Hey everyone
Yeah, I know it's been way too long since I last posted here. If you can't tell by the doodle I mustered up, life as been intense. Not everything have been bad of course but most of it has been full of anxiety, stress and tons of changes.
I was going to explain some things that happened in the last two months but it's just too negative and I just want it all to be in the past. So I'm just going to dive into my own personal revelations and what I've been up to.
Change of Direction
As the title suggests I'm once again changing directions career wise and personally. I guess I should be more posting this on my spiritual blog, but since I don't normally post spiritually heavy stuff here I feel a lot better expressing my opinions about the whole thing in my world. Anyway, I got so tired of the spiritual community as of late (and we're talking for years) that I decided to finally break away from it. I should of done so years ago but I just didn't have it in me. A part of me was attached to all the forums, Facebook stuff and all the videos and things I would indulge in everyday. But I've come to a point in my life where I feel quite mentally and spiritually sheltered by it all. That and the spiritual community have some beliefs that I never resonated with or I simply grew out of.
One of the things I hate the most lately is the numerous needy and desperate people you tend to find. They always want to find a quick answer, free readings, expect people to tell them what they want to hear and are simply draining individuals. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I can't deal with the constant neediness anymore. I can't deal with the people that want to stay stuck in their own misery, and luckily I haven't had those types of clients.
However, the people I encounter everywhere else, especially the forums and social media are draining and irritating. Most of the time I feel that I can't get my life's work venture off the ground because I'm around such people and I want to get paid what I'm worth. Doing readings for cheap is great for extra money when it comes in, but if I want a career, I have to have clients that are willing to invest in themselves and want the help I'm able to offer them at a fair price.
And quite frankly I want to break out of the angel card reading field. It's not something I'm willing to only do. I want to do something on a bigger scale that pays a lot more, I deserve it with the decade worth of experience I poured into my life. I honestly feel that strictly sticking to angel cards (even though I do more than just that) is a representation of my self worth in the business. Which isn't much, I kept myself in the bottom of the barrel for long enough. I no longer want to simply tell people what to do, I want to do something much more.
I really want to talk to people and go hands on. I can't do that with all this "old stuff" still hanging around me. So I was more than happy to finally cut myself out of the spiritual community. Though I'm still spiritual, I no longer have interest in the pursuit of this "perfection" that seems to run rampant among the community. I've been in that bubble for long enough, I just want to live now, be happy, do things that truly make me happy and explore the world.
With that said I don't think spirituality on it's own is bad, far from it depending how you go about it. That and this is a decade full of observations and frustrations I always had, so there is no one thing or entity that I'm blaming this on, it's just is what it is. I'll always love spirituality for what's it worth but I've grown enough to follow my own direction than a bunch of "idols" that people tend to put on a pedestal.
What Now?
With that decision made came a lot of confusion. Since I was working really hard on a new business idea that was based in the spiritual community. But for now I will have to semi halt it till I find a definite direction. I'll probably do a bunch of test runs and just play with it all till I'm ready and set to really go full time with it.
Besides that, my urge and inspiration to draw as well the Japanese and kawaii culture have floated back to the surface. That was the part of my life that was drowned out by my business and career. I now see how important it all is to me to function and be myself. Talking to my good friend Jer and spending some great quality time by myself, I know that I have to go back to the basics. Start truly focusing on myself and NOT my career with my last dying breath.
I notice I take whatever I'm working on, which is mostly career oriented, to the extreme. I work super duper hard to the point that I break under it all. Or that I get mega frustrated it's not working because I expect fast results. It's quite the complex and it's something that follows me no matter what the situation is, however this is a huge step for me in correcting it.
I have to learn to slow down, not take everything so seriously, focus my time on other things, take (longer) breaks and give myself time to think things through. My nature to rush things and expect things to come super fast is getting in the way. I need to have fun with whatever I'm doing and just take this career thing a lot more lightly. I'm so very much in my head when I freak out so I have to remind myself that I'm blowing up the situation way more than it actually is. Once I calm down and relax, life doesn't seem as stressful.
But things seem to be looking up. A lot has happened that I didn't mention at all but I'll leave that for the next time. I like to post more positive things and revelations anyway lol.
Thanks for looking guys, talk to you all soon and sorry for being completely gone for so long. I'm not making any promises either in the future so you all do well if I disappear again haha!
