this world. If I want really want something, I have to be willing to focus and take my time with it. I really forgotten how much I enjoyed working towards things in my life. For so long I wanted the faster way, the shortcuts and the perfect processes to take me where I wanted to go. I'm not saying I regret all my choices that I've ever made or I even made the wrong choices, but I now see that the person I really am takes her time with life. I thought that if I have these small petty things that my life would be complete, but I will never be "done" with life. I will always want something else and something more and that's perfectly fine. Trying to skip out on the natural order of things however is not only the surest way to fail over and over again but to feel that you're not good enough when that's a lie too.
Haha, I guess what I'm trying to say is that being an artist started with me and should always end with me. Not just with outside things making me happy but the fact I make myself happy because I AM an artist and I'm always creating. Not trying to get popular, have faultless pictures or some fantasy where everything is perfect. But the fact that I put so much time and effort into what I'm doing that I not only give meaning to it, but life as well.
So with that said, I'm taking a lot of time to practice and get into realism a lot more. I'm still sorting through my deep artist issues but I made good progress since I took a step forward to draw more often. And of course whatever WIPs I have to upload I will post up here as well as my creative blog.
Zenkaikon
OMG ZENKAI WAS AMAZING! Sorry that I haven't posted about it at all but to sum it all up, everything went great! I went to some panels, saw regular Z-con goers, raved, ate, saw SiSero, hung out with staff members and all kinds of stuff. I took SO MANY cosplay pictures as well, the dealers room had the best lighting ever! The people were so nice and everyone agreed, even though the con was far from it's original location in King of Prussia, it was the best one yet. The hotel it was in was beautiful! Even though I was staffing it felt like I was a con goer with staff benefits. I plan to make a full blog post and post up the many cosplay pictures that I took.
Learning Korean
Yup I'm in the process of learning Korean and I'm thoroughly enjoying it! I'm even taking a weekly class in it, the only problem is that my teacher goes too fast. Like seriously, one minute we're on one subject then someone asks a questions and we're down a totally different road. That and he doesn't go over the grammar rules well at all. He just says that it doesn't matter when in fact it does since I don't know why the sentence is the way it is. Even when he does go over it, I be so confused that it nearly doesn't matter. For about a month I was horribly confused and couldn't really get anything, but luckily I found a GREAT Korean grammar book that helped me out so well. It's because of that book I'm getting Korean as well as I am now. Like really, it explains things so perfectly and I love it. I look forward to learning Korean every morning and increasing my skill. Granted I'm still at the very beginning of my journey but I see lots of improvement every day!
Cherry Blossom Festival
Recently I went to my city's cherry blossom festival and I had SUCH A BLAST! Me, my good friend Yvette and my sister all went there together! Me and my friend was on our own when we got there while my sister met up with her friend for the rest of the day. We ate, watched performances and even took random pictures of this cute guy that we saw. I forgotten how awesome it is to have a female friend! XD The highlight of the day was the AWESOME drum performance! And holy cow there were a lot of cute guys in that group. I took so many pictures and videos so that I would never forget it. Also the cherry blossoms where in full bloom so everything looked spectacular! It was a really great day.
Career Change And Everything else
Overall my life has been getting a lot better! I've buckled down to start focusing on my core interests and it's changing me for the better. I feel very satisfied that I'm making the right choices purely for myself and self satisfaction. One of the biggest transformations is changing the focus on my spiritual career. From doing angel readings and guidance to following your dreams and passions. It's something I always loved to talk about and I finally started to move the focus on to that. I made some changes to the blog so that myself and my passion is the main feature instead of angel readings. I still sell them but what I want people to "get" from me is following your dreams, passion and positivity in life. That life is magical and you can achieve as much as you want if you allow yourself to do so.
Before I go I want to thank everyone here for commenting, sending me gifts and just supporting me in whatever I do. I love and appreciate all of you! I want to be more active in my creative life and also be more active in communicating with you all if anything. The time I've been off of here (not really just not posting wips and commenting on stuff) has been healing and eye opening for me so that I can further express myself in better ways! Hopefully it won't be almost two months when I do another life update. See you guys soon, bye!
