I'm not even going to mention how long it has been since I've been on this site and updated anything... But yeah..
I'M NOT IN THE SHELTER ANYMORE AND IN MY OWN PLACE! I've been there for over a year now (I moved in April of last year). I would of updated you guys before but the internet connection that I have through Project Home completely blocks this site and other sites that I like to go on. I'm actually at my mom's place writing this and downloading Sonic Mania on the PC since the Stream website which I need to get the game from is blocked as well... SO FUCKING ANNOYING.
I'm not sure who still comes here and check this blog or whatever but I do want to say thank you to all those that supported me over the years. It really means a lot, it's honestly hard to put myself out there as an artist because it's not like it used to be years ago when TheO was hot and happening. Even though I still love to draw, it's not as fun when you're on your own island it seems.
But anyway, yes, I'm doing really well! I'm on Facebook so if you want to add me PM (on FB not here) me first so I know who you are and then send the request (as I like to add only people I personally know not just random people) and we can stay connected. My name is "Kai Moon Oceans" on FB.
Anyway, thank you all so much and sorry if I worried you guys!
Hey everyone!
Just a general update since it's been a long time since the last. Many moons ago I told you all about me being in the shelter, the great news is that I'm on my way out. I'm hoping that this month will be my last month at HOP (the shelter that I'm in) being that the housing system in my city is slow as fuck.
I've been pretty stressed out about the process since late January (this has been in the works since November, FUCKING NOVEMBER). Trying to get all the papers that I need, hearing back from Project Home (the building I'll be living in) and just ALL THE THINGS. It's just all stressful on top of the day to day routine being at HOP and going to my day program.
Don't get me wrong, I'm super grateful for everything that both places provided for me but wtf, the constant waking up at 6AM and being around a bunch of people nearly 24/7 has been wearing on me badly, BUT I'm glad things will be changing soon.
And as soon as it does, I'll be picking up my art again FULL TIME and starting a new path as an artist which feels pretty good. I have a lot of things planned that I've been wanting to do that I'll be able to dedicate some serious time to now that I'll be living by myself (I have my own room and a shared living room, kitchen and bathroom(s))
But nonetheless, I've gotten my own place and will be moving into it very soon. More than likely, the next time you hear from me, I'll be on my own computer again... :D
Also, another happy update is that I came out as agender/non-binary to facebook a few months ago and my day program two weeks ago! I've gotten nothing but positive support which is awesome! I don't think I officially announced it here (I mean I have no idea who looks at my blog posts on TheO anymore but this is my first blog home sOOOOOOO yeahh) but yeah I identify as non-binary (a fancy way of saying NO gender), and more specifically on the masculine end of things. :P I'm also going through medical transition (I'm taking male hormones) to give myself a more masculine look. I also changed my name (not legally YET) to "Kai Moon Oceans" and I use male pronouns (he/him).
So yes, lots of positive things as of late even though I've been super stressed with fucking everything.
I hope you all been well! Don't be a stranger, take care!
Hey everyone!
Yeah, I haven't been around for a really long time and there is a reason for that. I'm not able to get into the super deep details about it all but long story short I'm currently in a homeless shelter. I've been there for about 4 months after my sister kicked me out in a drunken rage.
Quite frankly, I was ready to go, and was the best decision I've made so I took so my tablet and other important tech (except my computer) over Brandon's house. Thus the reason why you probably haven't heard from me for a WAY longer time than usual.
However though, I'm happy not to be living with my family in the dysfunction and transitioning to living on my own, finally. Me and my family are on good terms now though which is nice (because consistency right???), but I could never live with them again.
Since coming to the shelter, things have been getting a lot better and I'm becoming a much more independent person as I wanted to be. A lot is happening mostly good, nothing really bad but me stressing the fuck out over everything and my "what's the worst that can happen" mental game.
Right now, my main focus is to get into some type of art program so I can get back to drawing and creating, as well as some other things.
Honestly, my emotions are a bit everywhere today, and I just feel like throwing something expensive, stomping my feet and crying it all out (yay emotions) but I've been feeling better as the day goes on. I'm just tired of the constant struggle of trying to make things work and trying to do everything right when I know that isn't how life works. That I shouldn't strive for perfection or do everything at once. I just have this mentality (that I'm working on) that if I can "fix" this (or whatever) issue or problem then I'll never be stressed or emotionally strained again. And again, life doesn't work that way but growing up the way I did (utter chaos) I'm constantly seeking solid ground and feeling safe... No matter what the cost. Even if it doesn't make sense or never really worked in the past. The thought that I'll finally have that safety keeps me going even if my body is screaming "Hey, maybe you should slow the hell down before you have another burn out" and I'm like "Fuck you, we're almost there THEN we can chill out."
But again... Well, you see the insanity in this.
I go two minutes left on the library computer, see you guys later LOL!
Hey everyone!
This is probably my first wip in a very long time. I haven't even updated my art blog with any recent wips in the longest time. Just checked (this world) and it has been 5 whole months, WOW. Even though I drew within that time I never uploaded anything, but that doesn't matter now. I have to do a major wip dump update soon but till then you get this cute little sketch I just did.
I just listened to a webcast about loving yourself and using EFT to help clear away the negativity blocking it. I tried it along with the webcaster and I have to say I feel a lot more loving about myself since I hold a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. I honestly do love myself but I hold certain standards to be able to love myself more, which is not healthy since one should embrace self love no matter what. "Tapping" which is another name for it, helped me see that in a bigger light. Even though I'm currently working on and did a lot to help myself succeed I still beat myself up for not achieving more. As well as avoiding parts of myself/life that I'm either deathly afraid of or have major emotional hang ups *COUGHARTCOUGH*. Knowing all this, at least on a much clearer and deeper level I can begin to heal those parts of myself that I'm afraid to face.
So this picture was a representation of that. Just the embodiment of self love, without the conditions, standards, woulds, coulds and shoulds. Something fun and loving I can do for myself, since I'm still a raging workaholic and feel like art/drawing comes after everything else is done, which is impossible. <:U Or I treat drawing more of a luxury than a complete necessary thing for my personal sanity...
Anyway I hope you enjoy everyone! :D Talk to you all soon!
*peeks through* Man it's been a long time since I've been here. (I stalk on here a lot though lol)
Haha, hey everyone! It's been almost three months since my last post here. That has to be one of my top longest gaps on here ever. I usually don't wait a long time to post since this is a really healing place for me to write out my thoughts. But somehow I never got to really write on here, or post wips and etc etc for sometime...
Of course I know you guys are like WTF, or maybe not, but in any case yeah, I haven't been active here at all lately. Though I still read up on postings and such, I really don't do much here. I'm honestly not sure if I want to put in the effort posting up pictures and such any more. Like how I was in the old days, trying to get back into the swing of things when TheO was hot and happening LOL.
I actually took the time to look at the fan art section (like REALLY dig deep into it) and the demographic has shifted quite a bit in the last few years... Like, a lot. I barely see any of the artists that I'm use to seeing and the newer artists here now are quite young, so the experience shows.
Since I was so curious of the lack of recognizable artists I decided to see the most active/popular art in the last year... There was literally 3 artist's art that I saw only. Artists that have been here for years so at least I know everyone isn't gone, but like WTF. Where did everyone go? Of course they went to college, moved on and etc but I'm really missing the community aspect of it all. I'm wanting to jump back into the fray and a lot of my friends and peers are no where to be found.
Honestly, really seeing this, like actually taking it all in is disheartening. I know everyone hasn't up and left and some people still post in their worlds now and again. But I do want to know what they are up to and if they are alive and kicking at the very least. At the same time I've been seeing the downturn happen slowly, I think now has reality stuck. With that being said, I felt that as an artist, I've outgrown TheO for sometime. But now I'm actually questioning if I have "matured" as an artist. Not in skill, but in spirit.
Granted I haven't been drawing like I used to so I feel that in a sense I'm stuck in a certain phrase. From almost 3 years ago... :| I have grown quite a bit as a person in that amount of time. But in my artistic self and life, I think I denied myself to really "move on" to bigger and better things.
Even though I didn't see it then, I see it now. I haven't "truly" moved on and in that resistance of not changing I stunted my own artistic growth. Which makes me very disappointed in myself, but I'm happy that I am able to see where I've gone wrong so I can change.
So I really have to be in the "now," really accept what's happening and move to another community, path, direction or whatever so I can start growing again. I'm not leaving TheO but I won't be posting art here anymore (beside wips and etc in my world). I'll probably spend that energy in my art blog while I find another art site. Though I looked for a few and I haven't found one that I really like. :/ DA is... Fucking DA and I highly doubt I'll be "active" there besides full blown stalking. I'll probably use it for my crafts if anything, but art wise, no lol.
I really like FA, besides the occasional drama and adult content you can wash up on but what site doesn't these days... I just don't want any kind of nonsense going on around me and a small tight knit group I can grow with.
So yeah, that is one of my many shifting tides in my life. I feel like I'm going through one of those "darkness before dawn" type phrases in my life now... *long sigh*
Let me know how you all are doing if you're still around lol, take care!
