This is as I like when I was human...
Well, I wasn't really born a beast. I was human until I was 19. Before I was born, my mother was very beautiful. Her golden blonde hair and serene blue eyes would make any guy fall in love. And there was my dad. He was the strangest man I ever seen when I was about 4. He was always drinking and eating things like frogs legs and stuff. His black charcoal eyes and orange hair scared the heck out of me. Because of his drinking habits, he gave me the name Shukaku.
Also, he might had been responsible with my obsession with Tanuki. I was in love with tanukis, tanukis, tanukis. I would read the first part of Villa Incognito over and over again. Every night, I would ask my mom to read me tales of kistunes and tanukis. I still have a raccoon teddybear on my bed that I used to play with.
One day, my life changed forever. In the Sand village, I was going to the 2nd Kazekage's office. My mom was ANBU at the time. As I was walking on the road, I saw my father chasing a tanuki, a female to be more presise, with his broken sake bottle.
"And don't you ever come back, you pest!" Father yelled at the creature. I was confused. What has happened to father. Suddenly, the tanuki grabbed my leg and squeezed it tightly. I didn't know what was going on.
"Chuuuu!" The tanuki exclaimed with pleasure. I still didn't understand that. I tried walking away, but she held on to my leg until I went to Janji's Ramen shop. I ordered a miso ramen for myself and some naruto for the tanuki.
"What's your name fella?" I asked to the tanuki. She pointed to my ramen as if she was telling me something.
"Miso?" I wondered. Tanuki shook her head and said aaaaaaahhhhhh.
"So it's Misa. That's a nice name," I commented, "What about your family?" Wromg question. Misa stared into the distance, tears about to break out and she screamed. It might had broken mirrors from a 5 mile radius. I skipped the question.
"I always wanted a tanuki..." I said to Misa. She was happy and she hugged me again. The green haired chef called Janji spoke up.
"Well, I know many tanuki languages from my home, the Stone village." Janji said. I couldn't tell that he was from the Stone. His black skin made me think of Africa.
"Misa said that 5 years ago, her father was the leader of a tanuki clan not far from here. He wanted to take over the world. But in order to do that, he would have to act and live like humans do. He then broke up Misa's mom and married a human named Shikiki, your mother. 2 years later, Misa was born and was about to get killed. Luckily, she made a deal, claiming that she knew the human form of her father to bring him back..."
I didn't know what was worse; having an evil tanuki for a father or knowing what would happen next.
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Shikiki was washing dishes when I came home. She was very glad that I was safe. This wasn't the first time I had kept a secret. My mom had the ability to control sand that had passed down to me and other ancestors. When I was finally into my bedroom to go to sleep, I stayed awake thinking about my life. Misa shooke me, telling me what's wrong.
"My mom controls sand, My dad is a villian, my step-sister is a tanuki, What ELSE could go wrong!?!" I yelled in the darkness. I cried and cried every night hoping that nothing goes wrong. But it did.
One night, I finally went to sleep. Misa stayed up. She went into my parents and saw sand encasing mom's body and a tanuki next to her. If Misa didn't scream, my parents would've lived a little longer. But she was so sad that she didn't have my father that she cried. I assume you would know what happens next. My parents woke up seeing each other. Father, freaked out from the sand and mom scared that she saw a wild animal. They fought and father beat her up to a bloody pulp.
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I woke up the next morning to Misa hiding under the bed. I went downstairs to get breakfast. Mom made me tanuki soup. No, it didn't had real tanuki in it. She always calls it that because it's my favorite soup. As I was about to eat, Misa flung a noodle at mom. Mom was mad and spilled orange juice on Misa's fur. The following food fight made me hungry and I ate everything that was thrown.
"Fools!" Mom said to me, "You didn't reconize me. I, Hiroki no Tanuki, made your mother into a soup. YOU, beast, ate her. Now that I have both of you weaklings conered, there is no way put!"
Misa was hiding behind me. I couldn't blame her. She was 3. I was so angry at myself and my father that the sand covered me, as if my mom was still there to protect me.
"Clone justu!" Hiroki yelled and made a sign. 100 Hirokis surrounded us. That's when I lost my temper. I inhaled a lot of air. I felt like there were mouths on my whole body sucking the oxygen inside.
"Wind Style: Sand Storm Devastation!" I exhaled. My mouths blew away the clones and Hiroki changed back into a tanuki, dead. I fainted. The only thing Misa can do was to take me into the Sand village hospital. After that, I didn't like any parent who treats their children badly....
Next Time~The first night that I got drunk
~Shukaku
Finally, Itachi came up to me. Compared to me, He was the size of a flea. Itachi looked way up high than whistled for someone. He whistled again and again, but no one showed up.
"Where's the bounty hunter demon I hired?" Itachi yelled. I burped, then took out Izuri's Katana from my mouth. Itachi was mad.
"OMFG! You monster!" Itachi spat on my tail. I put the katana above Itachi's head. I was way angry. Itachi grew the same size as me and we fought. Both of us were very tired. I was about to faint when I heard whispers of all of the gang in my head.
Neka:You can do it Shukaku!
Houkou:Hang tight, dude.
Kaku:Beat that gay person.
Raijuu:We're all proud of you.
Hachi:We'll help you all the way.
Kai:Kick his butt, Believe it!
Dizzy:Go Shukaku, go!
Tara:Good luck.
Chii: Do your best.
Eka-san:Yeah. Show em' whose boss.
Misa:Yay Big Brother.
Naara:Hn. You're powerful for a pervert...
But the last whisper really hit me,
Kyuubi:I believe in you, my friend.
I rose up from my feet and punched Itachi in the stomach.
"That punch was *hic* for blinding my sister forever!" Itachi got back up again. I kicked him.
"THAT was for hiring someone to eat us." Itachi got up again, about to use his Mangekyo sharringan.
"But you did something more worse. You can capture me, eat me, control me, whatever you want. But when you try to hurt my family, friends, and most importantly, my best friend Kyuubi, YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD! Wind Style:Air Bullets!" Itachi flew by into where he belongs to:Prison!
"Anyone ELSE wants a piece of me!?!" I yelled at the rest of the Akatsuki. They all ran back into Japan. Naara looked at me.
"Hn. Not bad for a demon..." Then he left. I fell down to the ground, laying down, when Kyuubi started sitting on my stomach. About time he showed up.
"So, when are you going to be normal sized?" Kyuubi asked.
"Since 4,990 pizzas+1,000,000 tons of Sake+1 giant bounty hunter demon+999 other demons in the bounty hunter=1 big, fat, and happy Tanuki," I calculated everything I ate, "About months and months. You owe me 5 weeks of leadership. I missed you."
"I missed you too, buddy!" Kyuubi said with no emotion. He didn't want to ruin his reputation, "How are we going to take you home in Japan?"
"I have *hic* an idea, but I want you to do something for me." I whispered in Kyuubi's ear. He gotten shocked, then went up to the blinded Misa and kissed her on the lips. I know Kyuubi's gonna kill me, but since Itachi blinded Misa, at least Misa might see her Kyu-Kun for the last time...
~Shukaku
OMG. I'm gone for one day and all the excitement happens. Well, here's my part.
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I have to help Kyuubi, but how, HOW!?! I drank more sake then saw a file. I picked it up and read it.
Name:Izuri Oni
Gender:Male
Age:25
Job:Bounty Hunter/Demon who eats other demons
Mission:Devour Kyuubi Yoko and his "friends"
Oh my god! That's what's happening. The akatsuki are leading Kyuubi into his doom. I have to find this Izuri demon and fast. Somehow, I'm in the news already. I jumped on the top of the Empire State Building. In front of me is a giant screen tv and a giant sized Wii.
"Izuri!!!!" I roared, "I'm willing to *hic* make a deal with you. If I win, you leave *hic* my friends alone and for Kyuubi, I'll be the leader of teh biju club for 5 weeks." A green haired man with black robes stood beside me.
"Ha! You dare challenge The great Oni, Izuri? Let's settle the score. If I win, I eat all of your friends. If you win, you also can eat me."
"Deal! Let's brawl!"
(Game mode)
Shukaku as Pit 5 lives
Izuri as Snake 5 lives
Pit fired arrows at Snake, while Snake shot a large canon at Pit. Pit 4 lives. The smash ball comes up. Pit takes the Final smash-Okay since I'm bored I'm gonna skip to when both characters have one life left. Pit and Snake are neck and neck.
Snake:Give up already!
Pit:Never! My friends need me.
Snake:You're just a lil' brat! How can you save them if you can't save yourself?
Suddenly, Pit was very angry. He was surrounded by powerful chakra.
Snake:So Pit, Show me your final smash...
Pit's eyes turned yellow.
Snake:WTF? Chakra can't be used in SSBB!?!
Pit:Well, I'm gonna kill ya!
Snake:*thinking*What kind of Final smash is that?
Snake knew what it was. Pit used a growth justu and put an exploding tag on his arrow. Snake was begging.
Snake:No, no, NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*died*
Guy in the box screen(I dunno what's his name):Snake? Snake? SSSNNNNNAAAAAAKKKEEE!
Game!
Winner:Pit
1st place-Pit
2nd Place-Snake(clapping)
(Reality)
Well I won the bet. I ate Izuri and Kyuubi owes me 5 weeks of leading teh club. Izuri last words were,
"You, a demon, played as an angel, yet you beat me!?!"
Anyway, since Izuri eaten lots of demons, I won't be eating anything...except for a weasel named Itachi! I jumped down from the skyscraper, leaving a huge earthquake. Then I waited for the akatsuki to tell them about Izuri and the Bet.
Kyuubi, can you continue?
~Shukaku
Oh god! I've gone too far. Kyuubi is gonna kill me. All I can do is hide for now. I have to call the others.
(Hachi)
'Hello?'
"*hic* Hachi Kyuubi's out of *hic* control! He more of a phyco than my host Gaara! You gotta help me!!!"
'Alright. Kai and I will get out of the ressteraunt. We'll be right there with the otherssss.'
I hung up, then hid behind a skyscraper. I was so scared that I was hungry and my huge stomach rumbled.
"You hungry Shukaku!?! I'll give ya a knuckle sandwich!!!" Kyuubi laughed insane. Great! A bully. Now I have to wai-Is that giant Itachi I just saw? Also, Misa is heading down this way. I knew what Itachi was thinking cuz' I read minds when I'm in this state.
'Now that Kyuubi is like my foolish brother and that Sand guy put together. My MangeKyo Sharingan will blind that Kistune forever.' Itachi thought. I can't do anything! If I came out from my hiding spot, I'll be blinded as well. But it didn't matter cuz' Kyuubi slashed the skyscraper in two.
"Revenge!" Kyuubi yelled, but Itachi used his sharingan...on Misa!?!
"Please, don't...hurt...Kyu-kun...." Misa fainted. Ya know what Kyuubi did? He thanked Itachi for doing that. Unbelieveable! I was angry also.
"DAMMIT KYUUBI-TEME! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR FRIENDS!?!" I tackled him to the ground. Kyuubi slashed his claws at my chest. I was bleeding.
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT TEME! YOU WERE MEAN TO ME IN CHILDHOOD AND NOW YOU ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS FOR REVENGE!!!"
"MY FAULT? IT WAS YOU WHO GOTTEN DRUNK. YOU BRUNG YOUR SISTER IN HERE. YOU RUINED THE VACATION. IN FACT, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE IDEA OF CREATING THIS CLUB!!!" Kyuubi was winning the battle. I felt like I was about to die. I aimed for a punch, but was handcuffed by helicoptors.
"Shukaku Ichibi, you're under arrest for ruining New York." I gave in. I didn't want to destroy this place that brung me sake. So, I growled at Kyuubi. Kyuubi still wanted revenge.
"That's it Shukaku! Until I got my revenge, teh Biju club is over!!!" I was shocked. I threw a wrapped present at the kitsune with disgust.
"I don't *hic* even know you anymore..." I said to him. Then, I weeped. Not only did I not know how to shrink, not only did I always grow every minute, but that Kyuubi is a different demon. I went to a large cage big enough to fit me. I waved goodbye.
Kyuubi saw the package. He unwrapped it. It was the CD of him singing. Kyuubi read the note.
Dear Kyuubi,
I stole the CD back. Instead of your CD, I gave them a Cd of me singing Funkytown. I wanted you to have the best Vacation ever.
Your Friend and Baka,
Shukaku
-What does Kyuubi feel? Will he rampage again or let his friends help him. Time will tell.
~Shukaku
I have super hearing, so I heard what Hachi's plan was. Well, I'm not gonna take this!
"*hic*Sand Blizzard Justu!" I said as I winked at the two guys. Sand covered Hachi and Houkou like a blizzard. I ran away.
"But how are we going to get Shukaku in the water?" Hachi asked. Houkou was stunned and hypnotized by Shukaku.
"Okay, ever since Kyuubi was having adventures in the Akatsuki boat, you've been askin', 'Hey! Where's Houkou? He's soooo cute!' But I'm sick of being cute. I'm here right now!" Houkou yelled at the audience. Hachi slapped his forehead.
"The Brawl Tauntsssss video from YouTube? I'm sssssurrounded by bakassss." Hachi sighed. Then he thought of the only thing he can do, which he did instantly. Turned into a snake than push Shukaku in the harbor.
(MeanWhile...)
Tobi was holding Deidara's sakes very worried.
"Tobi know! Tobi throw sake in ocean. Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi threw the sakes in the harbor. Now the water is now sake.
(Hachi and Kai)
"Okay. Remember the Frezzzzzze water jutsssssu I taught you?" Hachi asked his brother.
"*hic* Yep! But It got wrong. There was *hic* no water in the harbor. Only Sake. Soooo, Shukaku drank the harbor all up and he gave some sake to me."
"Why me?" Hachi cursed the world.
"Now I'm sake flavored *hic*!" I said cheerfully. I was as tall as the empire state building now. Hachi was about to faint when I did something funny to Houkou and Kai.
"Okay, I have ice abilities, an awesome proctile, a snake for a brother, some sake, What don't I have?" Kai asked Houkou.
"Brainssssss." Hachi answered for Houkou. I laughed, then ran to find Kyuubi. I want to give him a surprise.
~Shukaku
