Hey everyone, ( I originally wrote this last week)
My Birthday
First off I want to say thank you for all the birthday wishes that I've gotten on here and Facebook. It was really awesome! I have yet to personally thank most of you but you'll know why in a bit. I just want to say that my birthday was so good. I didn't do anything spectacular like I originally planned but I had a really good time. Me and my friend Yvette went to Ihop and ate there. I had their fresh and fruity combo for free with the coupon I got in my email. She had their new French toast, the dishes was really good, I need to upload the pictures soon. After that we went to FYE (a music store) and looked at stuff. The highlight was finding Papuwa, an anime I have the fondest memories of when I was with my first guinea pig, Road Kill, before he passed. I remember him sitting on my lap while I was laughing my head off watching Papuwa. It's a really funny and strange anime, totally unique. I recommend it if you like those weirdly funny animes.
The Fallout
Now for the reason why I've been completely out of balance in the last few days. My god, my Mother's day was the worst ever. If you guys been around for about a year you'll probably heard a post or two of my dad being a complete dick and/or me freaking out about such. Well... The straw that broke the camel's back finally landed, luckily I wasn't the one that freaked out. It all started (well it started WAY before this but what got the ball rolling) when my dad started to talk crap about my mom and sister while we were taking Yvette home last Friday. Now this isn't new, he's been doing it for as long as I can remember but the fact he did it in front of my good friend, in the passenger seat no less with me in the car just threw me off. I stood up for my sister since he was LYING about her being lazy and not doing anything with her life. I didn't freak out or anything but kindly said "No dad, my sister works hard, goes out and etc, etc." What got me is that he tried to continue the conversation and bashing my family like I was going to wholeheartedly agree or something. It's just disgusting. But anyway, fast forward that Sunday, Mother's day.
So in the last few weeks I have been going to my old childhood church; something rare for me to do especially if have a choice. It started when my neighbor started her shit again and I was so disturbed by it that I needed to leave the house, so I went to church with my family. And I meant to post about this before but one of the people that works at that church just had baby guinea pigs and is giving one to me! Two weeks ago I went to pick mines out and omg she is SOOOO CUTTEEE. When I first saw her I called her "Milkshake" and omg the name just stuck, so there is an 80% chance that's going to be her name once I get her. And today I heard that I might get both the babies since the two seem to love each other so much, so that's exciting and stressful at the same time.
Getting back to what I was saying, even though I didn't want to go to church this past Sunday I decided to go since it was Mother's day. That morning however, my dad pretty much got dressed and left without us. My sister was up and was going to go but my dad didn't let her know at all and my mom never got dressed. I didn't go because I didn't want to go by myself with him. He likes to bash the family for whatever reason when we're not around and I didn't like his energy that morning either.
So that is when me and my sister was talking and concluded that he needs to go. He literally sucks everything out of us. He does nice things, but the things that really counts he has no intention of doing. He doesn't support my mom at all, treats her like dirt. He doesn't think much of my sister and just has this personality switch with him. Every time he hangs out with his friends or whoever, he comes home and has this really nasty attitude. And I'm so fucking tired of it.
So my sister and mother goes out to my cousin's house, the place they usually hang out at after church. And during which (which I heard from both my sister and mother) my dad was bashing my sister right in front of her, my sister didn't say anything and just went upstairs. When she came back down and he was still bashing her, my sister cussed him out and told him he wasn't welcomed at the house anymore. And he haven't came back since he left for church that Sunday.
I'm SO happy that we finally got him out of our lives (or at least the house), the only thing is that we're not in a good position as always. By the time huge blow ups happen, we're on bare bones since my dad decides to stop paying for everything and cry broke. YET he has all the money in the world buying food, alcohol and whatever at my cousin's house. It makes me sick... The kicker too is that my dad attracts users and leechers, and if he isn't getting taken advantage of, he just gives his money away. Then comes home and bashes my mom or the family for not having money. It drives me nuts.
Even though I'm stoked about having my dad out the house, I got so incredibly stressed out that following Monday I had an expressed mini melt down that morning. I've been so good with not stressing out when things go wrong or whatever the case. But it seemed like all the stress of the world suddenly fell onto me that morning and it was the worst I felt in over a year. It was pretty bad, I have so many great things happening, but it's all happening at the worst time it seems. It just felt like all the good I had going for me was getting sucked out like a vacuum because of my parents marriage problems.
It sucks honestly, it really does. If my dad learned how to be a husband instead of an idiot or if my mom kicked him out last year, I don't think this would be happening. But I'm not the wife or the husband and this isn't my problem, it's my parent but me and my sister gets hit with the fallout every time. And that's the thing that makes me angry. But I talked about this long enough.
The Aftermath
Right now, my sister is with the church on a 4 day trip (she came home since I wrote this). I'm home with my mom and I'm still stressing about things but they are getting better. I have so much stuff coming up that needs my attention and money but I don't have either which makes things difficult. Like the guinea pig(s) and the new Korean class I'll be joining. I need money to get the guinea pigs started and fare for class but both have been pushed back. So I have time to maybe score some readings because I need them right now haha. I'm basically running on a whole lot of faith... *sigh*
So yeah, the last few days and the days ahead I'll be trying to get my emotional self back into place. It's getting easier with each passing day. I just have to keep positive and not think about my dad and the whole situation. Doing this post helps a lot and anything that keeps me from thinking about it or keeps my brain active and productive. I honestly know that this is just making way for the new and better, it's just the "now" I have to get through. I intend on having a great spring and summer season and I'm keeping that intention, my dad's bullshit isn't going to change anything! So yeah haha...
Right now I'm thinking of all the things I want, need to do and getting back into a more positive mindset. Stressing out never helps anything and I have to remember that I can be happy and not like my current situation at the same time. I know things are just changing and god damn change is so scary sometimes. But if I make it out of this, holy crap who knows where I'll be. I'm looking forward to the future even though I'm scared and worried of what it might hold to get there. I know me and my family can get through anything, we've done it before many times.
Last thing, here is the WIP of my current picture, enjoy!
Thanks for reading guys, love you all!
