“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

Nostalgia, You Sneaky Bitch.

ahh, it's 12:15 A.M. and i feel nostalgic. for how the otaku used to be. a bit for how life used to be. i don't much like getting older sometimes. not that i'm decrepit and crumbly YET. i'm a teenager for christ's sake. i should be reveling in driving myself places and... being teenagerly. the reveling doesn't really last long for me though.
me, i have a terrible memory for events and stuff that i'm required to remember. but i can remember the randomest, most specific trivia or details. i could recite the entire script of the movie The Last Unicorn, and i don't exactly watch it everyday (well, not anymore.) i spew obscure quotes from movies, books, and people and nobody ever knows what i'm talking about. well almost nobody. and i don't so much remember events as i remember feelings. and it's AMAZING, i mean REALLY amazing, how smells can jog your memory. i found this scented candle in a blue wineglass my friend and i used to always use in these dark fantasy games we used to play (we thought we were so cool and myterious). i took one whiff of the thing and BAM! i was right back there something like seven years ago. it was incredible, i tell you. and me, i'm always finding things. i never throw anything away unless it's biodegradable or wrapperishly crinkly. everything else gets saved. everything. inadvertently or on purpose. i still have halloween candy from five years ago buried somewhere in my room. i advise anybody who ever might excavate it to NOT touch it. knox ate some once by accident. don't try THAT at home.
also the other day i was cleaning out this alcove i used to keep all my Mystic Knight action figures and all my dragons and blocks and all that fantastic shit. mom forced me to go and get rid of some of that stuff because she wants to be able to get into the alcove (i mean, can you believe the nerve?)
the funny thing is, whenever she makes me do something like that, and nobody's looking, i play. and i can remember where i left off years ago the last time i did it. and it so fun. except not as fun as it used to be, because when you get older you forget how to play. that makes me sad. i think the closest adults and teenagers can get to playing is acting, and i'm kind of stage shy. though i did used to enjoy acting when i was younger and more brazen. hell, when i was really little i ballet-danced on tables at the nursing home my grandmother was in. hey, the old people were a captive audience and that's all i needed.
..i have no idea why i'm writing this or why it's getting so alarmingly long all by itself but it IS, after all, 12:20 in the morning now and i can't be held responsible for my actions. GOD, i'm tired.
i don't think anybody is going to read this but i just needed something to do with my hands. they were twitchy. they were saying to me, "naia, you 'tard, you stopped playing Dynasty Warriors too soon and we didn't get the 1000 K.O.'s we wanted and then you watched that awful movie and we had nothing to do. so let us demonstrate our awesome powers of 75 WMP with no errors. it doesn't matter what you say. they won't hold it against you."
THEY LIE!
just to get their own damn way.
you know what the problem is? i didn't have any caffeine today. now as it is 12:25, i've been awake for 14 hours. that is too much fo rme. oh, god, my eyes are stinging.
oh right, i did do one thing anime-related. i bought the 6th death note manga and finished it in about five minutes. i whirl right through those, they're awesome. i really don't keep up on any of the mangas i read anymore, though. i just never seem to have any money and when i do i get shifty-eyed and do not distribute it to Barnes & Noble employees. i'm actually more likely to get guilted into giving money to Defenders of Wildlife (they've got their hooks into me now and they won't stop sending me letters and email) and then i'm low again. but they're not getting anything from me for a while, i just gave them $50 and i'm not working for the next few weeks.
OH MY GOD I'M TIRED!
does anybody know how to make your fingers stop typing? because mine are not being cooperative.
...does anybody else here think that i sound like Junie B. Jones right now? because i'm noticing i disturbing resemblance.
fuck. i'm going to bed. i don't care what they say. they can unravel the blanket while i sleep and curse me for not letting them get enough K.O.'s. i got 663, shouldn't that be enough?
WHEN WILL THE KILLING END?

..........

yeah.
goodnight.

Lachrimae Rerum (The Tears that are in All Things)

A decaying tree that reaches out,
With heavy arms beckoning imaginings forth
It's a hazard.
Strap on red-tape bracelets,
We'll make it safe for our children to play.
A weedy jungle of discarded treasure,
The old parking lot
It's a waste of space.
Slap down high-rise apartments,
We'll make good money.
A strange metaphor in the child's story,
From the heart/mind/soul
It's unnecessary.
We need to simplify and purify.
Your elders know better, because
We
Have
Lost
Our
Love.