THIS IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE AVERAGE IN MY LIFE. OR RANDOM THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT I THINK SHOULD BE HERE. ENJOY YOUR STAY.

Ok, say what now???

So, last time I updated this, I was happy and back with Tyler. Well, here's the NOT SHOCKING news.

He moved to Provo with his grandpa and broke up with me.

We were still being cute, you know, but it really sucked, and I was really depressed. I pretty much moped around all the time, and when friends would talk to me, I would usually just nod...or say, "ya" or "no". Well...I was hanging out with Tyler's best friend, Alec. The one I dated before. He ended up asking me back out. Here I am, depressed, pretty much gone, and he is asking me out. What do you think I said?

I just nodded. Said "ya...sure..."

When I realized that it was too awkward because every time he kissed or held me I had to think of Tyler to tolerate it, I decided to send a text to Tyler. I told him I had to talk to him about some things.

Alec had also texted Tyler, telling him what was going on and that he needed to talk to him about it to know if it was okay.

Tyler never answered.

Devin, my accquaintance, had mentioned me and Alec to Tyler one day while she was borrowing my friend's phone. Tyler got pissed off. So did Devin. She pretty much turned against me completely. For two days. HAHA! It didn't last. The anger, I mean. But that day, Tyler said that it's like a law that you don't date your best friend's ex. I could only call him a hypocrite since he and Devin had dated. Without permission. There is simply no such law.

Tyler and myself argued and argued until he finally texted, saying, "Gtfo of my life just leave me alone" (gtfo=get the fuck out). I told him some mean things, that I rather regret saying, and haven't talked to him since. It has been a week now.

I spoke with Devin about what happened. I told her, "It just amazes me that no matter how many times I forgave him for all the mistakes he made, which there were a lot of, I make ONE little mistake, I explain myself and apologize sincerely, and he can't accept it." We both agree that it must be some GUY thing. We aren't sure yet.

I can say this, though. No matter how many fights me and Tyler get in, no matter how many times this happens, it always goes right back to how it once was. We always recover and forgive each other. We always bounce right back. And in due time, one of us will give in. We will start talking again, and we will get back together. It never fails. Eventually, we will be one of those married couples that fights all the time.

...I don't want that.

Don't get me wrong, I love him very much. With all my heart, mind, and soul. I can't get him out of my head, nor my heart. But I refuse to live like that. It makes me sick.

Literally.

Since he left me, I have been ill. Coughing hard enough that I can't catch my breath, getting fevers, nausea is constant...and those pains in my chest that I used to get mildly?

Severe now.

I'm not entirely sure how to handle it anymore. But I'm trying my best. I won't lie, though. I miss him a lot. I want to talk to him, but I am afraid to say anything.

Shall I move on as best I can? I don't know.

I do like someone else now, though. He is very sweet, funny, I enjoy talking to him, and he supports me. Unless I'm doing something bad or something. Then he tells me I shouldn't and does all he can to make me stop whatever I'm doing that may be harmful to myself. He is 18. I met him on myyearbook. And I forgot to mention...he is very cute. Handsome. Okay, insanely good looking. Haha.

But it's his personality that is pulling me in. I love it. He is so great. I wish he lived closer, so that we could actually try something. Like, date. But yeah...

So I guess that's all for now. My last day of school is on the 28th of May, and I can sluff all my classes...
...legally. X3

So I plan to spend a lot of time on the internet. ^_^ If anyone is up for a chat or two. Anyway...bye for now.

~Khaos

p.s. That is a pic of me. It is more recent.